I’m Dreadful Today

4369149503_845e22b820_mThat’s right…I said dreadful! Doesn’t that sound dramatic? Well, I feel dramatic. Today sucked. My kids were not on their best behavior at times. Have you ever just had a day where you feel like wherever you go you’re just being snubbed? I was totally snubbed this evening and I shouldn’t care. I know I shouldn’t care what people think of me, but I used to be friendly with some of these women so it caught me off guard.

My son’s football team is practicing at the town high school so there are a lot of people, myself included, who use the hours of practice time to walk the track. Tonight I only had an hour before I had to leave for Wizard of Oz (I’ll get to that hell in a moment) but I wanted to get in a quick walk. I was walking with my daughter and she decided she was going to sit and watch practice, which was fine with me because she was cranky as hell. In the process of saying goodbye to her and telling her to be good a few friends came onto the track and wished me a happy anniversary.

At the same time, another girl who was walking approached and everyone said hello. We all started walking and it became clear that I was not included in their walk. It was the oddest thing. Truthfully, I’m a loner and I like to listen to my music so I’m not sure why it’s bothering me so much, but I think maybe it was the way it was done. The four of us were walking in a line and then they just started walking faster, so I slowed down to make life easier.

I have felt a bit of a cold shoulder from the one I’ll refer to as the “main” girl since football began and I’m not sure why. She’s always been nice to me and she’s very funny. I have nothing but nice things to say about her, but I get the feeling that’s not mutual. So now I’m sitting here like a high school kid wondering why people hate me. I’m 42…someone tell me to grow up! But do we ever really stop letting stupid things like this hurt our feelings? I mean, to a point I stopped caring what people think of me a long time ago. I don’t seek out people’s approval. I stopped trying to get my in-laws to like me years ago.

So now I’m bothered about why this is bothering me! This girl is not a close friend so it’s not that. I think it’s that I don’t know what I did. I’ve made the decision, though, to write this blog about it and then let it go because I don’t have time to worry about it. I think it just sucks to be ostracized.

I went from that fun to The Wizard of Oz and it was not fun tonight. I’m starting to really not like about 6 of the kids. Actually it’s 3, but 6 were bad tonight. They were awful! They wouldn’t be quiet backstage. A few of them jumped on stage before their scene, while others were busy playing with the set or each other’s hats during the performance. There is this one girl that was holding a large lollipop that’s used in the Lollipop Guild part of the Munchkin scene and she was waving it in front of this guy’s face. I told her about 7 times to knock it off, and I took it away from her twice. She kept going back and getting a different one. I actually asked her if she thought I was stupid tonight. Let’s just say my patience was not at an all-time high this evening.

I just took a half an Ambien because I knew I’d have no chance of getting any sleep. I don’t like my husband. I hardly got a phone call, let alone flowers for our anniversary. Oh but supposedly he told my son to have me call when I got home from Wizard of Oz. I sent him a text thanking him for acknowledging the day…passive aggressive and unkind…okay, yes. But dammit, I’ve been through a lot of hell during these 15 years. We’re not really gift people. I don’t need anything. I’m not a jewelry person, but I thought since he was away he’d at least send flowers, but no. Would you like to know who showed up with flowers? My mother-in-law! She said, “Since Joe isn’t here to get you flowers, I wanted to come by with some.” I’m telling you she’s really been shocking me lately. Even 4 years ago that never would have happened. When I was going through infertility treatments and all my miscarriages, I remember at one point my husband asked her to reach out to me because I don’t have my own mom here to help me through it. My mother-in-law called me once to talk, and I think she tried to listen but kept relating things to when she worked at a gynecologist’s office 30 years earlier. It wasn’t an easy conversation because she doesn’t listen well, but it meant something to me that she reached out (even if she was asked to). I thought maybe that’s the beginning of her being there for me. She never called again to talk and they really just never asked about it.

Now I know having gone through several miscarriages that people don’t know whether to bring it up or not. They worry to ask about it and don’t want to further upset you. I get it, and there are days that there is no right answer, but I think as long as you show that you care and you are there and interested, that’s all anyone could want.

I did take my kids out to lunch today. They wanted to go to Olive Garden. We did have a nice lunch, with the exception of my youngest, who wasn’t thrilled with her mac & cheese, but she seemed off today. She was pretty cranky. She even turned down dessert. The other two enjoyed their meals and we talked about my wedding and family. I try and talk to them a lot about my mother and how much she’d have loved them. They like to hear stories from when I was growing up. Despite some bickering in the car, we really did have a nice lunch. There is nothing more important that has come out of my marriage than my children. They are so different. They all have their our quirks and needs, and abilities, but I couldn’t be more proud of them. None of them have an easy road ahead. I have two with reading issues, two with social issues, and one that’s very shy (yes some have more than one issue). But they have me, and I don’t intend to let them down. My job is to build them up (realistically) because there are enough people in life that are ready to tear you down.

On to my RA. Really all I’ve been doing other than my class is walking and my hip flexor muscles (the ones along the front of the hips) are really sore. The good news is that I just started so hopefully they’ll get better. Also, I just bought heat for the pool so once it is warm enough, I’ll be able to exercise in that more. It’s just been too cold here. It doesn’t even feel like summer. I was out tonight in a sweatshirt and I was freezing. It’s August 7th! It should not be this cold already. Where the heck is our heat wave? I’m still waiting!!

Anyway, this blog is getting long again so I should probably end it before my Ambien kicks in and I start shopping. I didn’t get anything for my anniversary and that would tend to mean I’d buy something for the cats. They’d benefit from my loss. Tomorrow is another day.

I hope your day was better than mine!



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