Is It Wrong That I’m Annoyed for No Reason?

4517197776_7768dd63fd_m

I’m not going to lie. I was thoroughly unpleasant to be around today. I’m mad that my kids don’t pick up after themselves. Everywhere I go is a complete mess. I asked my son to clean his room today and when I saw him back in the living room playing, I asked the stupid question of if he was finished cleaning his room. His answer? “Well, it’s not finished yet, but I guess it’s technically clean.”

Seriously? What’s technically clean? If it means that you shoved thinks into your closet and dresser, didn’t make your bed, neglected to throw away stray papers and wrappers, then YES, that would make his room technically clean.

As I mentioned in earlier blogs, I’m not the most organized person. I start things and don’t finish. I have a million balls of yarn that I’m going to knit into scarves someone when my hands don’t hurt and I have simultaneously have free time. It could happen…it just hasn’t yet.

I spent an hour cleaning my son’s room and tossing crap into a garbage bag while he was out. His room looks darn good and I’ve already given him a lecture that it needs to stay that way. I also spent an hour in my daughters’ room with my 7-year-old, having her sort Little Pet Shops from Lalaloopsies and so on.

Truth be told, I feel bad for my older daughter. She wants to be organized, but she shares her room with someone who rivals PigPen from the Peanuts comics. My youngest daughter is a fashionista (she doesn’t get it from me). She takes everything out of her drawers to decide what to wear, and those clothes wind up scattered around her room.

Adding to my unpleasantness today, one of my kittens went missing for about 30 minutes. I knew something was up because she is always bugging me to eat and she didn’t come when I called them (yes, I have three) for dinner. I noticed a bit of insulation in our downstairs playroom that hadn’t been there a few hours earlier. This prompted me to start more of a panicked search for her.

I found her under the stairs, behind the hot water heater tossing a mouse (a dead one) up in the air and catching it. She wouldn’t leave it alone, so I had to get it with a broom and that was nowhere in the plans I had for today. I don’t do loose teeth and I don’t do snakes or rodents.

I think the main reason I’m annoyed is that I look like crap. I’m fat. I saw myself in the mirror and I just look awful. I bought myself an elliptical machine last night and hopefully that will give me some cardio exercise that I desperately need. I can’t run…my joints have enough difficulty walking. I used to teach step aerobics and I miss it. I tried doing it by myself at the house, but it’s not as much fun without a group, and I also was in a lot of pain for days after the workout.

I need to get serious so I’m writing up a plan on exercise for each day. I teach Pilates/body conditioning on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so my at home plan won’t be too bad for those days, but I need to step things up. I’m in a wedding in May and I really don’t want to be the fat girl walking down the aisle. I hate the way I look and I hate the way I feel. The whole thing is depressing.

Okay, I said it. I feel depressed. I’m sad that I can’t do the thing I used to. I’m sad, angry, and hurt that so many people don’t understand. And, I’m fed up with the way I look. So, look for my update tomorrow with the exercises I’m doing at home each day. Maybe you could join me on this quest to get back down to my normal size.

I can’t make any more excuses. It’s time to shut up and do it. So, that’s what I’m doing.

Advertisements

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jenusingword
    Mar 03, 2014 @ 18:02:12

    I need to get on track with how I look too. I haven’t been taking care of me for so long! And I have chronic pain, among other things….sounds like we have things in common! I need to get back on track with my quest for skinny/back to my size too. Your post really made me feel good just knowing that someone gets what it feels like to be off track, unhappy with yourself!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: