Snow Is on the Way

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It’s been a while since I’ve wrote a blog. Like has gotten in the way a bit. I have two novel editing clients, and so many referrals for the non-profit that I work for. Top that off with a crazy Nutcracker schedule, my son ending his football season and beginning wrestling a day or two later. I’m doing what I can to hold it together and try and grab a nap when I can.

I’m tired, yet sleep still eludes me. I’ve been taking a half an Ambien to help, but tonight it doesn’t seem to be helping so much. I was kind of hoping that they wouldn’t cancel school tomorrow so I could at least have a few hours of rest and cleaning without all three of them home. Unfortunately, we already got the call that school is closed.

I think it’s supposed to start snowing early in the morning and we’re expecting 5-8 inches. Did I mention I hate winter? I just get so cold, it’s hard to work when my whole body is shivering. I’m expecting to have to shovel tomorrow, and I’m really okay with that. It was a good workout last year, and this year I bought those hand warmers that you can stick inside your gloves.

I’m not much for playing in the snow anymore, but I’m sure my kids will want to go outside. We’ll see what happens.

Tonight’s random rant is about Lorde (the singer). I watched her the other night on the AMAs and now she’s on Jimmy Fallon. Her dancing looks like she’s got some kind of tic.

I don’t have much else to report other than I’ve been advised to get a second opinion of someone who really specializes in thyroid issues. I’m going to make a call to Yale Hospital tomorrow and she if they have someone there that I can get another opinion with.

My step-mother was doing her own research and she said, that I have every one of the symptoms. Of course, I knew that, but my blood test for hypothyroid came back in the normal range. I will try and get a second opinion where I might be able to run everything by a different endocrinologist that specializes in thyroid issues…like someone at Yale. I guess I’m lucky to live so close to Yale and the NYC hospitals. I have options.

I hope you’re all doing something nice for Thanksgiving! Wishing everyone a pain free and peaceful day.

I’m a Bitch and Other Musings

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Do you ever have those days where you just know you’re not as patient and kind as other days? Maybe you snap at people. Maybe you swear or don’t care as much about things. Well, that was my day today. It didn’t start out that way. I had a decent morning; taught my class and had a conference call with a family that I am taking on as an advocacy client.

Then I got an email from my former friend, clearly trying to reconnect after our last dramatic fight. I’m pleased to say that I didn’t engage. But then, my computer started shutting down and I realized that my battery is no longer working. So every time you touch the power cord, it shuts down…in the middle of what I’m doing. This did not make for a fun afternoon.

I haven’t gotten as much done as I needed to this week and I had to stop and edit pictures for my son’s football banquet. I sent her a message on Facebook asking if her son would be a wrestling tonight so I could give her the disk of photos. Otherwise, I said I’d drop them off at her house. She immediately wrote back on my Facebook page that she doesn’t use Facebook messenger, and “what did I want.”

So I repeated my message on the wall, to which she responded that she needed the pictures by Tuesday so she had to come up with another idea. I had a WTF moment. Seriously? You are putting them in a slide show to play at the banquet. I can easily pop them into a slide show. As a matter of fact, I’ve asked if she needed help all along, including with the banquet. She did something similar to me last year, so I should have seen it coming, but I was pissed that she wrote it like that on my wall. Of course, nosy Facebook people emailed asking if there was a problem with the pictures, so I put them all (way more than she asked for on disk) on to Shutterfly and sent them all to the team, just like I did last year so people could buy them if they liked a particular shot.

I tried to let it go, and maybe I couldn’t because I have taken my Celexa in two days and I’m exceedingly bitchy. I sent her an email later this evening saying I was sorry if I held her up with the pictures, but that I was waiting on a shot of one boy that I didn’t get a closeup of. I said I was sorry if she couldn’t do something with the pictures that she wanted, but that I was deleting her Facebook post because I had two people asking if there were issues and I don’t like that kind of drama.

She emails back, what Facebook post? You know that feeling you get when you just know someone doesn’t like you. This is her. I can honestly say overall it really doesn’t bother me because I don’t see her or have close mutual friends. We’re friendly when we see each other and that’s fine with me. It’s just that the past two season’s I’ve done everything to try and help and be nice, and she still gives me a huge attitude. People like that just piss me off, and today was just a day where I had enough crap.

I have been feeling like crap. I stopped the Metformin after puking this weekend, but then I restarted half the dose on Tuesday. I needed that time to get over the nausea. So far so good on the new dose, and I’ll probably try and move up the dose next week.

I saw my rheumatologist on Tuesday. He wants me to do a Vectra blood test for rheumatoid arthritis. Has anyone had this done? I was given a huge box to bring to the blood lab. Odd. Anyway, he’s still questioning the RA diagnosis, so he says this will give him a better idea of what’s happening. I have the joint pain, significant pain in my hands and feet, but my swelling is usually minimal. At times my hands and feet have bad swelling, but when I saw him on Tuesday they were fine. Isn’t that always the way it is? I asked if he wanted me to call and try and get an appointment when they were swollen, and that didn’t go over well.

I know damn well he can’t get me in at a whim, though he said I could try. Otherwise, he wants to see me in March. That’s not going to happen. I’ve already decided I can’t make it through this winter off meds again. I will see how the blood work comes back, and go from there. I’m ready to go back on Plaquenil.

We are getting our first touch of snow tonight and it’s very cold. It’s only supposed to be a dusting of snow to an inch…nothing major for Connecticut, but I’m just not ready. I miss the warmth. My cats and I have spent most of the week under the heated blanket. At the moment, I have my big cat on my lap, all snuggled up. He makes it hard for me to want to move.

So Sick Today

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As I mentioned in my last blog, I was starting Metformin this week. I thought I was doing okay with it. I certainly didn’t have the “bathroom issues” that were commonly mentioned. I just felt a bit nauseous, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Until Friday. I had dinner, and my foot was again in hideous pain so I broke down and took a pain pill. Well the combination of the two sent me over the edge and I began throwing up violently around 1:00AM.

It was awful and I ended up not being able to sleep until close to 4:00AM. I was hesitant to eat anything this morning, but I ate a rice cake with peanut butter. I figured that was bland enough and I held it down okay. We went to my daughter’s singing lesson and then to Nutcracker practice and somewhere during the ride I lost vision in my left eye and I was in a full-blown migraine feeling like I was going to throw up.

I decided to go through the drive through and get a soda to try and calm my stomach. It was so bad that I asked the lady for a plastic bag just in case I couldn’t make it home. I ended up getting home safely and put ice on the back of my neck for an hour before having to go back.

Again, I had an hour or so of feeling okay, and then it was back and I was trying to get back home before tossing my cookies. I feel like I have very low blood sugar; that disoriented, cold sweat, nausea, etc. I slept for two hours and felt a lot better but needless to say, I’m not taking that medicine tonight. I’m going to take another day off tomorrow and try and start it at half the dose on Monday.

When I asked on the PCOS board, many people said they felt like that for a month or two. A MONTH OR TWO? There’s no way in hell I could be like this for a month or two. My son has his football conference championship tomorrow, and I need to be there. I can’t be puking at home.

I was forced to eat a slice of pizza by my family and surprisingly, I think that helped with the queasiness from the low blood sugar. I’m just hitting a wall. I want to lose weight and feel better, but I don’t know if this is the way to do it. I don’t want to be nauseous and puking all the time. Metformin may very well help with my PCOS, but given the fact that I have decided to go back on the plauqenil this week, after I see my rheumatologist, I don’t want to be on both. I’ll tell him everything and see what he says.

My foot has been in that terrible pain either once a twice a day since Halloween. Someone online scared me by saying they felt that kind of pain when their hand deformity started. It felt like the hand was clamped in a position, and that’s exactly what my toes feel like.

Last night really scared me. I’m not ashamed to say I was on the couch crying for my mom. Sometimes you just need your mom when you’re that sick. My mom can’t be here because she passed away at 43, so then I became irrational and started thinking I was beginning to get deformed feet, I was so sick and there was no end in sight, and I need someone to make sure my children are raised the way I want them to be if something happens to me.

Everything was hitting me at once, and add the puking to the mix and I honestly felt scared that something bad was happening. I spent today trying to imagine what my month would be like if I continue with the current meds. I don’t know what to do. I suppose I should call the endocrinologist and ask questions. At the moment, my focus is on being at my son’s football game tomorrow morning. That’s the only focus for now. My sister-in-law is taking the girls to dance for me.

I know my mother-in-law has big plans to go shopping for a new kitchen table for us, which is just so nice, but I don’t want to see her spend the money that she wants to spend. I have two ways to look at it. Her son doesn’t make a lot of money in their family business and we are living paycheck to paycheck. I keep hearing how it’s going to get better…for years. I know we can’t afford to replace the table now and I also know how much she has bought for her daughters. I shouldn’t feel guilty that she wants to do something nice. Her heart is in the right place, and at least this time she’s letting me choose the set (a nice step from when she showed up with all white furniture for a home with three kids, three cats, and a big black dog).

We just found one for half the price at Raymour & Flanigan that I liked just as much. She’s concerned that the one she found at Basset was heavier and will last forever. I’m not even sure I’m going to be up for this tomorrow. Like I said, first things first, I need to make it to my son’s big game.

I’m saying my prayers now that he has a great game. His confidence is increasing now that he’s further understanding the game, but I’d love to hear the announcer call his name for a tackle. His last tackle, they just announced the kid who got tackled and I know he was so disappointed (usually they say both names). If I had one wish, other than a team win, it would be for him to have some sort of special moment. Even a small one would mean the world to him.

I’m off to try and sleep. Wish me luck!

No New News; Just New Medicine

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My appointment with the endocrinologist went pretty much as expected. My bloodwork all came back in the normal range. As I sat there about to cry, I made a last ditch effort using the the research I did on Metformin being helpful for PCOS, and much to my surprise he agreed to try it. I didn’t see that coming. I was ready with my arguments, but he said that he has seen Metformin help with some patients even when their bloodwork did not show an excess of androgens (male hormones).

So here I am with my new prescription and I’m on the Facebook pages for PCOS reading the horror stories of side effects. It’s mostly stomach issues…people saying they couldn’t leave the bathroom for days. Sounds like a real joy! I opted to only take one pill yesterday as people were saying it was helpful to work up the dose.

I didn’t have any side effects at all, so I figured why not try both doses today. I took the second dose with dinner around 6:30 and I feel like I’m sitting here waiting for something to happen. Fingers crossed that I don’t have issues tonight. I have enough issues already.

Today was hectic. I had a team meeting about 45 minutes away and then sat in traffic for an extra 30 minutes on the way home. I wish I had more interesting things to say today, but at the moment I’m supposed to be editing a military fiction novel and I just can’t concentrate on it. I have another novel waiting to be edited so I need to force myself to get through it.

The novel itself is well-written. I don’t have a lot of work to do in terms of the editing itself, but I’m not familiar with all the military terms or places in Vietnam, so I’m spending a lot of time looking things up. I’m having a hard time focusing at all lately. I just have so many things going on. I know I’m trying to do too many things. What mom doesn’t? But it’s difficult to keep up.

Between Halloween and standing out in the freezing cold for 2 hours on Sunday to watch my son’s football game, I’m really feeling the effects of having an autoimmune disease. My feet were so swollen after walking around in my slippers on Halloween that I couldn’t fit in my shoes on Saturday. I squeezed into them (with my usual brilliance) thinking they’d loosen up, and within about 5 minutes my feet swelled so much that I had to turn around and go back home to get other shoes.

I want to be there for every special moment with my kids, and it’s just really hard when the after effects cripple me at times. It doesn’t mean I’m ever going to stop trying, though. It’s just frustrating.

I’m also learning that just because you care about someone doesn’t mean they deserve it. I guess I’m that person that always hold on to a little bit of the good in people. There are very few people in my life that I hate, if any. I just try and make peace with things and move forward. I’m frustrated because I’ve now had someone try and come in and out of my life as one of my friends is doing now. He’s not even my friend after all the crap he’s pulled. I guess I’m just confused as to how someone can be in a serious psychotic state and then a week or so later act like nothing happened. I am chalking it up to mental illness and trying to just cut off ties.

Okay, I have to get back to my editing.

Autoimmune Mama Has Been Nominated for an Award!

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Autoimmune Mama has been nominated for a Lovely Blog Award by AshleyM of  the Thyroidasaurus Blog.  As a blogger, sometimes I just think I’m rambling and no one is reading. Either way, it’s helped me get my feelings out, which was the main point of it. But to have my blog nominated for any kind of award is awesome. THANK YOU!!!

The One Lovely Blog Award nominations are chosen by fellow bloggers for those newer and up-and-coming bloggers. The goal is to help give recognition and also to help the new blogger to reach more viewers. It also recognizes blogs that are considered to be “lovely” by the fellow bloggers who choose them. This award recognizes bloggers who share their story or thoughts in a beautiful manner to connect with viewers and followers. In order to “accept” the award the nominated blogger must follow several guidelines:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you for the award.
  2. Add the One Lovely Blog logo to your post.
  3. Share 7 facts/or things about yourself.
  4. Nominate 15 bloggers you admire and inform the nominees by commenting on their blog.

Seven facts about myself:

  1. I’m a mom of three, who went through hell and back to have my kids.
  2. In the last two years I’ve become somewhat of a crazy cat lady. I adopted a stray, then fostered two kittens, and failed as a foster mom, so I adopted them.
  3. I have worked as a professional editor for 20 years, and I refuse to proofread my blog because I’d get obsessive. I prefer it to be my thoughts without revision (everything against editorial guidelines).
  4. I lost my mom to ovarian cancer at age 14, and it affects me to this day at 42.
  5. I have two kids with dyslexia, and that changed me and put me on a new path in life to help advocate for kids.
  6. ‘m lucky enough to have a job that I love, as well as do freelance editing and writing. It’s been a nice balance, though I”m not getting rich any time soon.
  7. The reason I started my blog was that I felt like no one around me was really understanding what I was going through with my autoimmune disease. It’s been a huge blessing to have connected with people who get it (and put up with my craziness).

And NOW for the 15 bloggers that I admire and think you should check out!! As you will see I’m all over the place with my interests, but most have to do with autoimmune diseases. There are also some special ed and of course, a cat blog. Who doesn’t love a cute cat story!

1. Thyroidasaurus – http://thyroidasaurus.wordpress.com/

2. Dearly Beloved http://the-black-pantheress.tumblr.com/

3. Parents with Pain http://www.parentswithpain.com/

4. PCOS Matters http://www.pcosmatters.com/

5. Headache and Migraine News http://headacheandmigrainenews.com/

6. RA Warrior http://rawarrior.com/

7. RheumaBlog http://rheumablog.wordpress.com/

8. My PCOS Life http://pcoshater.blogspot.coCounting My Spoons/

9. Life and Fibromyalgia http://lifeandfibromyalgia.blogspot.com/

10. Support for Special Needs http://supportforspecialneeds.com/

11. Wright’s Law Blog (for special education advocacy) http://www.wrightslaw.com/blog/

12. Elephant in the Rheum http://elephantintherheum.blogspot.com/

13. Life with Autoimmune http://lifewithautoimmune.tumblr.com/

14. Counting My Spoons http://countingmyspoons.com/

15. Love Meow http://lovemeow.com/

Being the Bigger Person Sucks

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Be the bigger person, blah blah blah. You know it’s what you’re supposed to do, and most of the time it’s the road I choose to take, but no one ever said it was easy…or fun. Today I was a room parent at my daughters’ Nutcracker rehearsals. Honestly, I love doing it. Getting to see them dance and perform is awesome, and it’s just a fabulous production. I love to see the behind the scenes of how they choreograph the numbers.

So that all went well. The problem arose when my former friend’s (the ass who hates that I blog) daughter was freaking out about not having a parent to pick her up. I let her use my phone to call her dad, and I guess there was some kind of mix up with the what he was saying and what the mom said.

He called me back a few minutes later to say that her mother should have arranged that. I had to explain that she wasn’t allowed to stay for an hour and a half between her two rehearsals because we’re still practicing at a studio and not on the big stage. He grew silent like it was a big deal to get her, so I (the bigger person) offered to drop her off at home. Why did I do this? I have no idea, mostly because I’m an idiot.

The kid is very fresh. I cut her slack because she’s had a tough time in her short life. She was snapping at me on the way because clearly, I got the info wrong. Not sure how I even factored into the situation, but I just said that she and her dad would work it all out when she got home.

Later, I received a text thanking me for the help. Then another text blaming the mom. I just texted back “no problem” and left it at that. I am not opening that door again. His level of drama gives me more stress than I can handle.

Then there’s my feet. Both feet are still swollen from last night’s trek around the neighborhood with the kids. My body is getting even with me for my crazy cat lady costume and wearing slippers. The toe pain from last night finally subsided, but I feel like it’s going to cramp up at any moment. I’m sitting here with a heating pad on it. I’m not even sure what the issue is. It feels like my pinky toe wants to lean left, and every time I move it slightly to the right, I feel like it’s going to get stuck again and cramp up.

It sounds ridiculous, but I’m in a lot of pain. Both my hands and feet are swollen, and on tomorrow’s agenda, in between shuffling the girls to rehearsals, I have my son’s playoff football game. It’s all in the same town, so it’s not a lot of driving, but Connecticut has been really cold the last few days. Today was just awful.

I’m trying to keep going until I see the endocrinologist on Tuesday, but if he says there isn’t anything wrong with me and he has no idea what’s going, then I’m making an appointment with the rheumatologist to start Plaquenil again. I’m hesitant to do it before meeting with the endo because I hate to start medications at the same time. I don’t have much hope for Tuesday, or at least I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I’d really like to try the metformin and see if that has an impact on my weight and other issues related to PCOS.

Wish me luck on getting through tomorrow! I’m going to buy those disposable hand and feet warmers and hope they help. I’m going to need all the help I can get.

Don’t forget to turn your clocks back! An extra hour of sleep is always awesome. It’s waking up in the dark and having it be dark at 5pm that sucks.

 

 

 

Toes Aren’t Supposed to Cause More Pain than Labor

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I had a brilliant idea. I was going to dress up as a crazy cat lady tonight. I pinned stuffed cats all over a bathrobe, threw my hair in rollers, put on my slippers and off I went…well after I spent about 30 minutes doing “Elsa” makeup and zombie makeup.

The evening started out really well. We went to a neighborhood get-together and then went trick or treating. The houses in our neighborhood are fairly far apart and some have driveways that have large hills. I didn’t realize it until we got home that my feet were completely swollen. Perhaps slippers weren’t my brightest idea. The did have sole, though, so I thought I’d be fine.

The I tried to get into bed and it started. You know that feeling you have right before you calf is going to knot. Like the kind of knots that wake you from a sound sleep? It felt very much like that but for my little toe and the one next to it. I dropped to the floor and grabbed my foot. The only way I could stop the pain was to hold the toes and pressing them in toward the foot. If I moved them away, it cramped them up again.

Twenty five minutes of hell. My sweet son got out of bed to get me ice and take care of me. I ended up deciding that heat would feel better. I didn’t want to scare him, but dammit, I was scared. It’s not often that labor breathing comes into play for toe pain, but It was awful. I suppose it wasn’t a great idea in the cold with slippers, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like this. Anyone else?

I took a full Ambien tonight just to try and get to sleep. My hands are also ice cold. Did I mention I hate cold weather??

Happy Halloween…oh by the way, my kids had a blast and that’s what really mattered. My “Elsa” went door to door announcing that she was going to build a snowman for people and singing Let It Go. My older daughter and her BFF walked around together and had so much fun. The BFF’s younger sister had me cracking up. She’s two and I think she might be a handful at times, but she is so darn cute. I loved listening to her talk. She was so adorable.

See..there were some high points of the evening.