Welcome Back Arthritis Flare

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Today didn’t go as expected. I should know not to have big expectations. My schedule was thrown off because my daughter was sick with a cold this morning and needed to stay home from school. This put off my plans to meet with the First Selectman until tomorrow, which was okay with me.

The Polar Vortex is back and it was everything I could do to get warm today. My hands were either on the heating pad or grasping a warm cup of tea. They are still stark white from the Raynaud’s and they are so cold that they ache. I ended up needing to take pain medication this evening as I could hardly walk and I started getting a migraine.

I can’t even tell you if it worked or not. I suppose the pain is lessened but when I have a migraine that’s the only thing I can feel. The left side of my neck to the shoulder is one big, giant knot. I keep trying to stretch it, but it hasn’t done much good.

Basically, I’m telling you that I’m one big downer today in terms of pain. Otherwise, I actually had a nice day spending some one-on-one time with my daughter. I worry about all my kids for different reasons, but my oldest daughter lacks confidence, just like I did as a child. I wish she could see what I see what I look at her. She is beautiful inside and out. While there are times when she gives me an attitude, she is such a genuine person. I love watching her grow and I’m more proud of her every day. I worry that like her mother, she’ll let her fears get in the way of her dreams.

Today she told me she’d really like to sing next year in the school fourth-grade play. This is my daughter that refused to speak to anyone for half of kindergarten because she was too shy. She performed in the Nutcracker the past two years, and I see how much she’s grown and trying things out of her comfort zone. I’m in awe of her. She’s such a good kid.

When I’m feeling down on myself I really do look at my kids and think, well, I’m not perfect, but my kids are kind and funny and good people. I’m doing something right despite my mistakes.

So here I sit at 10:30 at night with a migraine. Sleep is going to be difficult and I’m trying to decide whether or not to take a half of an Ambien. It’s such a catch-22 (one of many with autoimmune diseases). I need to sleep to help the migraine, but I can’t sleep because of the migraine. It might be stress related because of all the town drama and me getting worked up about talking to this guy tomorrow.

I am trying to tell myself he’s just a person. He might see himself as more powerful, etc., but he’s just some guy and I don’t care if he doesn’t change his mind, I am going to at least have him listen to me. Our town is so divided and dramatic right now. People are aligning themselves on different sides, and I want no part of that. I’m going to talk to him about my concerns for the education system, and that’s it. I’m just praying I don’t have this migraine when I am trying to talk to him.

For the moment, I’m sitting here watching “I Have 5 Wives.” How do I find these gems on television? In tonight’s episode the wives are all jealous of the wife who has the same birthday as the husband. The husband has stress because he is trying to keep them all happy. Clearly, this is must see tv. I need my readers to start watching this crap so I have someone to discuss it with!

Back to my hands for a moment — if any of my readers also suffer from Raynaud’s, I’d love some ideas for what to do when my hands get this bad. I know it technically isn’t a big deal, but when they are this cold and white, they really hurt. Even running them under warm water is painful. I’m so focused on the fibro and rheumatoid arthritis that I never really ask about the Raynaud’s. It’s more of a bother than anything else. I’d love some insight if anyone has it.

This post is very random tonight. I just re-read it and I’m all over the place. Chalk it up to me being scattered and in pain tonight. Tomorrow is another day.

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