A Day of Reflection


First I’d like to say I was pretty crotchedy in my last post. Yes, my former friend was immature, but I need to grow up and not let things bother me. The following day as we were walking into Nutcracker practice we literally ran into each other and were pretty much forced to say hello. We did so, politely, and moved on. I guess that’s all I wanted. It’s just so much easier to be nice than it is to go out of your way to ignore someone or be an ass. Just my opinion.

I spent yesterday running around like a crazy person from Nutcracker rehearsal to football game and back to another Nutcracker rehearsal. By the time I was driving home, I had a full-blown migraine and was losing vision in my left eye. Despite how messy my house was, I walked inside, told the girls they could watch a movie and went into my room to lie down.

I’m trying to understand the difference between tension headaches and migraines because lately my headaches are all starting with neck tension and tight muscles rather than my usual ocular symptoms. The headaches always involve ocular symptoms, but it’s the way that they are starting that’s new. I’m just wondering if I’m getting tension headaches or if there is a huge difference at this point. The muscles in top of my shoulders and up through my neck are always ridiculously tight, but when I get a headache you can feel an actual band of tightness stemming from the base of my skull to my shoulder. When I stretch the area, the pain is enough to make me want to jump through the roof.

I felt a lot better by this afternoon. I think my body was just reminding me that I have an autoimmune disease and it’s not going to let me do everything I need to get done without one part or another crying uncle…or in my case locking up and not moving. It sucks, but that’s what I have to deal with. The good news is that I did make it out onto the track this evening with my son and I was able to even jog a little bit. I felt pretty good about that.

The reason for the title of today’s post is because I learned on Facebook that my uncle passed away today. There are just some things you wish you didn’t hear through social media. This was my mother’s step-brother, and since my grandmother passed away about 6 years ago, we have not had much contact, but when my mother was alive, we’d see them regularly. My mother was the glue on her side of the family. Everyone loved her and confided in her, even though they all could barely stand each other. I wasn’t close to my uncle, but I sat there for a while this afternoon with my memories and couldn’t help but feel sad.

I’m mainly sad that their whole family cut everyone off and has chosen to live with so much anger and hate. Long before I was born my maternal grandfather passed away and my grandmother remarried the only grandfather I ever knew. He had two sons and they were Jewish. My family is Catholic. We were quite the mix on Christmas Eve, but somehow it all worked out, or at least in the eyes of a child it all seemed happy, but my uncle and his wife were constantly feeling like the other brother, and my mom’s brother got everything and that they got nothing. They felt that they were always last.

I suppose this is where I get my ease of listening to other people without badmouthing the other party. My mom always did that really well. Even when she agreed that the person was being an ass or making things difficult, she just had a way of saying it where no one was upset with her. I haven’t quite inherited that part, but I do feel like I’m a decent listener. As I have said before, when it comes to my mom’s family, I’m the only one who talks to everyone.

I’m sad for his family as when I saw some of the posts from his kids it was clear there was strife in his own immediate family. I guess what I’m saying is, count your blessings. Say I love you to people, and don’t walk away angry unless you are really prepared to leave things that way. Life can be short. I don’t have regrets with my uncle, as we were on good terms, but it’s always sad to lose someone.

While I’m on the subject of keeping peace, I’m patting myself on the back for not flipping out that my mother-in-law called me all excited today that my daughter’s First Communion is on May 2nd. Let me explain. Apparently she booked the country club for that date weeks ago (nope, no thought of asking me) and was hoping that the First Communion would be on the first weekend in May as my other daughter’s was. She has been calling the church each week for updates. Did I know this? Nope. Does she go to our church? Nope.

And it gets even better because my niece is also making her First Communion so apparently it’s going to be one big shin-dig at the country club. I know she means well, and it’s not even that I wouldn’t have agreed to have a party there. I knew there would be no chance of not doing something with my sister-in-law as she changed churches so we could “share” this event. We had to have a joint Baptism, too. God help us all if they suggest a double wedding!

Anyway, I appreciate, that my mother-in-law would like to throw a party. Is it wrong for me to want to be involved, or even asked about what I’d like to do? Am I wrong to think it’s completely inappropriate for her to be calling the church to check on my child’s First Communion? Am I being a bitch? Tell it to me straight. She has no idea that I’m irritated because she caught me off-guard this afternoon when she called to celebrate that the communion was on the day she pre-booked the club. When I asked my sister-in-law if her mother asked her before booking the club she said no. I was pretty snotty when I said, “well from here on out, I’d really like to be included in the planning of my daughter’s party.”

That was bitchy, and I’m okay with it. It could have been worse, knowing me.


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