Another Day with No Answers


I’m not going to lie. I’m pretty disappointed that I didn’t hear from my doctor today. The lab technician who drew my blood said all the lab results would be back by Friday, so I wait until about 1pm and called the office. I was directed to the nurse to get the results and I left her a message and didn’t hear anything back. I could take that in a couple of ways. #1. The results didn’t come back yet (unlikely) #2. The doctor didn’t have time to actually go over the results #3. The results we abnormal and the doctor wants to speak to me himself; in other words the call would be more than a nurse telling me everything looks good.

So which one am I going with? Of course it’s #3. I want them to find SOMETHING. I feel like hell. I could sleep all day and still be tired. The thing is, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little afraid of what they might say when they call me. I do have the whole cancer at 42; death at 43 thing going on in the back of my head. I keep telling myself, though, that I just don’t think it’s that. I really think it’s something to do with my autoimmune issues, but I need some answers.

Since I did call my regular doctor and leave a message before seeing the on-call dude, she called in a referral to an endocrinologist. I missed their call to schedule and appointment, but when I called today they told me I needed to call again on Monday to schedule it. There is still the chance (and it’s a big one) that all my tests will be normal and I’ll leave this round of testing once again with no answers.

Instead of falling into a depression about feeling like crap and still having no answers, I’m going to already have an appointment with an endocrinologist lined up for a second opinion on the TSH and thyroid tests. Isn’t it sad that I’m already banking on my back-up plan? There is a part of me that got upset earlier that no one called, and I started to panic about it being a bigger issue. I just like to know. I am a researcher. I want to know what I’m dealing with and research everything I can find on it.

It’s doubtful I’ll hear anything until Monday. So I need to try and put it out of my mind (good luck with that) and move on. We had my son’s little family birthday party this evening. It was small and quiet. My in-laws and my dad and step-mother came over for pizza and cake. It was a decent event, considering how some in-law events go. I thought my brother-in-law was going to lose it when my mother-in-law mentioned that one of my three-year-old nephews needed to do sit-ups to lose weight. Um…he’s three. He’s fine! I was actually proud of my brother-in-law for standing up to her and saying that he won’t allow her to create self-esteem issues in his children. I was also pleased that I wasn’t involved.

Other than that, it was a nice little get together. I’m exhausted from cleaning the house and getting everything ready today. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep in because I have my niece and nephew here tonight, but I intend to take a nice nap once they leave at 10:30. At the moment I can hardly keep my eyes open with no sleep aids. That in itself is crazy, but I’ll take it.



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