Sorry to Disappoint

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For those of you waiting on the edge of your seats to hear about my reading with the medium, you’re going to have to wait another week. My migraine is back, thankfully not nearly as bad as the other night, but I feel crappy enough that I asked her if we could do it next week. Unbelievably, I woke up to about an inch of snow on the ground today. I swear, it was almost 80 degrees like three days ago. This is insane. Not only is it insane, it’s also hell on my rheumatoid arthritis and my fibromyalgia.

My joints were very stiff today with the cold. I had plans with my aunt and just being out in the freezing cold with the wind whipping around, needs a damn jacket again, and wishing I remembered to wear gloves…it was hell! It’s April! Enough of the cold.

My friend Christina posted on the Autoimmune Mama Facebook Group this evening that she felt she was always coming up short in one area or another in her life, whether it be her family, her clients, her business, her health, etc. It really made me think. I can so relate to how she feels, and I think most of us with autoimmune diseases can. It’s a juggling act between feeling well enough to take care of the things you need to do, and doing the things you want to do, combined with putting out the fires that come up on a daily basis. It’s hard! Heck, it’s hard just being a mom, let alone being a mom with an autoimmune disease (or in my case, more than one).

As I mentioned, my kids are on spring break. I’m reminded myself constantly that I love them…and that I went through hell to have them because I wanted them so badly. I need to remind myself so much because they are sending me over the edge this week. My day started out with my son crying that he was starving (again) and then whining about being bored. At one point today my girls were arguing and I told them to knock it off. My seven-year-old told me they weren’t fighting, it was the Littlest Pet Shops that were fighting. I actually told them that if the Littlest Pet Shops continued fighting I was going to separate them. Chalk that one up to things you never thought you ever say!

My point is it’s hard with them home. I’m trying to work. I’m trying to have fun with them, and I’m trying to not feel like crap…but the problem is that I do. My hands are back to feeling numb. I had the sharp pins and needles for over and hour this morning, followed by numbness. Now they are just freezing and white from the Raynaud’s. My hips and legs are sore and stiff. Is it the worst I’ve been? No. But I don’t feel good, that’s for sure.

What is making me happy at the moment is my job working for a nonprofit agency that helps children with special needs. I’ve been helping with an online auction and even doing a little fundraising (by email only because I’m anti-social and unfriendly), and I’m having a blast. Every time someone bids on something I’m thinking in terms of another family that I know we can help. Working there I see exactly how the funds are used. It’s not an operation that brings in a whole lot. Let me state the obvious…I’m not going to get rich working there, but I’m so happy doing what I do. I work with really awesome people, who are taking the time to teach me so much, and it just feels good when you help a parent in need, or you do something that you know is going to positively impact a child.

I try and focus on the good in my life when I’m having my low points. Yes, I’m feeling like hell, but I’m also lucky to have a job where I can work from home, in my pajamas most of the time. So all in all…it was an okay day. I’m hoping my kids are a tiny bit less annoying tomorrow. Also on my to-do list tomorrow is meeting with the head of the town’s Board of Finance…by myself. Did I mention I don’t really like people? I also don’t feel he and I have much in common, but I’m going to do my part to make sure he understands special education, but I don’t think he gets how expensive it is, and that it’s something that is state mandated. So, I’ll be stepping out of my comfort zone, perhaps with a half a xanax on hand, and going to have a cup of coffee with the BOF Chair. Oh the joy of it all. I’m sure I’ll have fun stories from that tomorrow.

Have a great night everyone!

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mudpilewood
    Apr 17, 2014 @ 09:23:43

    I wish you a weekend of pain free fun. I am not surprised you love your job, I got to work in two special needs schools lately and loved it. The children had such a variety of abilities that they kept me on my toes. Loved the whole vibe and challenge of being around them, they took such delight in each and every accomplishment.

    Reply

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