Blogging from Work…with People

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Here I am at work! It’s my first official day at the pediatric office. I don’t work for the office. I still work for the non-profit organization, and I can tell some of the doctors are still a little confused as to what I do. The last one who came in had the most background in special education. She promised to keep me busy with a lot of clients and seemed really happy to have me on board.

It’s a huge deal for me to be here. The fact that I have nothing to do kind of sucks, but apparently they thought I was starting next week, and it’s also going to take a little time to build up some referrals. Everyone has been really nice, so I guess I can call this a success. I made it through the door. I didn’t need a Xanax, and I’ve been pleasant to everyone.

My cold/strep/sinus thing seems a bit better today. Today is day 3 on the antibiotics. I’m still coughing, but I don’t feel like I got hit by a truck anymore, so that’s a definite plus.

I’m gearing up for a long few nights of Wizard of Oz. We have two nights of dress rehearsals, and then opening night is Friday. We are going to watch the play Friday, and I’m volunteering backstage on a few of the other nights. My plan is to go home and nap after my few hours here, and then hopefully be in good shape to volunteer tonight.

My daughter doesn’t seem overly thrilled about it. She was placed on the second tier of the stage and secretly I was happy because she is tiny and I couldn’t see her at all, but she’s kind of bummed because she doesn’t get to do as much bopping around. I am just happy she’s doing it!

My rheumatoid arthritis seems to have calmed down quite a bit. My legs aren’t as sore, and my feet aren’t swollen anymore. My fingers still look a little bit swollen, but I’m not in as much pain overall. I still feel achy, but the intense joint pain has subsided. I guess I have a new plan of action should I ever go to Disney again. I need a scooter every other day. I think that would really cut out all the fatigue and swelling.

My new fear is that I’m hitting menopause. It’s been really hot out and I keep getting sweaty…of course this subsides if I turn the air conditioning on, but I won’t pay attention to that kind of reasoning. The weight gain, the “hot flashes,”—it could be!

I have two big appointments coming up. One with my gynecologist and one with my rheumatologist. I’ll be honest and say I’m pretty nervous about seeing my gyno this time. My mom died of ovarian cancer at 43. I’m 42 and I’m bloated and I can’t lose weight. I just want to hear that I’m okay, and then I want to discuss elective ovarian removal. I’m not sure I can afford it, or if somehow, we can make it medically necessary since I’m so prone to cysts, but I live in constant fear that  I’m going to get this type of cancer and die. I just want to get rid of those parts.

The next appointment with the rheumatologist is really to discuss what’s not working. I still get the neuropathy symptoms and I intend to discuss going on gabapentin with my doctor. I also want to discuss something other than Flexeril because I just don’t feel like that is doing anything at all.

Perhaps I’ll spend a little time looking up different muscle relaxers since apparently I have some time to kill. Don’t get me wrong. I can already tell (even though I’m sitting here writing a blog) that this is going to be a great opportunity. The doctors are excited and seem to already have families in mind that they can refer to me. I think my first few weeks will be boring. As the office manager said, everyone is cramming in check-ups for sports and back-to-school. They aren’t thinking about their educational services or developmental delays for the most part over the summer.

I tend to agree, but instead of using that as an excuse not to come, I need to keep showing up and letting them all get to know me. I just need to bring things to do. Next week I’ll work on the newsletter or something. I’ll figure it out.

Since I’m bored and I have time, I might as well let you in on what’s been going on with my “friend” who deleted me from Facebook–the one who told me this blog was a terrible idea. While I was on vacation he sent me a very nice email, to the effect of, I know we’re in a bad place, but I want you to know that I give you a lot of credit for the man I am today and thank you for helping my children and me through some very tough times.

While this caught me off-guard, there were signs that he was trying to be friendly. He had sent a text or two and he unblocked my cat from Facebook (yes, my cat has his own Facebook page and yours should, too!). I don’t know if he unblocked me, because I made the decision to block him to take the control away from him because he has friended and unfriended and blocked and unblocked me more times than I can count.

I responded to his email thanking him for his kind words, and assuring him that he and his kids would always have a special place in my heart and that I was so happy for them that they finally had their own home (he just bought a house). The next night, he texted me a total a 20 times wanting to talk and just chatting. I wasn’t sure how to handle that. I haven’t been rude to him, but I haven’t wanted to engage as friends either.

He told me about dating someone and it didn’t work out and that he doesn’t want to date any more..ding ding ding. He needs a friend. It’s tough because I choose to see a lot of good in him, but he continues to do and say things (I may have him blocked on FB, but I still hear when he say awful things) that I just wouldn’t want a friend to say Or maybe I said that wrong…I wouldn’t hand out with someone as callous. He is critical and cruel to other people, and I just don’t need it.

The other day he said to a friend of mine that she talks about her illness all the time and that just hit home with me. First of all, I think my friend has been very private about the details of what she’s going through. If he does know the details, she certainly hasn’t discussed it over and over with him, and that’s just what he’d do with me. It just reaffirmed why we aren’t friends.

He thought this blog would be a source of negativity for me, and it’s been anything but. Sure, I can freely vent, but I’ve also connected with and reached so many people struggling with invisible illnesses. It’s been a good thing.

Anyway, I’m explaining all that because for a moment it was nice to catch up with him, and that moment faded quickly. He actually told me he was upset that I blocked him. Um…hello! He said “two wrongs don’t make a right.” That might be true, but taking that control away from him was the right thing for me to do.

Ok, that’s long enough for one blog. Enjoy your day and I’m sorry about any typos. I don’t like this keyboard.

 

 

 

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Julie Ryan
    Jul 24, 2014 @ 12:30:21

    Don’t discuss the ovary removal as “elective”. Never call it that (for risk that it goes in your records that way). Just talk about your concerns and if nothing comes up on scans talk to the doctor about doing an exploratory laproscopy for endometriosis (you may also be dealing with that). Once they are in there (and you’ve talked to your doctor about all of your concerns including the risk of returning cysts / cancer / etc), tell the doctor that if they can find any reason to go ahead and remove your ovaries while they are in there looking around to just do it. That way it’s not “elective” but necessary (per the doctor).

    Reply

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