Still Waiting for Answers

Ovarian Cyst

To say I’m feeling stressed is an understatement. Today was my annual pelvic ultrasound and mammogram. Because my mom died at 43 of ovarian cancer, and my grandmother also died of ovarian cancer later in life, I have to go for ultrasounds as a preventative measure because there really are no signs with ovarian cancer. So, it goes without saying that I get stressed before these appointments. Add to that the fact that this morning’s appointment was a bit out of the norm and I’m kind of a mess.

My insurance doesn’t cover ultrasounds so I opted out of the belly ultrasound and just did the vaginal one because they get a clearer picture of the ovaries with that anyway. The tech took a really long time and sometimes that is normal as one of my ovaries is up high. She then said that she was going to do the stomach ultrasound to see if she could get a better picture, but that she wasn’t going to write it down so I didn’t get charged for it, which was really nice. Although I was super thankful for that, it also concerned me. Was it because she saw something out of the ordinary, or that she just couldn’t get a clear picture of that left ovary?

As she was leaving the room the tech said that my doctor was in the office today and that she would call me later with the results. Well, I never received a call. So I have come up with the following possible scenarios. #1. It’s Monday, she got busy and didn’t get to my ultrasound results yet. #2. It’s not good and she’s going to call me tomorrow…if it was a simple call the nurse would have done it for her. #3. She saw it and it wasn’t serious so she thought she’d call tomorrow.

Now I’ll rip those apart. She’s known me for 17 years and she knows I stress. I don’t think #3 is plausible. So it’s either that she didn’t have a chance to read the results today or that it’s bad. I’m opted to take a half an ambien so that I can sleep and turn my mind off from worrying tonight. There’s nothing I can do until tomorrow. For the first time, I’m thinking it’s going to be okay. That in itself is a little strange, because I’m a glass half empty kind of girl. I like to prepare for the worst case scenario.

At the moment, I’m in bed. My kitten, Biscuit, is snuggled up against me, purring. That always calms me. He’s such a strange little guy. He carries around dolls shoes or small things all over the house. Everything is a toy, but it is usually something like a shoe from an American Girl doll (that I probably paid a million dollars for). I suppose I should be happy that someone is playing with it! Since I raised Biscuit and his sister Cookie from the time they were two weeks old, they are very attached to me. But, Biscuit is ridiculous. He loves everyone from me to the cable guy. He just walks up to anyone and jumps in their lap to snuggle. The cable guy was here last week and he jumped right in the guy’s tool bag and started purring. My cats keep me calm and mostly sane!

Some good news for the day, which was very unexpected…my son won an essay contest at school. I’m going to sound like a horrible mom for a moment, but I almost didn’t believe him. He didn’t even want to enter the contest, but when I found out he got 10 extra points on his first test if he entered I made him do it. While I didn’t write it for him, I sat and brainstormed ideas with him about what he liked about science, asking him questions about experiments he did last year. I did proofread the essay, as my son is dyslexic, and it’s also safe for me to make sure he used complete sentences and that there weren’t any typos.

I thought the essay was okay. It wasn’t the greatest thing I had seen but it really did reflect him as a learner and how he learns best by doing hands-on projects and that his reading issues make textbook learning more difficult. He came home all excited today that in he was one of four students in his class that one the contest, which means he gets to go one four science field trips where they get to do hand-on learning at different places.

My son has never won anything academic, so even though I don’t think this was award winning in terms of his essay work, he did well and he must have said something that they liked enough to pick him. To see his genuine pride and excitement was the highlight of my whole day. For a kid that spends a lot of time trying to play catch-up in school to his peers reading level, etc., it was awesome to see his sense of pride in this accomplishment. I was one proud mama and I think the science field trips will be an awesome experience for him.

I’m going to end tonight’s blog on that high note, and hope I can do the same tomorrow. Good night autoimmune friends!

 

 

 

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