A Good Friend Can Make or Break Your Day


Just another day is crazytown. The kids had a half-day at school so everyone was home by 12:30. I tutor my autistic client on Friday mornings so I’m trying to tell you that I got nothing done today. That’s not exactly true. I did manage to get the three kids in the car and go pick up my son’s new lenses for his glasses and his sports glasses. That was my one accomplishment, followed by a ride home of me taking a play date away from my son for being disrespectful and then listening to him complain about it for the rest of the ride home.

I’ve been on a kick all week that my kids are rude, so I explained that they are just going to start losing things. My son had to come home and clean his room before he could go to a sleepover that he had planned for this evening. He complained all through doing that, and there were a few tears before he went outside to tell the neighbor that he could not go over to play, but I’m hoping that they get it through their heads that Mom isn’t going to tolerate obnoxious behavior.

My hip was a little better today, but my spirits are still a little low. I found out someone that I’ve known for the majority of my life (though not super close) asked my hairdresser/friend some personal questions about me. I’m not sure why it’s bothering me so much. I actually found this out a few days ago and I can’t put it aside for whatever reason.

It may sound funny considering I’m blogging about my life, but I’m a very private person in terms of certain parts of my life. We all have things we just choose not to discuss and I have a lot of those. It’s not that I don’t talk about my life, but I don’t put my crap out there for everyone to see. I don’t air most of my dirty laundry on Facebook, though I’ve been known to slip up and vent now and then. We all make mistakes.

I just feel like there is this whole conversation going on behind my back and I’m walking around not knowing a thing. I was happier not knowing a thing. I’m trying to hold my head up and just ignore it all. A few years ago I “dumped” a lot of friends and went through a bit of a mid-life crisis. This all happened right before I was diagnoses with rheumatoid arthritis. I just found myself being very unhappy with my life. A lot of my friends weren’t real friends.

Don’t you hate backstabbing people? People that I worked with for years…like 15 years, stabbed me in the back as the company was in trouble and what could have been an layoff due to money, was the meanest, ugliest, most hurtful layoff. One of my bridesmaids stepped up and felt she could do my job and went behind my back to the boss saying she’d do it for less money. It all crumbled a few months later when they realized after 15 years no one but me knew how to index a book with their computer database system and they had to pay me my hilariously ridiculous consulting rate to go in for a day and fix everything they screwed up. That was a fantastic day for me…though the ex-friend and everyone who backstabbed me conveniently took the day off, including the boss who let me go.

Anyway, where am I going with this? About that time I started re-evaluating my friends. I think I deleted like 80-100 Facebook friends in one evening because I didn’t know who was my friend and who wasn’t. Dramatic, yep! But some of them needed to go! A very small few were re-friended.

Add an autoimmune disease into the mid-life crisis and there I was dealing with a whole lot of crap within three years. Did I mention that I still see the former co-worker/bridesmaid all the time? Our sons are in the same grade and they are friends. Heck, they are even on the same baseball team. That first year was super uncomfortable, but once again I’m the bigger person. We’re civil, maybe even bordering on friendly these days. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her, but I gave up the anger on the subject because the only one it was affecting was me.

Friendships grow and change when things happen in your life. You learn who your friends are in a crisis, and sometimes even during really happy times, too. I re-evaluated some friendships a few months after being diagnosed with RA. One of my closest friends asked me a boat load of questions, and clearly had done some research, which made me think…wow, he cared enough to look this up. Then he came out with, “are your hands going to turn into claws in a few years?”

Um…I have no idea. A normal person wouldn’t ask that because they would know that when a person is diagnosed with RA, the first picture in their head is the hands with severe deformities. Admit it RA sisters! It was definitely the first picture that popped into my head, and the answer is that I have no idea. In my case, the RA was caught early. We hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

A good friend can make or break your day. As much as I’m sitting here annoying that once again people are talking behind my back, I’m also at peace because I have at least 5 friends that I know I can pick up the phone, get on the computer and chat, or contact in some way and they will listen and be there for me. Bottom line, I need to get a grip! I’m actually very lucky.

And then there’s always my cats!



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Julie Ryan
    May 25, 2014 @ 16:31:05

    I’m sorry you are dealing with frenemies. I often find myself wishing I had more friends, but then I stop and think and realize that having more friends never made me happy, it always lead to drama. I’d rather have the few REAL friends that I have and focus my time and energy on them. They are the ones that will come when I need them and I would do the same for them. I never have to wonder. As for Facebook – my real friends don’t need Facebook to keep up with how I am.


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