Where the Hell Is Spring?

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It’s April 16th…and it’s sleeting. Last year during spring break it was 85 degrees. We had one nice day in the 70s and now we’re back to cold, windy…and SLEET! WTF! For anyone who has rheumatoid arthritis, you know this is the worst type of weather. The damp, cold. It’s awful. My hands and feet ache, my back is stiff and even my knee hurts, which is odd for me.

I need some warmth. We aren’t going anywhere for spring break and it’s not going to be a nice week, which translates to a week of my kids telling me they are bored in the house.

We’ll figured something out to do, but let’s face it…it’s not Aruba or the Dominican Republic.

I’m almost feeling depressed today. I’m in a bit of a funk and I know the weather had something to do with it, but I’m sick of not feeling good enough in several aspects of my life. I’m sure living with an autoimmune disease plays into it. No one sets out thinking hooray, I hope to get one of those! I hate that I have to slow down sometimes. I hate that I think I’m huge. I hate that sometimes I need a nap for seemingly no reason, but my body is crashing and I don’t have a choice.

It’s tough to explain to people. I end up feeling lazy if I need to lie down. There are always a million things I could be doing, but when it’s that kind of exhaustion just hits and I’ve found if I push through, I end up making it worse.

I keep telling myself I’ll cheer up with the sun and the warmth but to be honest, I am not sure that will happen. I’m scared it won’t. My kids are at a stage of life where they are super busy and I’m constantly on the go driving them to this activity or that. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am already fearing for the day I don’t have anyone to drive around.

I guess I’ll allow the funk for a bit and then pick myself up. I don’t feel sorry for myself very often and I know I have things very good in comparison to many others. I have some days with no pain. They aren’t often, but they happen and for the most part my pain is manageable. I’m trying to count my blessings tonight as I’m watching my hands swell. This week has got to get have some bright moments. It just has to.

 

 

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