Stand Back…I’m Annoyed


I could start with the autoimmune overview, but today I’m going to start with friend/family drama that’s on my mind. I actually started this post last night, but my Ambien got the better of me, and I ended somewhere in the middle. With a little revision and a necessary ending, I used it as today’s post. I might have mentioned my friend, I’m not even sure, but for anonymity we’ll call her Lilly. Lilly was in a bad place dating a loser and wanting to move her kids to Florida with him. Her mom put a stop to that and had her move with her in order to get her finances in order to save for a home for her two small children. Makes sense, right? I thought so.

She’s been there several months and her mom made her find a home for her cats. Here’s where I came into the picture. I couldn’t rake on three more cats, but I asked my cousin to take them in, and she agreed to take them for the six month period. So all was going along swimmingly, until Lilly met another loser online. Allow me to list the red flags:

  1. Father of 9 children by three different mothers
  2. He has three separate Facebook aliases with slightly different names
  3. His main account lists him as married
  4. He’s still living with his ex
  5. He has done jail time for dealing drugs
  6. He is currently unemployed, but does work for cash doing “odd and ends”–(I’ve chalked that up to selling drugs, but perhaps I’m judgmental)

I could go on with a few more, but you get the idea, and most people would run after #1 and #5. Nope! Not her! She’s in love. He won’t meet her friends and hasn’t met her family, but at a party over the weekend at my cousin’s house, she told someone there that he deals drugs and that she was moving him in with her and the kids when she gets an apartment. Now ordinarily, I don’t get in people’s business. I tried to talk to this girl with the last loser, and I know her well enough to understand that she won’t listen, but what made me talk to her last night was that there are kids involved.

She’s not thinking about what if this guy is selling drugs (she says he’d never do that again and risk more jail time) and she gets arrested with him for it happening under her roof? What if someone gets some bad drugs and comes to her house with a gun? What if someone doesn’t have money and wants drugs bad enough to rob them? The possibilities are endless and I’m a worrier.  So, I tried to talk to her. It didn’t go well. Actually, it went a bit worse than I thought.

I knew she wasn’t going to change her mind on the guy, but I was hoping to get her to think about her kids and the dangerous situations she would be putting them in. Instead, she jumped into another online conversation with my cousin berating her for telling me anything about the boyfriend that she had learned over the weekend. So now, my cousin feels “betrayed” by me, and I really just reached a point with Lilly where I had enough. I ended the conversation saying I don’t need the drama, and I don’t want to hear another word about the boyfriend–good or bad. I’m also not going to be around to pick up the pieces this time (okay, I said that, but who am I kidding, I rarely ever turn my back on someone in need or distress). I uninvited her son over because she cause the rift with my cousin and plainly said I was done. I told her to stop giving my cousin fake deadlines on getting her damn cats out of there, and keep her word because I was tired of explaining for her and then I just stopped responding.

In 25 years, I have never been so angry at her. I wouldn’t call her a close friend or a best friend. I care about her and only wish her well, but like everything else in my life, I need to eliminate stress. I can’t save the world, and I can’t help someone who isn’t helping herself. She needs therapy, and I said that in the kindest way possible. I told her that I thought I had more respect for her than she did for herself, and that was a problem. Her biggest fear at 42 years old was that I was going to call her mother and tell her all the things I know about the boyfriend. Am I? Nope. Will I if the children are in jeopardy? Of course.

After doing some sleuthing, I think he’s still married to his supposed ex, and therefore I don’t see him moving in with Lilly. I think she’s a booty call for some hot sex at a hotel, and nothing more. It makes me sad, but it’s not my life.

My life involves a hip that just doesn’t want to move. I don’t know whether it’s these storms we’ve been having or what, but since last week, I’ve been having trouble walking and I’ve been in a lot of pain off and on. Tonight is the first night I haven’t needed some kind of pain medicine in quite a few nights, and that’s rare for me. When my hip gets this locked up, it throws off my whole lower back and makes it difficult to get up and out of a chair or the sitting position and start walking. Needless to say, I’m walking like a 90-year-old woman after sitting for a long period of time because I’m so stiff.

It’s making me very  nervous about my trip to Disney next week. I’m not sure how I’m going to do. Say a prayer that I can keep up with my family.



6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. tlohuis
    Jul 08, 2014 @ 06:03:02

    Prayer sent. I hope you have a nice trip. 🙂


  2. Lisa Z
    Jul 08, 2014 @ 12:58:35

    Hey there! Sometimes being a friend means saying the tough love stuff they don’t want to hear, and letting go. You can’t rescue, sadly.
    When we went to Disney last year, my mom rented a scooter for me. I felt a bit silly (and too young!) but it was a lifesaver. It allowed me to get around the parks without over-tiring, and keep up with my family. We also got a disabled pass or whatever they call it from guest services, which helped for rides where the scooter couldn’t fit through the lines. Think about renting one! Have fun!


    • autoimmunemamabear
      Jul 09, 2014 @ 05:31:22

      Thanks, I’m going to rent one if needed. I’m going to see how I do. Obviously, knowing me, I will push it too far and need it by the second day, so I’m trying to make peace with it now…and I figure the kids will all be taking turns riding with me, LOL!


  3. thenarcissistwrites
    Jul 08, 2014 @ 15:36:02

    Is your friend like seriously deformed or something that she can only get a loser that horrible??? Come on… Tell her to make a profile on a dating site or something! She’ll get over him right quick when she sees the opportunities out there…


    • autoimmunemamabear
      Jul 08, 2014 @ 19:02:14

      She’s actually not bad looking at all, but she’d be a lot prettier if she took 5 minutes to care about what she looked like. She met the guy on a free online dating site. I am not sure which one she used, but I’d say to find a different one!


  4. fefe23
    Jul 08, 2014 @ 23:31:44

    My mom used to date jail birds and of course I didn’t like it. Thankfully she learned her lesson


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