Losing My Voice and Possibly My Mind


I don’t think I’m getting sick. I mean I don’t feel like I’m sick. I feel like I’m getting an RA or fibro flare. I can’t really tell the difference with the exception the I think my RA flare tend to affect my hips and hands more and my fibro flares I feel more through my shoulders and muscles. Either way I start to feel rundown and achy. I’m not sure with the scratchy voice comes into the mix. i don’t have a sore throat so it could just be allergies, but I’m sounding a bit like Bonnie Tyler (and all the early twenty-somethings are asking who??).

I got to sleep in today, which was nice. I went out with some friends last night to play Bunco and had a few drinks for the first time in almost a year. I am not a drinker, mostly because I don’t like the taste of alcohol, but also because wine gives me migraines. The friend hosting Bunco made this fruity concoction with Limoncello and something else with strawberries and raspberries and it tasted like fruity lemonade. After three glasses I was very thankful I wasn’t driving, even if it was less than a mile down the road.

I truly needed the night out after this long week. I am finding myself so angry at people, and now I’m at a point where I’m questioning if lowering my Celexa was the right decision. I’m not going to say I haven’t had a lot on my plate. If you’ve been reading this blog you know I had a whole lot to deal with my son’s IEP and his school, and now there’s some bullying issues, which turned a whole lot worse when I heard a few things that have been happening on the bus, and trying to make ends meet is a constant struggle. Like every other parent in the world, I’m crazy running around from one activity to another, trying to squeeze in homework, dinner, haircuts, projects, etc. There are only so many hours in a day, and as much as I hate to admit it I’m not Super Mom. Add to that the fact that I’m a mom with an autoimmune disease that doesn’t know how she’s going to feel from one day to the next and go ahead and try and plan a week.

It’s not easy. But we do it! We make the best of it. I know I’m not the only one. I’ve heard from many of you through this blog, and honestly, that keeps me going. It helps more than you know to hear that other people are doing this, too. Of course, I’m not thrilled to hear others are struggling, but you get the idea.

About a month ago, my doctor lowered my Celexa in an effort to see if that was causing some of the weight gain. I’m only on 10mg, and I believe the average dose is 40mg. I was only on 40mg for about 6 months, then I went back to 20mg. I’m not sure it had anything at all to do with my weight, but I do see myself snapping a lot more now that it’s lowered. I think I handled stress and anxiety better at the 20mg. It’s something I need to think about and call my doctor about this week as I need a refill. I think a lot will depend on the scale on Tuesday. Of course, I’m sure the snacking and three drinks blew the diet again last night, but I was very good again today.

I am hopeful that tomorrow and Monday I can get out for a walk. Today brought back those painful pins and needles in my feet. It’s been a little while since I have had them. I was sitting at my son’s baseball game, which they bombed by the way, and my daughter wanted to run to the car to get a water and I couldn’t even go with her. I don’t think I can ever get used to that feeling. It’s like sharp little needles jabbing into the bottom of my feet. Not fun!

The rest of the day was just status quo. No real excitement other than grocery shopping and spending some time with my girls. Tomorrow is my son’s first playoff game so if you could send a few positive vibes his way for a spectacular hit, that would be awesome. The team is having a two game slump, and they need to make a comeback. I’m worried about tomorrow. Then again, when don’t I worry!


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. elvafrompa
    Jun 01, 2014 @ 04:50:17

    I haven’t read all your posts regarding autoimmune diseases. I don’t know how tp put, but I fear for you. I had symptoms as a child of juvenile r.a. However, back then it wasn’t recognized. I am 48.

    My pivotal point was when I was 26. All those years I showed symptoms but it was always like ‘symptoms of what?’. I worked for 22 years. I loved my job. But one day when I tried to get out of my chair something happened in my back I could not move.

    The next 20 years I was misdiagnosed with everything. Spent every last dime on insurances, copays and what insurances wouldn’t pain for medicines, doctor visits, hospital bills, specialist you get the point

    At 46, I gave up walking. I walked like a person was sitting on a horse for years. It was mechanical and clicking sounds like the one on lounge chairs in the 70s.

    Fought social security twice. First tim I would of had 5 out of the ten years second time no. That law should change to having so many working years total.

    One doctor said I was faking it.

    By the time my left hip was replaced 7/13, I lost 3.5 inches off my left femur. My ortho has been replacing hip for 30 years and said it was the worst he even has seen including the elderly.

    Years ago they tried physical therapy, it was so painful I had to stop. My specialist today tells me I shouldn’t do physical therapy. I am losing cartlidge at a rapid rate.

    I was in your position. I cried a lot because onl my direct family believes me.

    It has taken over my life. I can not plan for anything. Some days I sleep all day.

    Yes, I gained weight. I am on something different. But sometimes I don’t think about eating for days. It’s a cycle. It’s not due to medicines .

    I fear what they will really find before it’s too latd.

    God bless you, tears of sadnes I would never wish this disease on anyone. 😥


  2. elvafrompa
    Jun 01, 2014 @ 05:06:16

    My r.a. flares stopped long ago. It’s r.a. 100% of the time. I was misdiagnosed with fibroo and lyme disease. The U.S. has got to do more research on autoimmune diseases they have been around for a long time. I am 48, deformed and having giving up ever walking or walking with a cane for any length of time

    Do you or did you live by a mine? First question my specialist asked me. Hope you have a better tomorrow. Yea I can’t sleep either.


  3. Julie Ryan
    Jun 01, 2014 @ 19:30:06

    I don’t think I’m getting sick… but I’m not really sure… Yeah I’m familiar with that. I’m still not sure if I had a stomach bug last week or just an IBS flare. The only reason I even questioned was because my hubby had had a stomach bug the week before, and the pain and bloating I had was so much worse than normal. He asked “do your arms and legs hurt? Because mine hurt when I had that stomach bug…” I just kinda looked at him, he didn’t get it so I had to finally say “Um, I always hurt.”


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