Is It Depression or a Funk

depression

It could be a bout of depression. It could be a funk, but it also could be that I’m irritated. I have been feeling better. My wrist is a lot better than it was the other day, and my pain level is very low. All in all, health-wise, I’m doing okay. I’m just still so tired. I fell asleep on a webinar last night and then heard them call my name and ask me to do tell the group about myself. Luckily, I wasn’t so far asleep that I didn’t hear my name, but it took me a moment to snap to it and answer.

The irritation comes in because yesterday someone asked me some questions about autism. I explained that it’s a very wide spectrum and while low-functioning, non-verbal children would likely stand out in a crown, there are so many kids with Asperger’s or that are high functioning ASD that the average person might not even be able to tell. I should know better than to discuss disabilities with this person, and I’m not even sure what prompted his question, but he responded with, “Don’t you think some parents just don’t want to admit that their kids are stupid?”

First of all, I’d never call any child stupid. I think there are plenty of stupid adults. Adults know what they are doing when they make stupid choices (or at least most of them do).  Mu thought was what kind of asshole asks a question like that. I responded with, “Well, there are neurologists and neuropsychologists that diagnose autism, but it’s possible you know more than them.”

Working with families that have children with all sorts of special needs, I hear many stories. No two children are alike even with the same disability. Two of my own children have dyslexia and they learn in completed different way. My son has difficulty with comprehension, and my daughter has trouble decoding. It is technically the same disability, but they couldn’t be more different.

So that set me off. But today is a new day and I just went for my last day of bloodwork. I took the steroid last night and this morning’s test for for the cortisol level. I’m just praying that they find some answers. The next hurdle is that I have to wait until my appointment on November 4th for some answers. That just plain sucks. I think that’s what has gotten me down the most. I just want so freakin answers. It’s frustrating to have different specialists disagree on my autoimmune diagnosis, and now it seems that after taking the more cautionary route of diagnosing me, my newer rheumatologist agrees that I not only have fibromyalgia but rheumatoid arthritis.

I really had my hopes up that it was a thyroid issue because that may have even changed the fibro and RA diagnosis because one of the big symptoms with thyroid issues is muscle and joint pain. Of course I ran with that and diagnosed myself with hypothyroid. It’s dumb I know…but if you had one shred of hope that you didn’t have RA, wouldn’t you at least dream about how great that would be. It was a bit of a reality check that these autoimmune issues aren’t going anywhere forever.

There won’t be a winter where my hands don’t turn white and blueish from Raynaud’s. There won’t be a day where I don’t have more than the average ache or pain. It sucks. But right now, I need to focus on some kind of PCOS diagnosis, as I already knew I had that from my days with infertility, but I just never saw it being an issue in my life again after conceiving. It’s just one more thing to add to the list, and that one isn’t even under the umbrella of autoimmune. I take a look at myself and this, holy crap is this 42? What am I going to be like at 52 or 72?

I’ll cheer up eventually. Perhaps stopping at Starbucks on the way home for an iced green tea will make everything better. It can’t hurt!

 

 

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