Doctor’s Appointment, Weight Gain & Hoarders

stethoscope

Well I crossed something off of my very long To-Do list today. I called to make an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow. It’s been lingering on my mind that something might be really wrong to cause me to gain all this weight. Of course, I’m looking for a reason other than I eat too much! I really have been eating very well and cutting all my portions, but the numbers on the scale keep going up.

The truth is I’m freakin starving right now. I’m not hungry much during the day and it’s easy to be good, but I’m hungry at 10PM. I just had a rice cake with peanut butter. That’s my new go-to snack. I figure the protein is a plus, and the fact that it’s not chocolate doesn’t hurt either.

I’ve been on medical sites trying to diagnose myself but the only thing I can come up with is that the Celexa might be causing the weight gain. Anyone out there in cyber-world gain weight on Celexa? In the beginning I think I lost weight on it. A few months ago I was bumped from 20 to 40mg when I was going through a tough time. I don’t think that helped, and after 2 months, I dropped it back to the 20mg.

The problem is that I feel good on the Celexa. I have pretty bad anxiety, and I just feel better on it than I do without it. Not to mention when I tried to go off it altogether I was an emotional mess. I distinctly remember freaking out and crying because I couldn’t find the memory card for my camera and we needed to leave to go try on my daughters’ costumes for the Nutcracker. Let’s just say I was having a “moment.”

When I calmed down, I knew that “moment” meant I really wasn’t doing good without it. I do admit that I didn’t tell my doctor I was going off of the anxiety medicine, so I’m guessing there might have been a protocol to taper off of it. I’ll ask that tomorrow. I’m making my list of questions.

I woke up pretty sore from the massage yesterday, but he did mention that my muscles were so tight that they would want to go right back to where they were all knotted. I’m sitting here with my heating pad trying to relax.

Today was a decent day. While it was sleeting and raining when I woke up, my pain level wasn’t that bad. I was able to go back to bed after I got the kids on the bus, which was so nice after working so many hours this past weekend. I needed the rest.

Off-topic rant for the night: Hoarders. Ok, so I’ll admit that I often tune in to watch this show so I feel better about my own messy house. I know no matter how messy my house is, no one is calling the Hoarders crew yet. There is this woman on tonight who is about $50,000 in debt from her shopping habit and she is a mother of four boys. She actually just said to the therapist that she never wanted boys and she was upset that she had them.

Can you imagine ever saying that about your child? I think, okay, I have issues and I have problems, but no matter what, my kids come first…always. There are plenty of days that I’ve sucked it up and went to a baseball game or dance practice when I wasn’t feeling up to it. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my kids, and I just can’t imagine any mother wouldn’t feel that way.

While I feel moderately better about the lack of organization in my home, I’m irritated that people like that get to have children. I tried for several years to have kids and suffered three miscarriages before I had my son. It brought me back to how I’d feel when I was trying so hard to have  baby and the news reports of child abuse or the mom who left her baby in a dumpster would make me question if there was really a God. Here I was, someone who always wanted to be a mom, and I couldn’t stay pregnant and these people have more and more kids.

Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest. I can look past your messy home, but I can’t look past the poor treatment of kids.

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