Crazy Weekend Is Over


My weekend of birthday madness is over. Today we had family over to celebrate my daughters birthday, and what might be the coolest cake ever (see picture above). My daughter chose a cat theme and my friend made this cake with our three cats on it.

I wish I could say it was a fun day, but it wasn’t our best. I woke up in a lot of pain, and not in the mood to put up with snide comments from in-laws. My son worked really hard on a social studies project and his grandmother brought over a book for him to use. It was made by Highlights, and my son is in fifth grade. I explained nicely that he wasn’t able to use it because his project had specific requirements and it was targeted toward younger kids.

“I want to see him come here and read it and do the activities if you think it’s beneath him,” was not the response I was expecting. Some people are just really difficult. Drama number two was that my friend made the cake, vs. her friend making the cake. She leans over to my son (whose birthday isn’t until the summer) and said, “I know you like the cakes by my lady better so you just let me know what theme you want.”

Is everything a competition? At every turn I feel like she wants to one-up me and it gets old. I’m tired. I’m in pain, and I’m downright crotchedy. I really try not to complain, especially to people who don’t want to hear it. My hands are visibly swollen, and my cousin and my step-mother asked how I was doing. I gave a quick answer, but I didn’t want the focus to be on me.

After a while I start to wonder, is it me? Am I the difficult one? I have seriously never had this much difficulty getting along with others. I’m just feeling overall crushed right now. My kids were beastly. My parents chose to take my niece and nephew out for the day (something they already had planned, but come on…it’s their granddaughter’s party). I just feel like everything sucks today.

I don’t know what the hell was wrong with my kids. My son fought with his father, which set the tone for his lovely mood. The birthday girl didn’t like what I made for lunch and was a big crab, and the little one is just super loud.

By the end of the day, I liked them all again, but for a few moments there, it was touch and go. I know it’s normal to have days like this, but I’m having a tough time. My family is planning on going to Disney (all of us) this summer, and as they excitedly make their plans, I’m wondering whether I’m going to be able to walk the parks from sun-up to sun-down for days on end.

The last time we went was the week before I woke up not being able to move, thus beginning my journey with autoimmune disease. I am not the same person physically that I was three years ago. Heck, I almost died doing 10 minutes on the elliptical today. I’m already thinking, omg, I’m going to need a freakin scooter…and I just might.

I’m afraid to push it for a day or two and be in so much pain that I can’t move for the rest of the trip. I guess I should try and put those worries off until the summer, but I like to be prepared. I usually do my worrying in advance.

As much as I hate to admit it, having an autoimmune disease has changed my life. Whether it’s my hands and hip and overall joint pain from the rheumatoid arthritis, or the exhaustion, brain fog, and sensitivity to touch of fibromyalgia, or the fact that my hands turn shades of red and white from Raynaud’s, it all adds up to big changes. Changes in my ability to make plans. Changes in my ability to have fun. And, changes in my ability to be me.

Yesterday I had a crazy moment with my girls and I was singing opera and acting like a nut. Their laughter and the fun we had made me wish I could feel better more often. It’s not that we don’t have fun. My life is all about my kids. They are the best thing that ever happened to me…even when they are grouchy. I just want to be able to let go and have fun more often. That’s my new goal. Add it to the list.



3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. helensamia
    Mar 17, 2014 @ 02:47:12

    Love the cake …


  2. autoimmunemamabear
    Mar 17, 2014 @ 02:53:40

    Thanks. The look on her face when she saw it was priceless.


  3. TTD
    Mar 17, 2014 @ 11:37:43

    The cake is fantastic!

    As for Disney. Use a scooter. Walking around there exhausts the fit and healthy, never mind someone with fibro.


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