Let’s Go Rangers!

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First, let me give a shout out to my favorite hockey team, who hasn’t been to the Stanley Cup Finals in twenty years. It was an exciting game. I don’t think I breathed for the final few minutes, but they did it! I’ve been waiting a long time for this.

Today was a decent day. I’m feeling pretty good, not nearly as stiff as I was a few days ago. It’s just been a stressful week being a mom. My son is having friend drama again. This time his baseball “friends” told him that he sucks and that he should probably quit. You can imagine how well that went over with an already insecure ten-year-old who is struggling to fit in with the cool kids. Not well! All year he has tried to be friends with these twins. For their privacy, I’ll call them Frick and Frack. I won’t say they are bad kids. They’re not. They just aren’t sensitive kids. They are the kids making fun of the special needs kids, calling them “retards.” That doesn’t sit well with me.

The problem is the dads are friends and have been since college. My husband is Frack’s godfather. That certainly adds an interesting layer, doesn’t it? So for whatever reason, my son thinks they are cool and really wants to be friends with them, and I think he finally learned that they just aren’t good friends to him. Friends don’t talk behind your back. Friends build you up, not tear you down. But this left him with a whole new problem. Frick and Frack seem to control the whole group of friends, so my son felt like he has no friends. Is this true? Of course not. He’s melodramatic, but try explaining that to him! It’s how he feels and all I can do is listen and try and reassure him that he does have some solid friendships.

This parenting stuff is hard! I feel like I’m part mom/part therapist! Of course, we really wanted him to get an awesome hit today and look Frick right in the eye and say, “See, I don’t suck!” Unfortunately, it was a miserable game for the entire team…probably our worst of the season. Hoping for a huge hit on Saturday…like a game crushing hit. If you all could send a few prayers for my non-Derek Jeter son, I’d sure appreciate it.

Regarding my RA, today was a better day. My hips, knees, and elbows have been really sore and stiff. I did seem to have more energy today, but not quite enough to go for a walk outside. I get manage to clean, which needed to be done.

Tomorrow is Play Day at my youngest daughter’s school and I’m excited to be volunteering. It’s her last year in this school that only houses Kindergarten and First Grade students. My baby is growing up and I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I am thinking tomorrow will be a lot of fun to see her and her class do all their activities. I’m truly just happy to be feeling well enough to be able to participate in this stuff. Two months ago it would have been iffy.

Lastly, I’d like to mention that I’ve been encouraged to start a twitter account for Brutus. Oh it didn’t take much arm twisting. You can follow him @brutusflamingo

 

 

And Back to Insomnia

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I have been taking Melatonin fairly early in the evening and it’s been working pretty well for me. I’ve been falling asleep around 11pm or so most nights. I forgot to take it tonight because I was bust being a mom and trying to help my son cope with a “friend” being mean to him about his baseball ability.

Okay, it’s wrong of me to say, but I’d like to punch the kid at the moment. My son is not the star athlete. He’s not going to be the next Derek Jeter, but he loves to play and he tries very hard. He also improves a great deal from year to year. This year his hitting is light years above where it was last year. I used to cringe and pray every time he’d get up to bat. This year I no longer cringe, but I still pray. He’s hit some darn good balls!

From what his father tells him, baseball is 75% mental. He needs to go out there with more confidence, and he just doesn’t have it. Not only in sports, but in life. He lacks confidence in most things. It’s a constant struggle and one he sees a therapist for. Anyway, my son really wants to fit in with these cool athletic kids. My husband is good friend with one of the dads, and my son just automatically assumed that would make him best friends with the sons. It doesn’t work that way.

And guess what, I’m not so disappointed they don’t want to be his best friend. They are great friend material! Friends don’t tell other kids you suck at baseball. Friends don’t say mean things about you to other kids. Friends don’t make fun of you. My son’s instinct was to want to get this kid in trouble, and we tried to talk to him out of that. He’s in fifth grade and the tattling stage needs to end. The best revenge is for his to go out there on Thursday, nail a great hit, look the kid square in the eye, and say, you still think I suck? And I suggested he say it right in front of the boy’s dad who is the assistant coach! I also suggested his father (the coach) talk to the team as a whole about talking about other team members, without specifically calling anyone out.

Obviously this kid knows what he did, and he’ll get the point without causing any repercussions for my son. My son doesn’t understand the repercussions part of it all. Anyway, this took up a large chunk of my evening, and then cause me a lot of stress after the kids went to bed because I blame myself for everything. I’m not sure what I could have done differently to make him a better athlete, but whatever…I’m sure I did it.

Regarding my autoimmune life, today sucked! Not quite needing the cane suck…but for the first time ever my elbows are getting so stiff that it hurts to straighten my arms. My hips are still in quite a bit of pain, so I’m slower than usual, but I’m moving. It’s frustrating, but we just had some really crazy storms move through CT, so I’m not sure if that played into it all. The arm thing was bothering me today because that’s a brand new symptom. My arms have never bothered me. It usually my hands, feet, and hips. I don’t want to add another body part into the mix!

Tomorrow I’m looking forward to a morning of being able to put the kids on the bus and going back to sleep for a nap. It sounds so silly, but it’s been a while since I’ve been able to do that, and the end of our school year is coming. I need to get my naps in now! Hopefully this insomnia won’t keep me up all night and I won’t sleep the day away tomorrow. If I’m feeling up to it, I’d like to get out even for a quick walk. Something is better than nothing, especially since all my cheating over the weekend only brought me a one pond weight loss. Very disappointed! I need to step up my game! Adding exercise back into the mix is the only way to do it. I just need to make sure I don’t overdo it.

Until tomorrow…

 

Memorial Weekend Recap

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Truth be told, I wrote a really long blog on Saturday night. It was an Ambien rant and I must have fallen asleep before I hit publish (lucky for you). It was filled with typos and it went in several different directions, but I think my topic of choice was really on friendships…and that my son fell out of a tree…and off of a basketball hoop. Let’s just say, he was an accident waiting to happen on Saturday and I was contemplating covering him in bubble wrap to make it through the parade and picnics on our agenda for Sunday.

Saturday and Sunday were very tough days for me in terms of my RA. I woke up Saturday and could hardly walk. I ended up going to a friend’s son’s First Communion party and then bailing on an anniversary party later that evening because I could hardly stand. This left me with a predicament for Sunday. I wasn’t walking well, and I had a lot of walking to do.

For the first time since my foot surgery over a year ago, I went out in public using my cane. This was a huge ordeal for me. As I have mentioned, despite my decision to blog about my autoimmune disease, I am an intensely private person. I don’t like to let people know how much pain I’m in. I’m completely fine unloading on my blog to people who are reading a blog about autoimmune diseases. I’m guessing you got to my blog because you either suffer from an autoimmune disease yourself, or you somehow found the blog post with the picture of my beautiful lawn flamingo Brutus, and got hooked. Either way, you’re here!

I packed the girls into the car (my son was marching with his football team) along with a blanket and a folding chair and my cane and we were off. I fought off a slight panic attack as I was getting out of the car, and told myself to grow up and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. The reality was I just didn’t want to answer questions. It had very little to do with the cane itself, it was the endless conversations and stupid questions that I truly was trying to avoid. Okay, and I also didn’t really want the looks of pity either. Honestly, I’ve been doing great lately. The past two days completely sucked, but the three weeks before that were great with hardly any pain at all.

I started my trek with my cane and had to keep reminding my daughters to slow down. My friend saw me when we were approaching our usual parade spot and she grabbed the chair from me and asked how I was doing. She didn’t make a big deal out of it, and simply helped me set up my chair and started chatting. I have good friends. They know me well enough to know that I don’t like fuss.

Worse than the parade was walking into a big inlaw party with my cane. I swear the funniest moment was when my mother-in-law said “oh, my! What Happened?” and I responded that it was just a bad day for my rheumatoid arthritis. She then said, “Oh, I didn’t know you had the same thing I do?” To which I replied, “I don’t! You don’t have rheumatoid arthritis. You have osteo-arthritis.”

Oh the fun that is each and every time I get to explain it. And it’s not like we haven’t had the conversation before. One night when I’m annoyed, I’ll tell you about the time she asked why I never told her that I was adopted (keep in mind, it was news to me that I WAS adopted as I had no freakin idea what she was talking about). That was one of my favorite conversations ever.

Anyway, I survived the events with my cane. No one made a big deal about, which was good. I also decided that I am way too cool for a boring cane. If I am going to have to use a cane now and then because of my hip, I need one that looks like a flamingo. I’m totally on the case to find one. I found someone who has a supplier that will design one to spec. I think I’ll just feel better about the whole thing if I have a crazy cane.

Today was a better day. I didn’t need my cane at all, and I had the excitement of cleaning my house. I spent all day cleaning and it still looks messy to me.

I’m a little worried about my self-weigh-in tomorrow as I did a bit of cheating at the picnics this weekend, including a piece of chocolate cream pie and a cookie. Overall the damage could have been MUCH worse, but I don’t know if I’ll make the three pounds I was hoping for. Right now I’m praying I didn’t gain anything.

I hope you all enjoyed the long weekend and took some time to remember why we celebrate Memorial Day. Thank you to the men and women who gave their lives for our freedom and to those who continue to fight for it.

A Good Friend Can Make or Break Your Day

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Just another day is crazytown. The kids had a half-day at school so everyone was home by 12:30. I tutor my autistic client on Friday mornings so I’m trying to tell you that I got nothing done today. That’s not exactly true. I did manage to get the three kids in the car and go pick up my son’s new lenses for his glasses and his sports glasses. That was my one accomplishment, followed by a ride home of me taking a play date away from my son for being disrespectful and then listening to him complain about it for the rest of the ride home.

I’ve been on a kick all week that my kids are rude, so I explained that they are just going to start losing things. My son had to come home and clean his room before he could go to a sleepover that he had planned for this evening. He complained all through doing that, and there were a few tears before he went outside to tell the neighbor that he could not go over to play, but I’m hoping that they get it through their heads that Mom isn’t going to tolerate obnoxious behavior.

My hip was a little better today, but my spirits are still a little low. I found out someone that I’ve known for the majority of my life (though not super close) asked my hairdresser/friend some personal questions about me. I’m not sure why it’s bothering me so much. I actually found this out a few days ago and I can’t put it aside for whatever reason.

It may sound funny considering I’m blogging about my life, but I’m a very private person in terms of certain parts of my life. We all have things we just choose not to discuss and I have a lot of those. It’s not that I don’t talk about my life, but I don’t put my crap out there for everyone to see. I don’t air most of my dirty laundry on Facebook, though I’ve been known to slip up and vent now and then. We all make mistakes.

I just feel like there is this whole conversation going on behind my back and I’m walking around not knowing a thing. I was happier not knowing a thing. I’m trying to hold my head up and just ignore it all. A few years ago I “dumped” a lot of friends and went through a bit of a mid-life crisis. This all happened right before I was diagnoses with rheumatoid arthritis. I just found myself being very unhappy with my life. A lot of my friends weren’t real friends.

Don’t you hate backstabbing people? People that I worked with for years…like 15 years, stabbed me in the back as the company was in trouble and what could have been an layoff due to money, was the meanest, ugliest, most hurtful layoff. One of my bridesmaids stepped up and felt she could do my job and went behind my back to the boss saying she’d do it for less money. It all crumbled a few months later when they realized after 15 years no one but me knew how to index a book with their computer database system and they had to pay me my hilariously ridiculous consulting rate to go in for a day and fix everything they screwed up. That was a fantastic day for me…though the ex-friend and everyone who backstabbed me conveniently took the day off, including the boss who let me go.

Anyway, where am I going with this? About that time I started re-evaluating my friends. I think I deleted like 80-100 Facebook friends in one evening because I didn’t know who was my friend and who wasn’t. Dramatic, yep! But some of them needed to go! A very small few were re-friended.

Add an autoimmune disease into the mid-life crisis and there I was dealing with a whole lot of crap within three years. Did I mention that I still see the former co-worker/bridesmaid all the time? Our sons are in the same grade and they are friends. Heck, they are even on the same baseball team. That first year was super uncomfortable, but once again I’m the bigger person. We’re civil, maybe even bordering on friendly these days. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her, but I gave up the anger on the subject because the only one it was affecting was me.

Friendships grow and change when things happen in your life. You learn who your friends are in a crisis, and sometimes even during really happy times, too. I re-evaluated some friendships a few months after being diagnosed with RA. One of my closest friends asked me a boat load of questions, and clearly had done some research, which made me think…wow, he cared enough to look this up. Then he came out with, “are your hands going to turn into claws in a few years?”

Um…I have no idea. A normal person wouldn’t ask that because they would know that when a person is diagnosed with RA, the first picture in their head is the hands with severe deformities. Admit it RA sisters! It was definitely the first picture that popped into my head, and the answer is that I have no idea. In my case, the RA was caught early. We hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

A good friend can make or break your day. As much as I’m sitting here annoying that once again people are talking behind my back, I’m also at peace because I have at least 5 friends that I know I can pick up the phone, get on the computer and chat, or contact in some way and they will listen and be there for me. Bottom line, I need to get a grip! I’m actually very lucky.

And then there’s always my cats!

 

Oh Arthritis…I Didn’t Miss You

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I can’t say welcome back, but I figured my reprieve from my RA wouldn’t last forever. This morning I woke up for the first of what’s supposed to be one of many rainy days and my right hip was not in good shape. It was a slow go this morning, but I had to teach my class. It definitely wasn’t the toughest class I’ve taught, but I made it through.

I’m going to be brutally honest and tell you that I slept from about noon to almost 3pm. I was absolutely useless today. I couldn’t focus. I was in pain. At one point I thought I was getting a migraine (thank goodness that didn’t happen), but overall I just really felt like crap. I’m trying not to complain because I really have had a good few weeks in terms of joint and muscle pain. It’s been more than manageable. In fact, tonight is the first night in a long time that I’ve had to take an anti-inflammatory.

So basically what I’m telling you that I’ve had a crappy day. I’m in a funk for all sorts of reasons. Pain is definitely one, but people are pissing me off right and left. I joke about being anti-social, but there is just a big part of me that prefers to stay out of social situations because people are cliquey and even adults are catty and mean. Okay, not all of them. I happen to know a lot of wonderful people! Let me put that right out there. It’s just that lately I’ve been at every baseball game, etc. for my kids and I’m not in the “in” crowd.

My son isn’t in the “in” crowd, and it bothers him terribly. I’m a grown-up. I could care less if some of those people like me because at the end of the day I have true and wonderful friends that I can count on. I don’t need those people, but my son really wants to fit in. I guess I can relate to it. I spent a lot of my middle school and high school years feeling like I didn’t fit in, and trying too hard, and it kills me to see him doing the same thing. And, boys are so much more dorky than girls. They get silly and stuff. I don’t get it.

Maybe I’m cranky. I hate ending the day feeling like a bad parent. I did a lot of yelling tonight…it wasn’t my best parenting night either. My daughter has been so bitchy lately. I’m not even sure what to do anymore. Nothing seems to work with her. I told her I’m going to start taking stuff away from her every single time she speaks in that tone. It’s killing me because she’s the sweetest kid and she’s just flying off the handle at nothing. Perhaps hormones? She’s only nine. When do hormones start? Dear lord, I’m not sure I’m ready for that!

I think I’m just a crab and I’m going to call it a night because this blog has turned into one big bitch session. Sorry about that. Even my cats avoided me today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Is It Friday Yet?

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This is a long week, and today was a long day that started really early for a girl with autoimmune issues who doesn’t do early mornings. Well, even before being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia I was never a morning person, those issue just make it harder to get up and get moving. But this morning I had a mission. I was taking on the special education department of my son’s middle school. The biggest debate within myself this morning was, do I take a half a xanax or not? I opted for not and for a car ride full of deep yoga breathing (it totally didn’t help my nerves).

When I got there, my advocate (and co-worker) was already there, which in itself lowered my stress level quite a bit. When we were called into the meeting you could feel the tension, and it wasn’t pretty, but I was lovely, LOL. I smiled and greeted them all graciously because I knew I was about to have all of their heads on a platter. We might as well start off sweet.

As I think I mentioned in another blog, my son did not meet one of his fourteen IEP goals this year (even though he’s on the Honor Roll). I requested all their data from their work with him on is IEP goals because according to special education state law, they are required to keep data on all special education students. This means that all along they should be tracking his progress from September to now in measurable sources of testing. I was given a graph from the end of March through yesterday. I allowed them to thoroughly explain the data, and it did provide some valuable info about the last two months.

Then, I asked about September through March and the blank stares began. Why? Because there was no data from September to March. They had data from the end of March because my son started using a computer program that tracked data. So we had a bit on a problem. Problem number two arose when they mention that they just didn’t have time to work with him on his goals. Oh no, no, no, people. YOU created the goals. YOU had a full year to work with him or meet with him and change his services, goals, etc.

It was around this time, that I smiled. I smiled because I won. I waited for them to move on to the next bullet point on my list, which they attempted to argue with me. The wanted my son to go into a developmental reading class five days per week next year. I’m not saying that’s a bad option, it’s actually a good option, but unfortunately it means my son would have to give up Social Studies and Spanish, two subjects that he received no academic support in and maintained an A+ average. I looked at the plainly, and said just that. I want my son to go to developmental reading every other day, and continue to take Spanish so he doesn’t become one year behind his peers.

Social studies isn’t a subject where if you miss a year you become completely lost. If you miss a year of a language, it’s a big deal. Not to mention, I felt that my son worked his ass off this year and it was important to meet him half way. They were NOT pleased and wanted to go on record that they didn’t agree with me. My advocate jumped in with reasons backing up my decision, and again, I politely smiled and said I was making the decision in the best interest of my son.

I could have made it a truly ugly meeting, but I have to deal with these people for the next 10 years with three kids coming through the school. I could report the school to the state for violating my child’s IEP, but I won’t. I think it’s enough that everyone at that table knows that I know my rights. I left there feeling very good about how it was handled, and that I did the right thing for my son. I also got them to commit to summer tutoring (which I haven’t told my son about yet…he won’t be thrilled), but they wouldn’t even consider that at the last PPT.

All in all, it was a good meeting. My advocate said to me in the parking lot, “you know you didn’t need me at all for that” and that made me feel good, but honestly, just the mention of bringing an advocate scares the crap out of the “team” and sometimes that’s a darn good thing. I bet they don’t screw up my son’s services again any time soon.

My guess is that tomorrow I will have a migraine due to the stress. I didn’t realize how much it all was weighing on me. My neck is already very tight. I’m going to try some preemptive ice on my neck.

I believe tomorrow begins a few days of rain here, so that won’t help. The good news is that other than my class, I don’t have too much on my plate.  I will have time to nap!

Need Some Prayers for Tomorrow

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Ok, here’s the deal…tomorrow is my follow-up PPT. If you don’t know what that is, I’m going to need you to review, LOL! Quick recap: my son has dyslexia. He is on the Honor Roll at school. Big YAY! He did not meet one of his IEP (Individualized Education Plan) goals for the year. Big Boo! Actually that’s more than a boo! The school actually has to answer to the state for note meeting their own goals, and they had every opportunity to meet with me at any point during the year to revise them or change services, etc., but instead they treated me like an idiot and merely tired to not let on that he didn’t meet all his goals.

So tomorrow we go back to finish the PPT with my advocate. Oh my advocate! God bless him! He sent an agenda. This in itself had me laugh with picture in my head of the special education teacher scrambling to come up with data that they were legally supposed to have collected throughout the year, that we all know they didn’t do. It should be interesting, but I’m truly very stressed about it. The main thing isn’t proving that the school fucked up, it’s getting my son appropriate services that are actually going to help him.

The kid shouldn’t have to spend three hours on homework that other kids spend one hour on. He needs help, and it’s my job as the mom to fight for my son’s education. The good news is I’m going in with the big guns, in that my advocate is a wealth of knowledge. He’s calm and soft spoken, but he knows special education law inside out. I know I’m in good hands having him at my side.

I’m opted to take a half an Ambien tonight because I’m so wound up about the meeting that I know I won’t sleep. I just want it all to turn out well for my son. The school really screwed up and failed him this year, and I won’t let that happen again.

And for those of you waiting with baited breath I lost three freakin pounds. I was royally disappointed this morning. It’s ten total from my heaviest, but I was hoping for four or five. I’m not giving up. One week down and I’m on to week two. Slow and steady…still hoping for five pounds this week. A girl can dream.

My hands have been pretty stiff today and my legs and lower back have been bothering me. While the weather has been really nice, I think my exhaustion is getting the better of me and I just want to sleep. If you could send me some positive thoughts at 8AM tomorrow, I sure would appreciate it.

 

 

 

Still Crabby…And Afraid of My Scale

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You read that correctly! I’m afraid of my scale. Tomorrow is the big day. I’ve spent one full week on Take Shape for Life/MediFast and the last time I stepped on the scale was last Tuesday morning. Technically, I started the diet a week ago today, but I forgot to weight myself that morning and ended up weighing myself on Tuesday.

So tomorrow morning, first thing, I need to get on the scale. Oh it’s going to suck. Why? Because I’m not sure how I did. I stuck to the plan. I didn’t even mind the plan (with the exception of the god-awful mac & cheese). I’ve enjoyed the foods, and I don’t feel hungry. In terms of being easy to do, it’s working for me, but tomorrow will tell if it’s working for me in terms of the pounds, and that’s what really matters.

I will get discouraged if I only lost one pound, or if heaven forbid, I gained weight. I truly didn’t stray from the plan with the exception of one Chips Ahoy cookie this weekend. It was staring me down on the kitchen table and I caved. It was one. I ate it, and moved on!

I told my coach today, it’s almost easier not knowing how much I lost because I feel like if I didn’t lose a lot of enough, I’ll lose my motivation. Part of the problem is that with this plan they don’t want to you do heavy exercise for the first few weeks because of the reduces calorie diet. On the days I teach classes, my coach has me eating extra servings of protein and calories to compensate for what I’m burning off in class. So there you have it, I’m scared.

So to sum up today’s two blogs, I’m depressed and scared. Pretty darn good day, huh! I snapped out of the depression a bit. My daughter came home and apologized for our argument and told me how much she loved me. We had a good took about her fears about singing and decided that we’d talk to her voice coach about some strategies to help with her nerves.

My son is lucky he survived the day after he took a Sharpie to my youngest daughter’s doll. He had to cough up $40 from his own bank to pay for another one for her. I was so angry and disappointed in him for doing something do mean. I really don’t think he even understood just how mean it was until he saw her crying. That was super fun to deal with.

There’s just been a lot going on. So many things weighing on me, culminating with my son’s special education PPT on Wednesday morning—the first PPT ever that I will be bringing an advocate. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I have the upper hand, but it’s still nerve-racking. The good news is, the advocate I’m bring with me is so knowledgeable and calm, I know I’m in good hands.

I just think the stress is wreaking havoc on my autoimmune system. My body is shutting down and I’m feeling exhausted and flu-ish. I’m not sick. I’m just achy and rundown. Exactly the way I feel at the start of a flare, minus the pain. I have some stiffness, but other than some leg pain, there really isn’t any extreme pain; just aches.

This too shall pass. Hopefully I’ll have time for another nap tomorrow and that will help!

 

Leave a Message

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Did you ever have one of those days where you want to just sit in bed, under the covers and ignore the world? Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing today. I can’t say that I’m in that much pain, it’s not that. My hands are stiff, but nothing like when it’s cold out. I think I likely did too much yesterday trying to organize my house. I got three rooms, done, and my kids’ rooms still look like a tornado passed through.

I’m overwhelmed and I just lack the energy to do anything about it. All I want to do is cry today, and I don’t have a specific reason. Yesterday sucked. I spent the day cleaning. My kids were tough. My son just completely over-reacts, my younger daughter doesn’t listen, and my older daughter has an attitude. I wanted her to practice her singing, and it was like I asked her to walk across hot coals. This is the kid that begged me to let her take singing lessons and can’t wait to go each week.

Newsflash…mom isn’t paying for lessons if you don’t practice. Then she dropped the other bomb on me that she is too scared to do the recital. As her mother, I knew it was coming. She’s been getting so much better with her confidence, but getting up in front of a room full of people and singing alone would rattle even a confident kid. I’m not sure how to handle it. I’m stumped. Do I push her to do it because she really is good? I mean, if she wasn’t that good, I would never push her to do it. I would encourage her to work on a different talent. The thing is, she is really good. In fact, her voice coach, thinks she so good that she has someone coming to listen to her for a children’s choir in August.

I think it’s a tough one for me because I’m reliving this through my daughter. I was the kid who could sing, and was deathly afraid. I was telling her that I got up in front of the school in sixth grade to sing a solo, and I started too early, and I panicked. Then, when it came to singing in front of the parents I was really nervous, but I did it perfectly. But, I let my nerves get the best of me and never tried again, and I don’t want to see her do that. I’m not that mom who wants to relive their childhood through their kid, but I see how happy she is when she’s working with her coach. She loves every minute of it, and she really is good. Ugh…this parenting stuff is tough.

Anyway, I wish I could say that’s all that was on my mind. I wish I could even narrow down what’s on my mind. I’m just feeling depressed and blue today. I’m afraid to get on the scale tomorrow, though I really have done a darn good job with this stupid diet. I haven’t stepped on the scale since last Tuesday morning and I know I’m going to be disappointed if I haven’t lost any weight…or even if I lost like 2 pounds.

I should get the hell out of bed, take a shower and go for a walk, but I just don’t feel like it. I don’t like anyone around me, except maybe my cats. I’m exhausted. I think I just depleted everything I had working on that novel. it sounds dumb because it’s “just reading” but it took over my life for like 2 weeks. It was nuts and I just need a break. I’ve been struggling on and off with headaches again and I’m just darn tired.

I don’t usually blog during the day, but I needed to vent. Hopefully, it will pass…

Migraines Suck; Diets Suck

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My head has been pounding since Tuesday. I have pretty much made it through with ice packs on the back of my neck every few hours, muscle relaxers, and Excedrin Migraine. It hasn’t been fun, especially because I have been finishing up editing and doing a final proofread of a novel. I feel like I’ve read it about 100 times at this point.

It’s really not good for me to read it that many times all this close together. Usually I take a week to do a book and then a few days off before I read it again after changes are made. This author was making changes while I was editing, so this was just one constant circle of reading and re-reading. It’s a good book, but I’m very happy to be done with it.

I’m not sure what the trigger for this migraine is. My allergies have been pretty had for the past few days. The tree pollen is everywhere and even my kids are having a tough time. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a lot of my plate…but let’s be honest, who doesn’t? It’s not like I’m under any more stress than usual!

I’m lying here with my ice packs, hoping that I wake up tomorrow headache-free. I have another busy day tomorrow that includes tutoring my autistic client, being the secret reader in my daughter’s first grade class, and going to that same daughter’s transition PPT. If you don’t know what a PPT is then you probably don’t have a child who receives special education services. My youngest daughter will be the first child to be dropped from services, and I give it a year at most that she stays on.

Though I think she benefits from the social skills groups (she’s a little rough around the edges and has ADD), her academics are beginning to get much higher than grade level, which will make my argument for services a little bit difficult. At most, I’m hoping they keep her in the social skills group and give her some accommodations. I think she really wants friends and struggles a little bit with letting others talk, etc. Of course I see that more at home with her siblings than her teacher does at school.

I’m still on my diet. Tonight I feel like I have a bit of an upset stomach. I do struggle a bit with low blood sugar so when I spoke to my coach last night she thinks that on the days when I teach classes or work out hard, that I need to eat more protein than is suggested on the average plan. Today I added two hard boiled eggs into my afternoon, and I didn’t have the shakiness, but my stomach is grumbly now. I’m definitely not feeling hungry…more like an upset stomach. I’m hoping I’m not getting sick.

I decided I’m not going to weigh myself again until next Tuesday, and see how I did after one week. I’m trying to be hopeful…of course my hopeful is 15 pounds, HAHA!! I’ll get there. At least I’m trying to be motivated. It’s a start.

Okay, off to put another ice pack over my eyes and try to sleep. How is everyone else feeling?

 

 

 

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