Not a Good Rheumatoid Day

Photo by DerNetteAlex

Photo by DerNetteAlex

While on the whole, today was much better than yesterday, I’m still feeling like hell in terms of my rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia pain. I keep waking up with the same arm pain and numbness. I’m not sure if it’s how I’m sleeping, but my pain was so bad this morning that I called out sick from work.

For the most part I work from home, but on Fridays I work as a private tutor for a man who is low functioning on the autism spectrum. My days with him are hit or miss. He has the most brilliant mind. I can ask him any date and he can tell me what day of the week it was on. Some days I go in and I come home feeling awesome because I know I’ve gotten through to him, and others he has perseverative speech and it is non-stop.

When I woke up my hands were swollen and I could hardly move, so I had to call his group home and tell them I couldn’t come in. After getting the kids on the bus, I went back to sleep until almost 11AM. Days like this are really frustrating. I know I have so much to get done. My house is a disaster and I have freelance clients trying to give me more work. It’s like my mind wants to go, but my body is failing me. I’m exhausted and in pain…and it sucks. I can’t even sugar coat it today. We’re back to frigid weather so I’m sure that’s not helping either.

I have a lot to do tomorrow to get ready for my youngest daughter’s family birthday party on Sunday. I’d love to say my house was people-ready, but it’s far from it. At times I wish I was one of those organized neat freaks. Every now and then I really make the effort to be organized, but when I feel like crap, things start piling up around the house. Obviously I don’t have a choice but to help the kids with homework and projects. Their stuff comes before dusting and scrubbing showers.

I just feel like I need to work up this incredible amount of energy to even thing about beginning a huge task of scrubbing my bathroom the way it needs to be done. I’m really hoping I feel well enough to do it tomorrow. My in-laws tend to notice everything…and look for more reasons to say I suck.

It’s a tough relationship. Think Everybody Loves Raymond. I like to think my mother-in-law means well, but when she scheduled an eye doctor’s appointment for my son the week after I took him to an eye doctor and he got glasses, it was enough to send me over the edge. Luckily my friend works at the office and called to ask me if I knew she was setting up an appointment and told them she was going to pay in cash and not go through our insurance. I was left wondering if she was going to try and pick him up from school without telling me.

It’s been a tough road with my in-laws. I love them, and would do anything to help them, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that they love me, but they don’t like me. It’s taken years to get to that point and a whole lot of letting things go (and even popping a xanax now and then). I just have never tried so hard with a group of people and still had them really dislike me.

Anyway, we have about 15 people coming on Sunday for my daughter’s birthday and I know when I overdo it tomorrow, I’m going to be exhausted on Sunday. But what choice do I have? When you’re a mom (or dad) you do what you need to do for your kids. It’s important that she has a nice party. It’s less important that my closets are disorganized.

My good news of the day is that my accountant is awesome! She helped me organize all my freelance stuff and came up with lots of deductions that I had no idea about. That is a huge weight off my shoulders.

Gluten Update

After a few days of doing really well, I had a slice of pizza tonight. I don’t feel any different, but I’m sure the gluten wasn’t even all out of my system yet. I can’t get down about it, tomorrow is another day. I even bought gluten-free angel food cake so I could have cake with my daughter for her party.


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