It’s a New Day


Yesterday was a difficult day. I spent a lot of time today thinking about and praying for the families of the two people in my life that passed away. I didn’t have a lot of time to over-think about it. I had a really busy day of meetings and running around with my kids.

I’m fighting a migraine at the moment, and I’m also trying to quell a full on panic attack about tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be going into work at a pediatrician’s office for the first time. This is going to ultimately be a once per week thing, but tomorrow is the big “meet & greet” event with me and all the doctors. Did I mention I am not a people person? I have terrible social anxiety? I’m not even sure I like people.

I went to the store to buy myself an outfit to wear and was at least pleased that I have dropped two sizes (still not thrilled with my weight, but at least it’s not going up). As I found something that I felt was appropriate to wear tomorrow, and possibly even cute, I started to completely panic over the small talk. OMG, small talk!

I may have to talk myself into walking through the door tomorrow. I know this is such a huge opportunity for the nonprofit organization that I work for, so I want to do a great job…I just think sometimes when I’m nervous I talk too much, or I stand in a corner and don’t talk. There is no happy medium.

I’ll work on that as I’m talking myself off a ledge on the drive into the office. I don’t even like the sound of that.

On another note, my daughter has a girl over for a sleepover tonight. She’s a nice kid, but she doesn’t mesh with my younger daughter. I think she probably isn’t my favorite of my older daughter’s friends, if I’m being truthful. She has a really nice group of friends. I feel very blessed that she has a great group of girls in her corner because she is such a shy kid. One of her best friends is moving a few towns away this summer and she isn’t taking that too well.

The girls that’s over tonight is sweet, but dramatic. She tells on my younger daughter for everything, and my younger daughter has cried about six times tonight. This is just not the norm when my older daughter has friends over. I mean, I get it, they probably don’t want the little sister there the whole time, but her other friends aren’t mean to my younger daughter at all. In fact, they go out of their way to include her. Let’s just chalk this up to not my favorite sleepover.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s a good kid. It’s just tough being a referee all night. My little one finally went to bed in her room a little while ago. All of this did not help my headache. It’s not quite migraine status, but it’s at the point where I’m considering taking something before it gets much worse. I’m off to get my ice packs and lay down.

Wish me luck tomorrow. I have a feeling I’m going to need it. Let’s hope I don’t blurt out something stupid, or trip and fall on my ass.


Glad Today Is Over


Today was horrible. Not because of my autoimmune issues, but because I had to go to two wakes this evening. While both were sad, obviously losing someone is never easy, the first one that I went to really hit me very hard. It was for an 11-year-old boy, who died in an ATV accident. I think because of the accident I wasn’t expecting an open casket, but I was wrong.

As I walked up to the building, just 15 minutes after the wake began, the line was already out the door and into the parking lot. Waiting on line there were family pictures, including baby pictures, school pictures, etc. I was trying to hold it together before I even saw the family. It’s just not right to have to go to a child’s wake or funeral. It’s not the way it should be. Of course I know it happens, but it was awful.

When I approached my friend, the boy’s father, I lost it. I don’t even know what I ended up saying to try and offer words of comfort. I mean, what can you say? He basically told me that nothing seemed real for him and that the only was he was able to stand there was that he was in complete denial.

I left there a complete mess. As a mom of a son, who is about to turn 11, of course I immediately put myself in their position. How do you get through it? They have to go on. They have another little boy that they have to continue living for, but I just don’t know what to do for them other than pray at the moment.

I feel like I can’t even begin to talk about my rheumatoid arthritis issues tonight, because given the day I’ve had and seeing the suffering of so many friends and family members, all I cared about tonight was coming home and hugging my kids. They aren’t perfect…heck, they often drive me nuts! But, I thank God for them. I might be the over-protective helicopter mom, according to my now ex-friend (the one who hated my blog and deleted me from Facebook), but this is who I am. I am over-protective. I do probably worry too much, but that’s the kind of mother I am.

I also have the relationship with my kids where we talk about feelings and it’s okay to cry. I’m not trying to raise cry babies, but what I mean is, I think it’s important to raise kids that are sensitive. Part of the problem I see with a lot of adults is that they are so busy on their damn phones and with their lives that they are really insensitive to the people around them. It’s important to me that my kids understand compassion and that they are sensitive to others.

We are far from perfect, but then again, who is? I hope everyone is have a pain free day. Also, I wanted to remind you to join the Autoimmune Mama Facebook Group. We are friendly, but I’d love the board to be more active so please come join us. It’s a great place to meet other people and chat about our autoimmune issues or just vent.


It’s a Rheumatoid Kind of Day


My day didn’t start out too bad. I didn’t wake up with too much pain, but gradually as my day went on, I got slower and slower. I had big plans to clean today. I got some of it done, but most of my plans were thwarted by increasing stiffness. My lower back just tightened up and my hips and legs followed along.

I haven’t had a day where I wanted to use my new cane yet, but today came very close. If tomorrow is more of the same, it might be the big day that I break in the flamingo cane when I have to take the girls to musical theater camp. Musical theater camp! I’m laughing even as I type that. Where do they come up with this crap?

When I was a kid they just had camp. There was no theater camp or football camp, or Minecraft camp. I don’t know, maybe there were specialty camps and we just didn’t do them. My mom was a teacher so she was home all summer. We didn’t really do camp. I never had an interest. I wanted to play with my friends.

This will be the first time my girls have ever done camp, but they are going together and it’s at their dance studio with their dance teacher, so the anxiety is non-existent. My son will do a golf camp later in the summer. He does that every year. He’s a darn good golfer. I’m trying to convince him to stop focusing on baseball and put all is focus into golf because he really has talent in that.

I’m sick of having to pray through baseball games that the ball doesn’t get hit to him, or that he hits the ball. It causes me so much stress, I can’t even tell you. He practices so hard, and he really has improved this year. He hits the ball pretty well. But, he’s not the strongest player on his team and his “friends” don’t let him forget that.

My thought is, he’s really good at golf. Put all your energy into that and kick some ass in that in a few years when school has a golf team. Guess what? No one is going to be playing football when they are 40, but people are still going to be playing golf. That means nothing to a ten year old.

I mentioned yesterday that we lost two people in a very short period of time. As luck would have it, their services are at the same times on the same days. I am going to go to both wakes, and I am unable to go to the funerals. It’s just as well. I don’t do well at funerals. I get so emotional. I actually think the one for the little boy would be too much for me to take. I have to recognize my limits and the stress from that would send me into a flare.

I’d be surprised if the stress from everything doesn’t have something to do with the flare I seem to be having today. I don’t recall doing anything physical that would have caused this type of joint pain. The lower back stiffness is just so hard to explain. It feels like a bone pain and a muscle pull at the same time. Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether it’s the rheumatoid arthritis or the fibromyalgia.

I know the hip, knee, and feet pain are the RA, but the muscular pain through the top of my shoulders into my neck and on the inside of my knees has more to do with the fibro. At least those are common fibro trigger points. I’m hoping I feel well enough to get out and walk tomorrow, after I vacuum the house and force the kids to clean their rooms. We’ll see how it goes…one step at a time.

It seems like just when I have a period of feeling pretty darn good, then I have a day that reminds me I still have an autoimmune issue.


Panic Attacks Suck and Other Deep Thoughts


I’m having a panic attack. It’s worse than my usual panic attacks. This one started a good 20 minutes ago, and has gotten progressively worse. I’m not exactly sure what brought it on. It hasn’t been the best week. In fact I’ve written about 4 blogs, but haven’t published one of them because I thought they all sucked.

It’s just one of those weeks where nothing I had to say seemed like it held a candle to what the people around me were going through. On Thursday a friend from high school lost his 11-year-old son in an ATV accident. I made the mistake of looking at his wife’s Facebook page, and I haven’t been able to put it, or her, out of my mind. I can’t imagine anything worse than losing your child.

She put up a frantic post that the boy was missing and asked for people to help her search. That was followed by people praying and others who had faith he’d be okay. But he wasn’t. It’s hard as a parent not to immediately think “what if”? I want to reach out and do something, but really what is there to do? Of course, I’ll make a dinner and offer to do whatever I can, but they lost their child. Realistically, nothing is going to help them. Their lives are never going to be the same.

This whole thing really sent me into over-protective mode. I’m kind of neurotic anyway, but that “what-if” fear is present and I’m having a tough time quelling it. We also lost a family friend to brain cancer today, but that situation, although very sad, is a different one. He was young…younger than me, but he was suffering terribly. He left behind a young wife and a two-year-old so my heart obviously goes out to them. Just a lot of sadness and loss this week.

That makes the fact that my son knocked a lawn chair into the pool and ripped the lining causing a massive leak into my yard seem pretty darn small. But we still had to deal with the chlorinated lake in the yard and the one foot left of water in the pool with the leak. Good times!

There’s a lot going on, but I can’t even tell what it was that sent me over the edge into a panic attack. I was sitting in bed looking for dresses for my daughter’s vocal recital next weekend. I wasn’t aware that we needed a fancy dress, but the girl she is singing a duet with has a very fancy dress. Her mom showed me a picture today…it was like a Christmas dress. All we were told was they need to dress in black for one portion of the concert. I didn’t think we were going formal, but I can’t have my daughter in a cotton dress with her kid decked out in sequins and satin.

It’s so silly that something like that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Sometimes it’s the last thing in a string of things overwhelming you that does you in. My body is fighting the exhaustion. I know I need to really rest at some point tomorrow and Monday to get through an emotional week of wakes and funeral services. I don’t do well with those. Who does? But especially the funeral of a young child…the same age as my son. Not going to lie…that’s going to be just plain awful.

It really puts my autoimmune issues in perspective. I often feel like crap, but my kids are healthy. I’d take that any day. I’m still having hip and back pain, but overall since I’ve upped my Celexa, I haven’t had a panic attack like this. I took a Xanax. Ok, I took a Xanax and a half. It was that bad. I’m just starting to feel it kicking in and the headache that was starting is beginning to subside.

If you are the praying type, I’ll ask that you send a prayer or two for my friends’ families. They are all really good people, and somehow, someway, I pray that they find some peace. If you’re still reading, thank you for letting me unload a blog that was mostly about other people tonight. I just needed to get it out.

And for a bit of humor to leave you with, the picture on top of the page was something I found tonight while going through some papers from my 7-year-old. The last line was suppose to read, If You Give a Pig a Pancake, but she spelled IF wrong. I covered the rest of the text to show you what I saw when I first looked at it. It was the best laugh I had all day.

Must Get Some Sleep


I’d like to wish all the Dads out there a Happy Father’s Day! I hope it was a good one. Mine was a bit crazy. My daughter had a recital practice with her voice coach this morning and I thought it wasn’t going to go well when she walked into a room full of teenagers (she’s 9). She ended up shocking me, and just saying, ” See you in two hours, Mom!” I picked my jaw up off the floor and went home to do some laundry.

I think over the past week–oh who am I kidding, probably for as long as I can remember–my house has been a freakin mess. I have too much crap. My kids have too many clothes, toys, crap, etc. All I wanted to do today was spend the day cleaning. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? It wasn’t! But it needed to get done. I really only tackled my bedroom and my girls’ room, along with 5 loads of laundry.

The kids went out on the boat with their Dad and I opted to stay home, marinate some steaks, and clean while nobody was bugging me to cook something, play something, answer something, or do something. I’m gearing up for the kids to be home for summer in a few days. I need to throw out some of their stuff before they are home for summer vacation. If they don’t see me getting rid of it, they likely won’t notice it’s gone.

The girls’ rooms looks so nice. I hung new curtains that have zebra stripes and organized all their crap. Now that it’s all organized I can easily go through their dressers tomorrow and start tossing stuff for Good Will. Then, I’m consider starting my son’s room if I have enough energy. My energy level gave out around 6pm this evening and my body decided that I was done for the day.

I felt pretty well overall, but my right hip just has that nagging pain that won’t go away. It’s more of an annoyance. Every now and then it gets worst and I’m limping a little, but again–not as bad as in the winter. I keep reminding myself what it was like when it was -2 here in Connecticut. It sucked. I’m just waiting for some nice warm weather. It’s not normal for me to have on fuzzy socks and a sweatshirt in June–yep, that was me at Big Y!

So, tomorrow I have a very big day and I’m a tad bit stressed. I even took a Xanax because I knew sleep was not in my future without it. I’ve been taking some special education law courses in the hopes of becoming more of an advocate for families looking to get special education services for their children. As I mentioned, I work for a terrific nonprofit organization that does wonderful work helping families of children with special needs, but so many of my cases involve schools that are denying services for kids who desperately need them, especially very young kids. Early intervention is key to a child’s success.  Anyway, tomorrow I’ going to my first PPT (Planning and Placement Team meeting) as an advocate.

I’m not sure if I’m ready. It’s for someone that I know personally and she asked me because she knows I care and want to help. It should be cut and dry, but I just want it to go as well as possible, because I do care. There is a part of me that might not be cut out for this because I will take it personally when there are young children who need help involved. Ha! I’m talking myself out of it before I even finish the first course or go to my first PPT, that isn’t for my own child.

Needless to say, I need a good night’s sleep. I don’t know what I’m going to wear. ACK! I can’t stress over that type of crap.

In other news, I have finally come to terms with the NY Rangers loss in the Stanley Cup finals. To celebrate how well they did this year, I dressed up Brutus in a Rangers jersey. I also bought him an outfit for 4th of July. My kids decided that I’m insane, but look, chances are they are all going to end up in therapy anyway. Everyone always blames the mother! At least I’m giving them plenty to talk about. “Well there was this time my mom came home with a 4-foot metal flamingo and named him Brutus. He then became part of the family….”

Wish me luck tomorrow, both at the PPT and for not throwing up from anxiety at the PPT.

Two-Faced People Annoy Me


They are everywhere. Two-faced people. As I mentioned last night, there was a situation at my son’s school and another boy, who happens to have some severe anger issues and needs attacked him during gym. I get that it might be the subject of concern for other parents. This is the fourth time this year (that I know of) that this boy has snapped and attacked another student for no reason. I understand concern for my son, and I understand the concern for safety for other students, but I’m not an idiot.

If you don’t give me the time of day on a regular basis, please don’t email me like we’re best friends when you want information. I’m gong to give you as little information as possible. Something like…My son is doing fine. Thanks so much for your concern. Buh-bye. Okay, I left out the buh-bye, but I was thinking it.

One mom went as far as to ask if I was pressing charges, if I contacted the parents directly, what I said to the school, how the child was being punished…and accused the boy of being the next Adam Lanza (the shooter from Newtown). Now, I’m not thrilled that anyone put there hands on my child. This never should have happened. I’m even surprised at how calm I am about it, but perhaps it’s because I understand that it wasn’t personal. It wasn’t with malicious intent toward my son. There wasn’t a vendetta behind it. It doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it does make it different in my mind.

However, today, my son told me his back was bothering him where he had been kicked. I guess I was so concerned that he got punched in the head, I’m not even sure if I heard the part about being kicked in the back, but he has a good deal of swelling and bruising. So, Mamabear kicked in. I sent an email to the principal and let him know that tomorrow morning I’d be taking my son to the doctor to have the injury looked at because of the swelling. I thought that because there wasn’t any significant bruising yesterday I should notify them in writing. I also, in as nice a way as I could, mentioned that I did have concerns on what was being done to address the violent outbursts that this child was having. Clearly a suspension wasn’t working. I know they can’t tell me what they are doing, but as a mom, I want to hear that steps are being taken to ensure the safety of the other students in the school. I also want my sons injuries documented by our pediatrician in case something else happens. Maybe that sounds terrible, but it’s what I feel I need to do.

Anyway, today was better in terms of my pain level. My allergies have been bugging me, though. Toward the end of the day, my right hip and leg were sore and I had to sit down and end my day a lot sooner than I wanted to. Needless to say, my house is still a disaster. I have to bring my daughter to a two-hour vocal rehearsal tomorrow and then hopefully I can clean for a while. We don’t have major Father’s Day plans. Later in the afternoon we are going to stop by my Dad’s house, but as far as I know we aren’t doing too much around here. Possibly going on the boat for a bit. Did I mention I’m not a boat person? I’m a freakin crab tonight!

I will suck it up because it’s Father’s Day, but only after I vacuum and clean the bedrooms. At the moment I feel like I need to hook up my heating pad or go grab some ice for my back. The end of the day is always so difficult. Sometimes I just wonder if it will get easier. I do have days that I feel pretty good, but it’s rare that by this time of night that I still feel good. I’m trying not to complain, but being in chronic pain gets old. You forget what it’s like to not have the pain. To walk around without the aches and pains or stiffness.

I don’t remember what it’s like to sit for an hour and then get up from a chair and be able to do that quickly. That pretty much debilitates me. I’m just asking my readers and cyberspace friends? Does it get better? Is the medicine making it better for you? I’m off of almost everything at the moment, and I’m wondering if it’s all worth it. Let me know your thoughts.


What a Day


All right…it can stop raining any time now. I think it’s rained most of the week, and it’s  really affecting my arthritis. Yesterday in particular my hip and leg were not in good shape. Today was somewhat better physically, but emotionally I was at a bit of a low. I wish I could pin it down to one thing, but I think it’s just overall stress getting to me. I feel like I’m on the verge of tears a lot, but I just haven’t been able to cry. It’s an odd feeling mostly because I’m an emotional person. Crying for me isn’t a big deal, yet I’m struggling to release that much emotion at the moment.

Yesterday was just hard for me in a weird way. My daughter had her first rehearsal for Wizard of Oz, which was very cute. I might be singing Follow the Yellow Brick Road and Ding Dong the Witch Is Dad all summer long. I was watching the kids singing and my daughter looked thoroughly unenthusiastic, yet she couldn’t wait to go. This is where she and I have friction. I understand why she acts the way she does, but it drives me nuts. She is exactly like me, and I just don’t want her to make the same mistakes I did, but there is a fine line between that and pushing her to do something that I want her to do.

I asked her in the car if she really wanted to do the play and she said no. So I said that was fine, and I’d send them an email when we got home. I tried my best not to ask disappointed, and she asked if I was upset. I told her that it wasn’t about me, it was about her and her dreams. If this wasn’t what she wanted, then she needed to find something that she really wanted to do. I told her I wasn’t upset and would support her decision either way. (Okay I was crushed, but I didn’t want her to know that.)

She came to me about an hour after we got home with the song lyrics that she had been practicing in her room and said she really wanted to do it, but it was just that she gets so scared. I totally get it. To this day, I hate getting up in front of a group. I pray for her that it gets easier with practice. All I can tell her is the truth; that I believe in her and that I wouldn’t tell her that I thought she should get up there if I didn’t truly believe she had talent. She really is a lovely singer. Is she going to takeover Broadway, not likely. But by high school she might be ready for a lead in a school play. You never know what might happen if she stays with it.

Today’s drama was with my son. He came home all excited to show me his yearbook and tell me all about the academic breakfast that he was able to take part in this morning because he was on the honor roll. He started to tell me about something that happened at recess when I got a call from the principal. You know that isn’t a good thing. Apparently, some kid punched and kicked my son during a game at gym and had to be pulled off of him by a teacher. The boy was playing with a group of kids and he was tagged out and was unhappy about it and snapped. This is the fourth time this year that the boy has snapped (that I know about). The other three times he assaulted students with a pencil; one boy was stabbed in the throat with the pencil. His homeroom teacher could not handle the angry outbursts and the boy was moved into my son’s homeroom (YAY).

Surprisingly for me, I was really calm. I think it was because my son was calm. Also, I knew it wasn’t a personal thing. There was no bullying or mean words. This boy snaps and loses it. Is it okay? Absolutely not! And I don’t think his in school suspension for the last three days of school is going to do anything to help the situation either. The boy needs help. I’m trying to look at it that way. If a child with this much anger, who continues to hurt other children is allowed to continue this behavior it’s only going to get worse.

I’m sure at one point or another I mentioned that I grew up in Newtown, CT and I currently minutes away from Sandy Hook School. No one needs to explain to me that there is a huge need for changes in our mental health care system, but when you hear things like this, you worry about this child’s future. Obviously I would never make an accusation that he’ be another  Adam Lanza, but he’s clearly on a bad path and needs help. I pray that he gets it.

On the other hand, I need to give a bit of credit to my son, who handled this all in stride. The principal told me that he immediately wanted to go back to class, but the nurse made him sit with ice on his head for a while. I must be doing something right because in stead of coming home in a fit of anger himself, but son talked about this boy having special needs and that he understood that it really wasn’t about him. And maybe this makes me a bad mom, but I also told him that if someone hits him, his dad and I will always back him up if he defends himself. He didn’t in this case, and I understand, but I want him to know he has our support. He a pretty tremendous kid. I’m proud of him.

My super duper news is that a friend from the Chicago area knew I was having a hard time with having to use a cane now and then. I made a comment on Facebook about wanting a flamingo cane, and much to my surprise I pulled in the driveway today to a large package addresses to Brutus and I. It was a hand-painted flamingo cane (pictured above). Talk about a random act of kindness. Completely unexpected and do incredibly thoughtful. It’s very crappy at 42 to have to use a cane now and then, and even harder the first few times when plenty of people don’t really know why I’d need one.

Having one that’s a flamingo just makes it that much better. It makes me happy. Such an awesome thing to do. I know so many nice people. I am truly blessed (even when I’m moping around feeling blue). I needed a reminder today and boy did I get one.

I was going to add something about the NY Rangers game, but it’s still going on in the second overtime. I am afraid that as soon as I publish this someone will win…praying it’s my team. Go Rangers!!


Go Away Cold Rain


It’s been a few days since my last blog. Mostly I’ve just been too tired and feeling stressed. I’ve started to write a blog once or twice but it just wasn’t flowing. I just have had a lot on my mind over the past few days, yet nothing huge. It’s just a lot of little stuff all at once. I have so many end of the school year things going of with my kids, and the weather has been cold and rainy, which makes it that much harder. Today was downright dreary and damp. I haven’t limped this bad in weeks. I am in quite a bit of pain in my hip and all the way down my leg.

I don’t think it’s supposed to warm up any time soon. Maybe over the weekend, but I’m not sure. It’s June and I’m still freezing and in pain. Something is wrong with this picture!  Anyway, I’ve been a bit down because my weight loss journey has been sucking. I’m losing about a pound a week. That just plain sucks. I’m going to try and step up the exercise, but it’s depressing when I’m hearing all these other people on MediFast losing 7lbs on the first week. I lost 3lbs. I just can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. I’m eating about 1,200 calories a day and I’m still not losing weight. I’m going to try to add in more cardio, even though it’s against what my “coach” advises, I’m kind of a rebel like that and I do my own thing anyway.

If I push myself to walk or do my elliptical everyday (or everyday that I’m not feeling like I can’t walk) then maybe I’ll see better results. It just stinks to not feel good about yourself. Overall, I will admit that I do feel better now that I upped my dose of Celexa back to the 20mg. I’m not snapping at everyone. I’m sure my family is happy. Heck, my daughters broke one of my kitchen chairs and I took it all in stride and even laughed it off the other day. I think I would have flipped out two weeks ago. I just feel better on the medication…even if it’s adding to some of my weight issue.

My kids are getting out of school next week and part of me is excited not to have to get up at 6:30 in the morning, and then the other part of me is dreading hearing that they are bored, and the bickering. We have a few things planned for the summer, some camp and one vacation, but I don’t like to over-plan. I really like to relax with the kids and plan things as we go. My son starts football in August and that’s four nights per week, so July is really our time to do whatever we want. I have broken it to them yet that they have two of them have reading for summer school. They aren’t going to be thrilled with that, but it’s something they need.

I wish I could explain the other reasons why I’ve been in a pissy mood. I’ve just been a big crab. I’m starting to see how school politics interferes with children getting much needed special education services. Many of the families that I’m working with have children who more than qualify for special education services, yet they are given the run around by schools and told bullshit reasons why their kids don’t qualify. If those parents don’t ask the right questions, they would believe these “professionals” and for someone like me, who is a huge believe in the benefits of early intervention, it can be devastating to a child to miss out on services during this crucial time. I’m slowly learning that it’s often not about the child or his/her needs. It’s about money, and that makes me very frustrated and angry.

Maybe it’s me and my rose colored glasses, but I’d like to still think that the schools want to help children with special needs. They are required to under the law. But it’s often political crap. It’s more frustrating though when it’s a little child losing out in a fight between grownups. It’s hard for me to watch, and has kind of made me reconsider my own path in work toward being an parent advocate. I started my first course…and wow, I haven’t been to school in a long time! And, I have never taken classes in law, so this is all new to me, but it’s online so I can watch the seminars over and over and do the papers when I have time. Slowly but surely, I might have a chance to get it.

There are so many kids that need help and so many parents that don’t know where to begin. I’ll be the advocate that is not making any money though, because I will be helping all the people that can’t afford an advocate in the first place. I’ll try and find one or two paying clients a month 🙂

Ok, well that’s it for my crabbing. I’m going to turn on my eating pad and go to bed.


That’s Right…I’m a Dance Mom


My daughter’s had their big dance recital this weekend. Because of a conflict with the town’s eighth grade dinner dance, the usual Friday and Saturday shows were nixed in favor on two shows on Saturday to accommodate all the eighth grade dancers that wanted to attend both the recital and the school dance. Believe me, I can understand that, but it sure made for a long day!

We got to the school where the recital was taking place around 10AM because I was volunteering backstage for the first show. I’m such a team player. I like that stuff and my older daughter is very shy. It helps her to get settled if I’m there. They had a very nice set up for the girls with a large screen tv to watch the show while they weren’t performing. This made my life as a backstage mom much easier. No one was bored.

This is our first year at this dance studio so it was a new experience for us and I was surprised to learn that parents were allowed to go into the audience to watch their child’s performance even if they were volunteering. The owner feels strongly that everyone should see their child perform. Perhaps she should send that memo to the other studio in town. That would never happen over there.

Anyway, my girls did awesome. I was so proud of both of them. My little one was so darn adorable up there. You could tell she just loved every moment of being in that flowy dress and twirling around. My older daughter really has grown as a dancer this year. It was a very proud mom day for sure.

It was also a tough mom day in that I was on my feet from about 10AM to 7PM with a break from 3-5pm. It was a lot on my feet and legs. When I got home last night my head was pounding and everything hurt. I attempted to start a blog, but I ended up putting ice over my eyes and turning out the lights. It was clear I did too much yesterday, but it was one of those days where, what choice did I have? As a mom, you just need to do it some days!

The begs the question, as a mom what do you do? What do you do when you know you’re pushing it way too far and it’s going to cause a flare or a migraine or major pain later? For me, if it’s something involving my kids, I usually push through and do it if at all possible. They are only going to be young once.

Remarkably I felt pretty good today. Then I had to trek about a quarter of a mile or more carrying a shit load of flyers and handouts for the nonprofit organization that I work for. I was volunteering at a Special Olympics event, which was so much fun. I got to meet so many great people and some of the athletes, but I didn’t give one shred of thought to how far I’d need to cart all the crap. Suffice it to say, I got my workout and then some today. My right arm is really sore tonight.

I’m actually looking forward to Monday tomorrow. It’s one of the last school days left and I can go back to sleep after I put the kids on the bus. I live for those days. I’m just not a morning person at all. I do have a goal for tomorrow of cleaning out my daughters’ room, though. It’s a pig sty. I need to get rid of crap before school gets out, so the goal is to take care of their room tomorrow and my son’s room on Tuesday, but his room isn’t nearly as bad.

We’ll see how motivated I am tomorrow…




Go Away Exhaustion


I don’t have time to be this exhausted. I taught my class (not nearly as hard as Tuesday) and went out for a quick breakfast with a friend that was diagnosed with cancer. I had no time to be exhausted, as I really wanted to focus on her. I wouldn’t say we are super close, but she is the type of person that you meet and love right away. She’s funny and kind, and she likes the same trashy reality television as I do.

She has had a crazy year, first with a blood clot in her leg and now with cancer in her bone marrow. The levels are very low and at this time they are watching er very closely with blood work every few weeks. Should something drastically change she’ll either need to do oral chemo or regular. Either way, suffice it to say, she’s got a lot on her plate. She is choosing not to dwell on waiting for that moment to happen because it could be next week or it could be ten years from now. They have no idea.

It was really inspiring to talk to her and see the way she was handling her situation, and it certainly made me put my own things in perspective. The other thing I left that breakfast thinking was that I am so lucky to have so many people in my life that crack me up on a daily basis. Laughter really does help with everything.

So with that perspective I went forward with my aches and pains and took them in stride. The exhaustion was another story though, as I came home and could hardly stay awake. I took a nap for about an hour and a half…really could have slept longer, but I had to pick up my older daughter early from school because of a dress rehearsal for dance.

I talked with my friends today about the situation with my son on the bus, and they spoke to their son. I’m just feeling a lot better about it. I got so stressed because of everything that’s gone on with my son lately and all the bullying, but these people are great parents, and I know their son is a good kid. It was good to get the other side of the story and I feel much better knowing that they talked to him and he understands a little better that my son is just struggling to fit in, something his parents said he struggled with last year.

My girls had their rehearsal and it was adorable. I love watching them perform. I think my younger daughter is so in lover with her costume, that she was just so happy to twirl around. She little class was kind of all over the place, but it was so darn cute. My older daughter has grown a lot as a dancer this past year. I’m really excited to see the show on Saturday. It will be fun.

In terms of my autoimmune issues, the only things I’m really struggling with is the exhaustion. I’m just so darn tired. It’s not that I haven’t been sleeping. I’ve fallen asleep around midnight every night or earlier, which for me is not bad at all. Taking the melatonin early has been helping me. Tonight I forgot so I took a half of an Ambien. I’ll end this blog soon before it kicks in and I start rambling or open another browser page and start shopping.

I hope everyone is doing well and having a pain-free evening.


Previous Older Entries