Go Away Raynaud’s

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Yes, I understand that medically it’s mostly just an annoyance, but dammit, my hands are a translucent white. They are freezing cold, and they hurt so bad they sting. I have pins and needles that feel like someone is jabbing little pins into the tips of my fingers when I run them under warm water to try and bring them back to a normal color and temperature. It’s more than an annoyance, it hurts.

It’s April 17th, I have my electric blanket on, my heating pad on my lower back and I keep alternating placing my hands onto the heating pad for extra warmth. It’s frustrating.

Today was a really busy day, and I probably did too much, yet I’m still wide awake. I started the morning teaching my class, but it wasn’t my best one. I didn’t have my best energy level, and my body started off pretty stiff and sore to begin with, so it was difficult to get going. I brought the kids to a trampoline park for an hours after my class, but this time I didn’t play along because none of my friends were jumping. I have to admit being a tiny bit disappointed, but it’s probably for the best because I’m not feeling that well.

We came home and I needed to catch a quick nap, which was all of thirty minutes, but I could hardly keep my eyes open. The fatigue has been pretty bad, and I also upped my Topamax to 100mg, and I remember that the fog and sleepiness from that usually takes a few days to get used to. The good news is that I haven’t been as hungry, which is kind of nice. I was down 4 pounds, but let’s be honest…I’m down for pounds from my highest weight ever so that’s hardly a celebration quite yet. I have just noticed overall, I’m not hungry between meals like I was before, so I’m not doing as much snacking….BONUS!

The highlight of my day was my daughter second voice lesson. Yes…I am that mom that cries at everything. I cried today as she sang Do You Want to Build a Snowman from Frozen. It’s not like I haven’t heard her sing it a million times around the house, but with some coaching on hold the notes and breathing, I couldn’t believe how she sounded. Just hearing my baby sing was so awesome.

I already know I’m not going to be able to sit through every lesson because I’m going to be that mom who cries, but if that’s the worst she can say about me at the moment, that’s not so bad.

Tonight I also met with our town’s Board of Finance Chairman. It was different than I expected. While I didn’t agree with everything he had to say, I rather liked him. I have learned that it’s always best to get your information straight from the source rather than from other people in the town. While I’m antisocial, I have sat down with the First Selectman, and had conversations with the superintendent, and the Chairman and other members of the Board of Education. Instead of running with the angry crowd, I’m getting my own information.

Do I agree with the angry crowd on some things, yes! Do I agree with the Board of Finance on other things, yes. Does this make me confuse…it sure as hell does. I am a middle of the road kind of voter. I am socially liberal, but when it comes to money I go back and forth depending on the issue. There are a lot of government programs that I think do amazing things. BUT…there are also some government funded programs that are a waste of money. There are many senators and congress people who don’t earn their salaries.

Anyway, I feel pretty good that I at least have listened to all the sides. I’m not sure who to believe on some things, as they are both citing very different facts. I’m sure the truth is in the middle, but I do feel that the man I met with this evening gave me a lot more to think about than I have heard in the past. I’m just trying to stay involved. I am one of those people that never really got involved in this stuff, and I’m trying educate myself.

Have a good night everyone!

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