Warning: This Blog Contains TMI

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You have been warned. You might want to turn back not, especially if you don’t do TMI well. Let me be honest, I don’t share TMI well, so this isn’t easy for me either. I feel beyond horrid today. While my throat is no longer sore and I’m not stuffy, I can’t shake the annoying cough. I can handle that for the most part, except for the occasional coughing fits that sound like I’m going to hack up a lung.

The TMI part comes in after I provide a little background info. As I have mentioned in several blogs, I lost my mom to ovarian cancer when I was 14-years-old. Because of this, my gynecologist has me on birth control pills to suppress ovarian function as a preventative for ovarian cancer. I’ve been on the pill since my youngest daughter was about 6 months old, so for argument’s sake, let’s say 7 years. It’s a low dose pill, and the first one that is so low that it doesn’t make me nauseous.

A few years ago after having a spell of horrific migraines, I was switched to being on the pill for three months at a time, and then one week off to cut down on that hormonal migraine week where I get the terrible migraines. All this has been fine. No problems at all. With the pill I’m on, I hardly even get a period (here comes the TMI). But as I mentioned in a previous blog, I’ve been feeling bloated and like something was wrong.

I was having sporadic sharp pain on one side, but it was not enough to worry about–just here and there. I actually have a high tolerance of pain (or so I’ve been told) so it’s not like I’ve been doubled over in pain or anything, more like a sharp cramp and then it’s done. Out of nowhere today I got a very heavy period. I can’t remember the last time I had one like this but it was after I had a large cyst and it burst. So, in some ways, I’m actually feeling a tiny bit better. Okay, I’m in pain, and I physically feel like shit, but mentally I’m thinking it was likely a large cyst again; it burst, and I’m going to be okay.

Of course, I will have to confirm this first at my gyno appointment on August 5th and then at a subsequent ultrasound that I will schedule right after the appointment. It may sound silly, but I feel like it’s a positive thing that I feel like crap. There’s me…looking for a silver lining!

I was asked to do a guest blog on a rheumatoid arthritis site. I will post the link when it appears. I’m actually really excited about it. They are looking for some personal stories and they approached me because of the blog. I love any site that brings awareness to RA and the people who are living with it. I have learned so much from the people I’ve connected with through this blog and look forward to continuing that and heck, if I can connect with more of there, that’s great too.

I think we all bring something to the table, whether it’s a simple trick we’ve learned to help get through when your hands are swollen, or an uplifting story about accomplishing a goal with RA. Boy, after my trip to Disney last week, I’m anyone’s cheerleader. It really reaffirmed to me how difficult it is to live with an autoimmune disease like RA, and let’s just throw in my fibromyalgia for a little more fun. My mind wants to keep up with my family and do everything, but my body can’t. That was a really tough lesson, and I had to learn it myself. As much is it sucked getting sick or almost crying standing in line on the third day in the parks, I had to try.

Now I know what is best for me and how to space myself out. It’s not ideal and it likely never will be again, and yes that really sucks. I know, though, that it can always be worse. Okay, I probably won’t be the mom running the marathon or who can stand on line for 6 hours to wait for tickets for a concert. I am the mom that will be waiting inside with hot cocoa or will always be there to talk or listen. Again, not perfect, but I have to find acceptance. My trip helped me a bit with that.

As I stood in Hollywood Studios leaning on my son in the Star Tours line and he knew I was not okay, that made it far worse than needing that darn scooter. My son came home with questions like, “Are you going to have RA forever?,” “Is there any chance that you could get better?” and things like that. I’d rather just not have him see me at my worst. It’s okay that they understand Mommy needs to rest a lot and Mommy is in pain sometimes, but Mommy didn’t need to push herself that hard. I don’t need to let my RA control me…I just need to be a better scooter driver and control my own RA!

Tonight’s picture is a cast picture of all the Munchkins in the Wizard of Oz, including my daughter. Opening night is tomorrow night. I’m so excited!!

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. seemorrigan
    Jul 25, 2014 @ 14:06:19

    This is not TMI. One of the perks of writing a blog is being able to share these intimate details in relative anonymity. I think it’s vitally important that we not be afraid to be as open as possible about these sorts of things. It helps us cope with them, and it helps other people who have to cope with similar issues when they read about it. Oftentimes, just discovering that someone else has felt the same way you have for the same reason is helpful in and of itself. Keep that TMI coming! 🙂

    Reply

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