It’s Okay to Say No!


If you’re reading this blog, chances are you are suffering from your own autoimmune issues. Of course it’s possible you landed here by mistake.

One of the most difficult things for having to say “no” when I’m just not up to doing something. Let’s be honest, no mom wants to miss an event in their kids life. It takes a lot for me to say I can’t doing something when it comes to my kids.

I missed my son’s first wrestling match a few weeks ago because of a migraine. I’m not sure whether it was brought on by the stress that my son, who is small for his age, was even doing wrestling, or other factors sent me over the edge with the headache. Either way, I was unable to be there and I’m still kicking myself for it.

My son won his first match and I missed it. In the whole scheme of things, I know it could be so much worse. I am tired all the time and have significant pain, but it’s rare that my joints swell. I can usually power through an event, even if it means not being able to do much the following day.

As much as I’ve been there for my kids, I’m fixated on the wrestling thing. It’s the first time that I feel I let one of my kids down. My son came running into my room to tell me all about his first win, and I couldn’t have been happier for me…it’s just that I was miserable for me!

My kids seem to have a better grasp of what I deal with having RA, fibromyalgia, and Raynaud’s than most people. It’s the adults in my life that just don’t get it. I feel like people ask how I’m doing, but they don’t really want to know. They’d rather hear “fine” or “I’m feeling better.” We all have those friends and family members that do try and understand, but inevitably most don’t get it.

I try not to be a downer. I don’t discuss how I feel most of the time. Why bother? It doesn’t change anything. Maybe this is why when I say that I’m not feeling up to doing something, people are shocked.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I don’t look sick. I’m fairly young (even if only by my standards) and I’ve always been a very active person. It’s hard for me to admit I’m unable to do things. It’s even harder when the friends don’t understand.

I’m finally reaching a point where I’m starting to say no. No to volunteering. No to doing things that stress me out. And, I am finding an acceptance with this, even if it’s begrudgingly.
I’d love to hear how you deal with having to miss things, and the judgments from people that go along with it. If for no other reason, it’s great to know you’re not alone!


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