What a Day


All right…it can stop raining any time now. I think it’s rained most of the week, and it’s  really affecting my arthritis. Yesterday in particular my hip and leg were not in good shape. Today was somewhat better physically, but emotionally I was at a bit of a low. I wish I could pin it down to one thing, but I think it’s just overall stress getting to me. I feel like I’m on the verge of tears a lot, but I just haven’t been able to cry. It’s an odd feeling mostly because I’m an emotional person. Crying for me isn’t a big deal, yet I’m struggling to release that much emotion at the moment.

Yesterday was just hard for me in a weird way. My daughter had her first rehearsal for Wizard of Oz, which was very cute. I might be singing Follow the Yellow Brick Road and Ding Dong the Witch Is Dad all summer long. I was watching the kids singing and my daughter looked thoroughly unenthusiastic, yet she couldn’t wait to go. This is where she and I have friction. I understand why she acts the way she does, but it drives me nuts. She is exactly like me, and I just don’t want her to make the same mistakes I did, but there is a fine line between that and pushing her to do something that I want her to do.

I asked her in the car if she really wanted to do the play and she said no. So I said that was fine, and I’d send them an email when we got home. I tried my best not to ask disappointed, and she asked if I was upset. I told her that it wasn’t about me, it was about her and her dreams. If this wasn’t what she wanted, then she needed to find something that she really wanted to do. I told her I wasn’t upset and would support her decision either way. (Okay I was crushed, but I didn’t want her to know that.)

She came to me about an hour after we got home with the song lyrics that she had been practicing in her room and said she really wanted to do it, but it was just that she gets so scared. I totally get it. To this day, I hate getting up in front of a group. I pray for her that it gets easier with practice. All I can tell her is the truth; that I believe in her and that I wouldn’t tell her that I thought she should get up there if I didn’t truly believe she had talent. She really is a lovely singer. Is she going to takeover Broadway, not likely. But by high school she might be ready for a lead in a school play. You never know what might happen if she stays with it.

Today’s drama was with my son. He came home all excited to show me his yearbook and tell me all about the academic breakfast that he was able to take part in this morning because he was on the honor roll. He started to tell me about something that happened at recess when I got a call from the principal. You know that isn’t a good thing. Apparently, some kid punched and kicked my son during a game at gym and had to be pulled off of him by a teacher. The boy was playing with a group of kids and he was tagged out and was unhappy about it and snapped. This is the fourth time this year that the boy has snapped (that I know about). The other three times he assaulted students with a pencil; one boy was stabbed in the throat with the pencil. His homeroom teacher could not handle the angry outbursts and the boy was moved into my son’s homeroom (YAY).

Surprisingly for me, I was really calm. I think it was because my son was calm. Also, I knew it wasn’t a personal thing. There was no bullying or mean words. This boy snaps and loses it. Is it okay? Absolutely not! And I don’t think his in school suspension for the last three days of school is going to do anything to help the situation either. The boy needs help. I’m trying to look at it that way. If a child with this much anger, who continues to hurt other children is allowed to continue this behavior it’s only going to get worse.

I’m sure at one point or another I mentioned that I grew up in Newtown, CT and I currently minutes away from Sandy Hook School. No one needs to explain to me that there is a huge need for changes in our mental health care system, but when you hear things like this, you worry about this child’s future. Obviously I would never make an accusation that he’ be another  Adam Lanza, but he’s clearly on a bad path and needs help. I pray that he gets it.

On the other hand, I need to give a bit of credit to my son, who handled this all in stride. The principal told me that he immediately wanted to go back to class, but the nurse made him sit with ice on his head for a while. I must be doing something right because in stead of coming home in a fit of anger himself, but son talked about this boy having special needs and that he understood that it really wasn’t about him. And maybe this makes me a bad mom, but I also told him that if someone hits him, his dad and I will always back him up if he defends himself. He didn’t in this case, and I understand, but I want him to know he has our support. He a pretty tremendous kid. I’m proud of him.

My super duper news is that a friend from the Chicago area knew I was having a hard time with having to use a cane now and then. I made a comment on Facebook about wanting a flamingo cane, and much to my surprise I pulled in the driveway today to a large package addresses to Brutus and I. It was a hand-painted flamingo cane (pictured above). Talk about a random act of kindness. Completely unexpected and do incredibly thoughtful. It’s very crappy at 42 to have to use a cane now and then, and even harder the first few times when plenty of people don’t really know why I’d need one.

Having one that’s a flamingo just makes it that much better. It makes me happy. Such an awesome thing to do. I know so many nice people. I am truly blessed (even when I’m moping around feeling blue). I needed a reminder today and boy did I get one.

I was going to add something about the NY Rangers game, but it’s still going on in the second overtime. I am afraid that as soon as I publish this someone will win…praying it’s my team. Go Rangers!!



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Rebekah Miller
    Jun 15, 2014 @ 03:04:30

    Your son sounds like such an awesome young man. There’s a difference between defending yourself and realizing that a person is having a behavioral/mental illness problem. I’m glad he recognizes that difference.

    10yrs from now, I can see myself using a cane too. O Arthritis, How I hate thee. I almost had to use a cane during a flare which caused severe back problems and leg numbness. I lost my balance and fell into a group of people I didn’t know in the break room at work. That was more embarrassing than using a cane.


    • autoimmunemamabear
      Jun 15, 2014 @ 17:08:10

      I was pretty proud at how he handled the situation, because usually he’s my dramatic child. As for the cane, right now it’s the rare occasion when I need it, but the first time out in public with it was definitely tough. The questions, etc…I just didn’t want to deal with that part of it and explaining it over and over. It was worse in my head than it was in reality, and like you said, it would be far worse to fall in front of a group of people than to use the cane. My advice: go for a crazy cane and have a little fun with it. Thanks for your comment!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: