Fibro Fog Is Back

5855644395_0523f47322_m

I woke up exhausted today…not tired — exhausted! I nearly fell asleep working with my tutoring client, and when I got home I actually put off some calls for work so I could take a nap. I slept so soundly that I didn’t even hear my son come in from school.

Needless to say, if you understand the type of exhaustion from fibromyalgia or other autoimmune diseases, you know I didn’t wake up refreshed. I’m not sure if my allergies are playing into it, but I am just having a tough time with things today.

I thought I was going to have a quiet evening, but I have a client who needs a project ASAP, and I’m doing my best. My goal is to have it all done tomorrow so I don’t have to work on my birthday. We’ll see how it goes. I feel like their product list is never-ending, and most of the products sound downright gross.

Tomorrow I have a bridal shower for a friend. I’m in the wedding and I’m just thoroughly disappointed with myself that I haven’t lost this excess weight. I don’t feel like I have anything that I look pretty in, and I didn’t have time to get out and shop. I’m not a big shopper. It’s definitely more fun when you’re feeling good about yourself, though.

Tonight I’m annoyed with people and truth be told, no one did anything wrong. I think I’m just fed up overall. My house is a big disaster area, and I just feel overwhelmed with that and the people around me. My patience with my kids was thin today. I can’t be supermom every day, but let’s just say I’ll try a little harder tomorrow.

I’m having trouble letting go of a situation that happened well over a year ago, and I know I’m the only one it’s upsetting, but I keep going back to it and I can’t let it go. I found out from my cleaning lady that my mother-in-law and sister-in-law were talking behind my back and saying some really mean things. As I’ve said before, it’s never been a perfect relationship, and I don’t think I’m someone they like, but to find out things this way really hurt.

In response to being confronted with this, they fired the cleaning lady and blamed her. No one said a word to me. Of course the guy in the middle relayed their excuses and that they didn’t say certain things about my kids (bullshit), they never apologized, nor have they ever brought it up. Like everything else, I’m supposed to let it sweep under the rug and not bring it up when I see them.

I’m torn because my mother-in-law is very good to my children. She loves them very much and is always there for events in their life. For that reason, I love and respect her, but it’s hard to like her when I know how she feels about me. Perhaps that’s unfair…I’ve always known she didn’t like me. I didn’t need the cleaning lady to tell me that. I just never thought she was the type of person to gossip about it.

I know I need to let it go, but I’m struggling. It’s something I’ll continue to work on, and a glass of wine sure helps when she’s here. For now, I need to stop thinking about it. Sometimes when I’m annoyed I start to think of all the things that annoy me. I lump everything together.

I’m all of the sudden irritated with my friend who bashed my blog idea. I haven’t talked to him in months, minus a few random texts for stupid reasons. I miss him, but there is a part of me that is still angry at him, too. I think everything is just coming to the surface today. My stupid birthday is coming. I’m fat and ugly, and I’m annoyed.

Okay, now I’m laughing. It’s just one of those days, and struggling to get out of bed or stay awake really isn’t helping. Tomorrow is another day. I’ll work on that whole positive attitude thing and get back to you.

Advertisements

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lisa
    Mar 29, 2014 @ 04:28:55

    Sometimes you just need to vent! I have similar in-law issues, and it is hard. My other half hates going home for visits because even he doesn’t feel welcome by certain of his family and doesn’t know why. Now that our kids are older, they see it, too! I’ve had days like you describe! This whole week, and part of last, in fact. Horrible fibro fog and my grading for my online job has suffered terribly. Another cold front and rain today and I am in major pain. Ugh. We just need to let it go, don’t we?!

    Reply

  2. autoimmunemamabear
    Mar 29, 2014 @ 04:31:12

    Yes, we do, but some days are easier to let it go than others. I think the state of fibro fog certainly doesn’t help. Here’s to a better upcoming week!

    Reply

  3. jenusingword
    Mar 29, 2014 @ 05:28:01

    OMG!!! Did I just read about myself just now? Wow. I certainly understand what all that’s like!!! My bf and I fight about “letting go”, when something happens involving friends or family, even just an acquaintance even- I am always deeply affected by whatever is taking place. I have always wanted to be liked too. I think there are lots of things though that make me torment myself like I do, it sucks too when people are always preaching to you about not caring, etc. I’m sorry you’re upset, I can offer advice but I don’t want to annoy you too! You are self aware and I’m sure you know what to do. (If not, we can dish, lol) I will say this though, you don’t have to love your relatives, just be tolerant and civil when you have to be. I also am willing to bet they anticipate you getting upset, etc. and I know sometimes if you act as though you could care less, it gets a reaction but in a positive way. And if you don’t mind me asking, how did your friend treat things exactly? Bashing a idea is not cool but it seems like time to talk to him about your feelings on it, missing your friendship, etc. If he is a good friend it might be worth working out. I haven’t been following you long but I really am enjoying your posts and you seem to be an excellent mother and person. I hope things start to improve!

    Reply

    • autoimmunemamabear
      Mar 29, 2014 @ 14:39:22

      My friend and I go hot and cold. He’s someone I helped through a very tough time and I don’t want to give up on him, but he knows exactly how to hurt me with words. It’s just a cycle that I need out of for now. I miss the laughter but not the crap. Does that make sense?

      Reply

  4. Renee
    Mar 29, 2014 @ 08:05:38

    Yup I think every woman had problems with their mil. My first marriage out relationship was and is good. My second I put up with only because my son adores her and my present mil is a neurotic nut. I’m being nice. I totally understand your stress and the kids issue. I’m having issues with my son I need to blog but I’m so exhausted I just haven’t. You know where to find me and if you wanna chat send me your email and I can give you all the shit you need to get out of your head. We can be whine (wine) friends xo

    Reply

    • autoimmunemamabear
      Mar 29, 2014 @ 14:40:42

      Thanks so much. I think every family has at least one person that gets under your skin. I need to work on not letting her get to me. It may require more wine and Xanax 🙂

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: