Friends Come and Go

Photo by Sureshkumawat

Photo by Sureshkumawat

Someone told me today that friends come and go. I’m going to have to disagree with that for the most part. I think acquaintances come and go. You take some time to get to know people and if they are worth it, you let them in. At least that’s how I am…even if it makes me sound bitchy.

I am blessed with good friends. I don’t have to talk to them every day to know they are there in my life. As a matter of fact, I could go two months without talking to them (other than on Facebook) and there is no animosity. Most of my good friends have kids and they understand how time gets away from you between driving to sports and ballet, and other the other crap we parents do, like dinner, baths, homework, etc.

I was very hurt two weeks ago that my friend laid into me about starting this blog. He’s been a good friend for a long time, and is someone that I let into my life. While I was really angry at him for putting down something I was really excited about, I was also hurt that he sees me as someone who is very negative about things.

Of all the things I could say about myself, the first is usually my good (or quirky) sense of humor. I can laugh at myself, my life, my kids, and even my autoimmune disease. My friend is someone who asked how I was feeling or doing…I’d even say he asked a lot. I would give him an honest answer, whether that meant saying it was a good day or if it was a tough day. I think that’s why I was so bothered by his outburst.

Don’t ask questions to your friends if you don’t want an honest answer. I honestly never felt like I was talking about things all the time, but maybe I relied on the friendship too much in that way. We did talk most days by text, Facebook, or phone, and inevitably he’d ask how I was feeling. I started to second guess myself and how much I complained about my aches and pains.

Then I thought a little more about the countless nights I listened to him go on and on about his own life issues. During our argument, I  asked him if I ever made him feel bad about talking about what he was going through. And I got my answer, and it was an answer I already knew, but I wanted to hear it from him…it was NO.

I’m far from perfect. I’m the first one to admit it. I could be a better mom, a better worker, a better house cleaner…and this list could go on. The people I love always come first, though. I’m not angry at my friend anymore, though we haven’t spoken since our fight. I think I just have a clearer understanding of how things are in our friendship. He could call tomorrow all upset about something, and my door would be open because that’s who I am. And you know what, I like who I am.

Again, I’ll say how lucky I am to have good friends. I like that I’m not involved in the town clique of sports parents. I like going to sleep knowing that the people I love and trust also have my best interests in mind. It’s a nice feeling. And if all else fails, my cats still like me.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lisa
    Feb 01, 2014 @ 06:34:50

    I don’t talk to anyone about how I feel, except my rheumatologist and venting in an online support forum. I very rarely tell my husband anything more than “I’m tired” or silently flinching if he touches some part of me that hurts. Sometimes he would get sooo angry and made me feel my illness was somehow my fault. Then one day he made a comment, “Dont wind up like your mom. I couldn’t deal with that.” My mom, who has numerous health issues and can’t walk more than about 10 feet, can’t move her arms more than about 6″ in any direction, any relies heavily on my Dad for everything…it crushed me. What about “in sickness and in health?” What if, God forbid, I do inherit some of her health problems, in additon to the ones I already have? Was that a threat? How do I take that? So on days when I am truly hurting, no one knows. And I wish to God someone did. Just one real life soul who could offer comfort and try to understand. Maybe I just don’t trust anyone to understand. But I’ve been let down too many times by “friends” like yours to let anyone else in.

    Reply

  2. drunkitty2000
    Feb 01, 2014 @ 17:50:02

    Unfortunately here illnesses are a great tool for finding out who your real friends are. You are a better person than I. I’ve had to let a few friends go because I realized I was always there for them but they never returned the favor. On the other hand I have at least 3 awesome friends who have been I my life for at least 10 years each (2 for more than 20)that I know I can call anytime. Even after years without seeing each other we always pick back up.

    Reply

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