Trigger Point Pain

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Trigger Point Chart

If you have fibromyalgia, you’ve heard the term trigger point. Trigger points are the 18 spots on your body that are painful when pressed. I look at the chart of where they are and I have tenderness in most of those areas, but the top of my trapezius muscles (located on the upper back where the shoulder meets the neck) get so tight that it brings on a migraine.

Actually when I read about it online, they often call them tension headaches when they start with knotted muscles. It’s like the chicken and the egg. Do the knots start the migraine or does the migraine cause the knots? I just don’t have that answer, but what I do know is, the top of my right shoulder all the up to the base of my skull on the right side is so tight and I can’t get much relief from anything I’ve tried.

I took a muscle relaxer an hour ago and some Alleve a few hours before that. I tried a hot bath and light stretching, but I’m still here unable to see out of my right eye from the pain. This is blogging dedication, my friends. Tonight I’m blogging with one eye open.

I have one of those portable tens units. First I bought one at Target and I found it to be very helpful in loosening the tight muscle but also relieving some of the pain. I have since upgraded to a model with much more oomph! I only need to turn it on low to have an impact.

The unit runs for 30 minute sessions and has a bunch of different settings. I’ve had it going on different settings for 4 consecutive sessions. My neck is still tight, but the vibrations from the unit are enough to mask the pain quite a bit and ultimately my muscles do loosen up from it.

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to use it for this length of time, but right now, it’s the only thing helping and I can’t see what harm it can do.

People who don’t get migraines have no idea how bad they can be. I love the people that ask if I’ve tried Advil or Alleve for relief. I do use those but they barely take the edge off.

Lately I feel like my headaches are more frequent and I’m not sure if it’s the weather pattern, hormones, stress, or something else, but it’s hell. I have my peppermint essential oil (yes, people still mock me for using those, but if it helps even a little, with a headache this bad, you try it).

It sounds weird but having a migraine is a very lonely feeling on top of painful. I feel very isolated from the people I love or from doing things I enjoy. There’s no easy way to explain to your kids how bad a migraine is. I remember when I was a child, my best friend’s mom used to get migraines. When we’d sing and get loud she’d yell, “I have a migraine” and I  thought she was just trying to shut us up. Little did I know how much we were probably annoying her and making her headache far worse.

Tonight I’m frustrated with my headache because it’s not going away. Today is day 2 and I just want to go to sleep and wake up headache free. I’ll say a little prayer, but I’m not getting my hopes up.

Until tomorrow…

 

Genetic Testing…Here We Go

I suppose it should be enough having rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. I suppose that added extras of Raynaud’s, migraines, insomnia, and hyper mobility are just things I’ve gotten used to. But when I went for my yearly gynecological exam this year, I was prepared when my doctor thought it was time for me to have a generic counseling session.

I had asked years ago about an elective hysterectomy since my mother died at age 43 of ovarian cancer, but I was told they usually wait until menopause. But for some reason when I mentioned that I was nervous this year because I just surpassed my mother’s life span it prompted her to want me to go.

So what do I do after making the appointment…it’s me…I research the hell out of everything. I thought they were testing from the BRCA 1 and BRCA2 gene mutations which are linked to ovarian and breast cancer. I had my meltdown. Not because I was afraid of a hysterectomy. I think I’ve always kind of been ready for that after I was done having kids, but when I started reading how many people were going the whole Angelina Jolie route and also having the double mastectomy as a preventative surgery.

I don’t have breast cancer in the family, but the genetic counselor did say that usually by the time ovarian shows up on an ultrasound, it’s stage 2 cancer and aggressive. I’m okay with the hysterectomy. What I hadn’t thought about is that there is a 50% chance that if I have the gene, that I passed it on to my kids.

As a mom, you feel you can take on anything, but not my kids. The thought of my kids getting sick, or not being able to have babies is devastating. I know that even by then there will more advancements but I’m scared.

I had my blood drawn on Monday and they said it would take about 5 weeks. It usually takes 3, but since I have primary and secondary insurance it would take a little longer. I’m trying to focus on the good in my life and not the possibility of surgery.

I just had a clear mammogram and my pelvic ultrasound showed a cyst on my left ovary which isn’t a new thing. With PCOS, it’s a common thing, actually. They’ll recheck it in a month.

I don’t know if anyone reading the blog has been through the genetic testing or a complete hysterectomy. But any insight into recovery is appreciated. Feel free to message me through the blog if you are uncomfortable commenting publicly. I just want to know how long I’m going to be down with a laporospic surgery. I have a lot of reading to do in 5 weeks but nothing beats a first hand story.

I actually thought I was walking around doing really well ignoring my wait for the results until my phone just rang and I saw the genetic counselor on the Caller ID. My heart dropped thinking if she was calling this soon it was bad, but instead she needed another number off my insurance card that was messed up on her copy. Way to give a girl a heart attack.

This is going to be a long five weeks.

Explaining Things to Kids…

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I didn’t expect to have a heart to heart with my youngest daughter tonight. Actually, all I really wanted to do was come home and go to bed. Yesterday was my birthday and somewhere around 3pm my headache went from bad to horrific. Since my new insurance decided they weren’t going to cover the only medication that has ever worked for me (Maxalt/rizatriptan) I was forced to try a new medicine.

As any migraine sufferer knows, once you find something that works, the last thing in the world you want to do is try anything else so this came as quite a blow. But, here I was about to try my new medicine. At first I didn’t think it was doing much, but we went out for sandwiches about 40 minutes later before bringing the kids all over God’s creation for their activities and I thought I was doing okay. Then I got in the car and it all went to hell from there.

I got clammy and nauseous and had a plastic bag ready in case I needed to throw up. I laid in the car while my daughter was at gymnastics, just trying not to puke. I managed to keep everything down until we got home and then there was just no stopping it. I felt awful. The pain from my headache seemed to subside, but I was nauseous and vomiting terribly.

Fast forward to today, which I spent in bed because a night of puking does wonders for a person with an autoimmune disease. I was shot and all I could do was rest. We had told the kids that we’d go to dinner, though, since we really didn’t get to celebrate the night before.

Let me start by saying my kids need to work on their table manners. They drove me nuts at dinner. On the way home my daughters driven the car with my and my youngest loves to hear stories from when she was a baby and when all of them were little. She asked who was the first person to hold her and I said that she was my only baby that the doctor immediately handed to me without the nurses taking to weigh and clean off, etc.

In hindsight, this is probably why she was my best breastfeeder because she started from right away. My daughter asked if it was the same for the other two kids and I explained that no, daddy held them and then the nurse took them to weigh and do a screening right there in front of us and then I got to hold them.

She asked why she was different and I guess I thought we’d been through it before and it shouldn’t be anything new. I don’t lie to my kids so I explained that my doctor knew how worried I was about her because her legs and feet were very twisted and we didn’t know if she’d walk or the extent of what was wrong.

I didn’t tell her I was afraid to look at her, but I was. I was petrified to see how bad it was, but I have the most wonderful doctor who had been with me through several miscarriages and three hellish pregnancies. She knew me. She knew I was afraid to see her, so she didn’t even let the nurse touch her. She handed her to me as she was, a little bloody and messy, but so so beautiful. I told my daughter that as soon as I saw her I wouldn’t let anyone else hold her and didn’t want to let her go.

I looked at her and she had tears in her eyes as she asked why her legs weren’t normal. While I don’t lie to my kids, I also don’t tell them things they don’t need to know at 9 years old. She doesn’t need to know that she had a twin that died and that she was crushed in utero. How would that help her? That would only leave her with questions and sadness. I explained that the way she was positioned in my tummy left her very cramped and her legs didn’t have room.

I know she had seem pictures of herself in casts. Maybe it was so long ago that she had forgotten but she had casts from her toes to her upper thigh from 3 days old to 6 weeks, that were changed weekly, each time adjusting her feet to turn a bit more.

I said to her as a mommy I was scared. I didn’t know that she’d grow up to be able to do all the wonderful things she can do now. She’s my kid that never stops moving. Currently her latest obsession is gymnastics and it’s all she wants to do and talk about. For the kid who our 20 week ultrasound we were told “many people years ago would have aborted for this because it often goes along with neurological issues” to my funny, crazy, spitfire who is always running, jumping and dancing…it’s been an interesting road.

I was sad, though, that she didn’t remember or that it felt like she didn’t know this. I have never hid anything, but at 9, it’s just not a huge part of our life anymore. She still sees the orthopedic doctor every so often because she has hyper mobility and they keep telling me as she gains muscle that will help (so far she’s still able to bend like a pretzel).

It just broke my heart to see tears in her eyes that she was born perfect. First, no one is perfect and though she knows that, she didn’t get that there was something really wrong. It led to a long talk about my relationship with her as a baby and how I kind of became overprotective and a bit of a baby-hog. I was so convinced she needed to be protected (don’t even ask me for what, looking back I’m sure I had some kind of postpartum depression) that I just wanted to hold her and love her.

My other two kids were amazing with her. They loved her from day one and wanted to help. I was so blessed because I didn’t have the whole sibling rivalry on top of everything else. In fact, they mostly fought over who was going to help get her a diaper or hold her, etc.

We are very lucky that my daughter is okay, though I get very stressed for each orthopedic appointment that they will tell me she’s going to need some kind of surgery. Our next appointment is in June and we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Even though I wanted to go to bed, my conversation with my daughter was so important because I know she went to bed knowing how much she was wanted and loved and that from the very moment I saw her, I loved her with all my heart and never wanted to let her go. It doesn’t hurt that she also feels a little special that she’s the only baby the nurse didn’t insist on weighing, etc. before handing them to me. That bonding moment is something I’ll never forget.

I miss having babies. My kids send my over the edge on a daily basis, but there aren’t even words to describe the intense love I have for them. They are my everything. They are what I’m most proud of; what I’d do anything for.

So not really an autoimmune blog tonight, but this situation really hit me hard. Someday I know I need to tell her she had a twin…mostly because her siblings know and I don’t want her to hear it from them, but I worry that she’ll start feeling like a part of her is missing 😦

These things keep me up at night.

Aside from still being nauseous, my joints are not the best today, but still not horrid. It’s like they are just saying…hello, we just want to remind you we’re here and we could start casing pain at any given moment. I know. I know. I’m taking it easy!

 

** Disclaimer: the pic above is not my daughter, but another baby that needed the same Ponseti Method of casting. My daughter’s legs were a tiny bit more severe in terms of the beginning stage, BUT…they were deemed not to be what is considered “clubbed feet” which is what can often go along with neurological issues. Hers were positional based on being crushed be her twin in utero. The pic was just to give an idea because it’s hard to describe.

 

 

 

 

Working Out and Feeling Bad

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Usually I feel good after a workout, but I started working out harder yesterday and today. I’m paying for it now. I used heavier weights than usual, and my trapezius muscles are as tight as a drum and I feel a headache coming on. I’ve had a long few weeks. Work has been very busy. I have to honestly say that I love my job. Being able to help families of children with special needs is a blessing. I find that I get as much out of it as they do.

There’s just something about winning a war with a school district that doesn’t want to give a child appropriate services that makes me feel so good. It doesn’t always work out that way. I had a PPT end very badly two weeks ago with the school stating that autism was a medical diagnosis and was not impacting the child’s ability at school. But this week I had a mom who has really been put through the wringer.

I am happy to say we left that PPT happier than I expected. When things like that happen, it makes me feel that I’m truly making a difference for these kids. It’s also a good break from my own life and my chronic illnesses.

I’m in a lot of pain tonight. Some of it is from my workout. That’s the good pain. The rest is my fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis…that is bad pain. My sacro-illiac joint is so painful right now I could scream. I took some Alleve and I’m hoping it helps. I also have one of those heat patches on my neck/shoulders to try and loosen them up.

I’ve also been having the strangest pain in my inner thigh. Of course my mind jumps straight to blood clot, though I’m sure it’s no big deal. I just feel like I’m falling apart. I look the worst I’ve ever looked and it’s depressing. I have the puppy, who encourages me to walk more, but when we did our long walk with the hills, my back, hip, and feet took two days to recover. Here’s the problem…everyone is saying that if I do it more often it won’t hurt as much. But is that really true?

I have worked out several days in a row and then my pain gets worse, not better. My body needs time to recover. So I am doing my Beachbody videos and walking, but I’m alternating the videos so as not to work out in the same way each day. I’m also going to try and do a little more yoga for my SI joint. Stretching is the only thing that helps, though it’s terribly painful.

The bright spot in my week is my puppy. Oh my goodness, he’s adorable. We had our first socialization class tonight and let’s just say he’s social. He was romping around trying to play with the other puppies and then he and one other lab puppy really seemed to enjoy playing together. I’m trying to be conscious of training with this guy, because our other dog really hates men and barks a lot at people. My kids were so young when we got here, I didn’t have the time for socialization like this…and I hadn’t done a whole hell of a lot of reading on it.

She’s not a bad dog, but she does have some issues. My little guy was one of the youngest in the class and the biggest puppy there. I don’t think I realized how big he was until I saw him playing with a black lab that was a week older than him. His feet looked so huge compared to hers.

I have the kids home all week next week for spring break. I’m trying to plan a few things so I’m not going nuts. I still have to work on Wednesday and Friday and my daughter is having a re-do of her birthday sleep over this Sunday. I need to get some rest before that, but luckily the quietest of the girls are able to come. The two wild ones are away for spring break…darn.

I’m hoping that tomorrow is a better day in terms of pain level. it’s so bad i didn’t even know which part to use the heat patch on. My wrist is also terrible. I feel like I’m 90 years old. I will stick to an easy walk tomorrow if it’s not raining. I’m sure the cold and rain aren’t helping things. Still waiting for spring to arrive. At this rate I’ll be using my heated blanket until July.

It’s Friday the 13th

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I should have known never to plan a birthday sleepover on Friday the 13th. Let’s just say it didn’t go well. I took 6 ten-year-olds and my younger daughter to see Cinderella in the IMAX theater. About halfway through, my daughter told me she didn’t feel well. Then she threw up on the way to the bathroom.

She didn’t want me to tell her friends until the movie was over, but in the meantime I was texting all the moms that the sleepover needed to be canceled. My poor daughter. She was crying and so worried her friends would be upset, but she has some super sweet friends. I’m praying she’s not up all night throwing up. She’s been asleep since minutes after we got home.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog, and truth be told, I’ve been a bit depressed. I set my sights on getting a puppy and that took over my life for about two weeks. Adopting a rescue dog is no joke! It took over a week for us to get approved for a dog…well, the dog I wanted. The local rescues approved us quickly but they didn’t have what I was looking for.

I wanted a fluffy German Shepherd mix. I applied for a puppy in a Texas German Shepherd rescue. His pictures weren’t great, but there was just something about him. I felt like he was the one. We got the approval for him over a week after we applied. They called references, our vet, did a criminal background check.

Anyway on February 28th we found out that we were approved to adopt the puppy (pictured above) who has named Benson at the rescue. We spent the next three nights in family meetings discussing his name. No one could agree on anything. All our pets are named after foods so we wanted to keep that theme.

The kids came up with Root beer, Colby (cheese), Chip, and I liked Schnitzel. Schnitzel was immediately shot down. After days of negotiations I felt like we needed to find a new choice and I was driving by a Dunkin Donuts (if you don’t live in the northeast, it’s a huge donut and coffee chain). It hit me…Dunkin is a great name and it’s still a donut!

So they all agreed and we hoped to get him by the middle of the month. Because he had to be neutered we needs to wait a week for the transport to be scheduled. Then they said it would be March 18th. Ok, I could work with that. Then they emailed that the transport on the 18th was canceled and I lost it. I don’t want to miss the puppy stage.

Long story short, he is arriving in CT on March 28th. I wasn’t thrilled, but I can’t do anything to change it. The vet he saw in Texas pushed back his age three weeks making him ineligible for transport. I certainly don’t want to put him in a situation to get sick, but the waiting is killing me.

I’ve second guessed getting him about 100 times. I want a puppy, but I’ve never gotten a dog online. You don’t really know what he looks like or anything. I mean he looks cute in the picture, but what if he’s not what I was dreaming of?

I think focusing on the puppy has taken the true focus off what’s been bothering me. I know I’ve mentioned this before but I’m turning 43, the age that my mom was when she died. As it gets closer to March 30th, I’m falling further into a funk. It’s just a very weird feeling. I know the 30th will not be an easy day, but the fact that we will have Dunkin will help me focus on the positive.

My rheumatoid arthritis has been tough. This winter has been so cold and it’s like once my hands are that cold, nothing warms them up. I’ve woke up the last few mornings with swollen hands and what looks like a lipstick mark in different spots. The first day I saw it I tried to rub it off because it truly looks like a lipstick stain. It didn’t come off. Then the next day it was in a different spot. Today’s was large enough that it concerned my husband. He took a picture of it to show my doctor.

I am thoroughly disgusted with the way I look. I think that’s definitely adding to the depression. I look hideous and I don’t fit in anything. I am getting back to my Ideal Shape products and did well today. I definitely like the chocolate shakes better than the vanilla, which surprises me. Usually I like a vanilla shake with added fruit. This one smells like Play Dough to me, HAHA!

I am also forcing myself to exercise every day. It’s tough on the high pain days, and on those days I’ll just do abs or something small. If my hands are swollen, holding weights isn’t an option.

Once the puppy comes, I will be walking more…and hopefully by then it will be warmer.

I’ve also had some pretty horrific migraines in the past three weeks. I’m not sure what that’s about, but it has been awful. I use my prescription migraine medicine, Maxalt, so sparingly because even the generic is darn expensive (with insurance). I had to take three in the past three weeks. Usually I can fight it off with Excedrin, but these weren’t going away.

Anyway, I know that my next two weeks will be emotional and hectic. Right now my main hope is that my daughter doesn’t end up puking all night. She’s been sound asleep for a while. Praying she sleeps it off. Gosh, it’s awful when your kids are sick.

I’ll try and be better about keeping the blog up-to-date. I feel like it’s therapy for me.

Just Surviving

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I feel like it’s an accomplishment that I survived today. We had a gymnastics birthday party for my daughter with 12 kids (other than mine) and it was hectic. I’m not sure what was funnier to me, the girl that wanted me to buy her a gymnastics outfit instead of giving her a gift bag, or that my mother-in-law said one inappropriate thing after another.

My neighbor was talking about a situation her older daughter is having with a co-worker and that she tried to talk to her boss about it, but nothing has been done. My mother-in-law blurted out, “Oh is he gay?”

I’m not sure how she draws conclusions. My brother-in-law and I had to walk away because we were laughing so hard. I used to spend time trying to explain to her that her comments could be taken as rude, insensitive, and inappropriate, but I gave up on that about 8 years ago. She isn’t going to change.

Tonight I’m fighting a headache. I’ve been able to stay on top of the pain, so it’s not bad, but I realized that I skipped taking my birth control pill last night and that always triggers a migraine for me. As soon as I realized it, I took the pill this afternoon, so I’m hoping between that and some over the counter meds that I don’t wake up with a bad headache tomorrow.

It’s bad enough that the temperature is going to be -14 tomorrow morning. I don’t need a migraine on top of dealing with that. The front of my thighs are hurting me tonight; one more than the other. I’m not sure what that’s about. Of course, my mind jumped to the fact that I work with the computer on my lap all day and it’s probably a tumor.

Tomorrow is also a school holiday and then we have a snow storm coming on Tuesday. At this rate, the kids will be in school until July.

So I need to get back on the diet wagon tomorrow. I am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I allowed myself to fail…again. Tomorrow begins a new week and I’m going to give it my all. I’m going to ignore the fact that I made banana bread today and that I’m likely the only one who will eat it. I need to get serious before it starts to get warm.

I was good about exercising last week, so I plan to keep that up. I didn’t do anything today and did plan to, but I got sucked into watching the Saturday Night Live Anniversary Special. It was great watching some of those older sketches with Phil Hartman, Chris Farley, Will Ferrell, etc.

I’ll get back to my elliptical that I hate tomorrow. It’s good for me, and I need to work up to a longer amount of time. We’ll see. I was thinking of pulling out my step and doing an old step class. I miss it. It was my favorite class to teach.

I need to get back to doing it a few times a week. It will break up the monotony to spending 30 minutes on the elliptical. It’s now 12:30 and I’m still wide awake. I’m going to have to take a half an Ambien to get some rest.

If you’re on the upper East Coast, try to stay warm.

Super Bowl, Snacks, and Snow

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I’m not a football fan…except when my son is playing. But, this Super Bowl was a darn good game to watch. The girls and I opted to not go to my sister-in-law’s house to watch the game, and instead we watched movies for most of the day and then watched the game.

I learned how to stream my movies through our XBox so I made the girls watch Grease for the first time ever, and we also watched Mamma Mia. They’ve really been into musicals, but I forgot about some of the scenes in Grease. I suppose I could have exposed them to worse.

I haven’t updated the blog in a few days. My migraine was complete hell all the way until late Friday night. I attended the class that I was accepted to through the state of Connecticut, and I had to take muscle relaxers and two rounds of migraine medicine just to be able to function.

I was very nervous, but it was a good experience. I did my three-minute speech–even cracked a few jokes. I met some very nice people, as well. I would say half of the participants have some sort of disability and the other half are parents of children with a disability. It’s going to be a ton of work, and I still haven’t decided what my final project will be, but I need to figure it out this week.

The other issue I had is that after sitting from noon to 8:30PM in the same chair, I was a mess on Saturday. My body can no longer handle sitting in the same position for that long with only a few small breaks. Saturday’s class was really hard because my hips were so stiff and my back was really bothering me.

By last night I was hobbling around due to joint and muscle pain. When my husband asked why I was walking like I was dying, it really hit me that the rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia have really changed what I can and can’t do. You wouldn’t think sitting would be that big of a deal, but I was in a straight chair and it wasn’t that comfortable to begin with.

The fact that my body stiffens up so easily makes things really difficult. I didn’t have a lot of swelling, but I had a lot of join pain. The only good news was that my migraine finally let up on Saturday. It’s funny, I can suffer through my arthritis pain for the most part, but the migraine was horrid. At one point I was trying to pay attention and I could hardly see because my vision was getting so blurry.

The table of people that I sat with was very nice. I met some great people and made a lot of contacts. It’s funny though, whenever you tell people you are an editor (as I did in my three-minute speech), people want to tell you about a book they are writing. While I did talk to two people at length about editing, I was really focused on all the stuff they were teach about the Department of Developmental Disabilities.

The only issue with the training, other than the fact that I had to give a speech, was that the woman sitting next to me talked under her breath the entire time. I think I heard her snoring on Saturday morning, but I was trying not to look.

For a project for Saturday morning we each had to choose a disability from a given list that we would want over the others, and one we wouldn’t want. I’m not sure why alcoholism was listed as a disability, but it was on there. Anyway, we were supposed to go around the room and tell what we picked and why. The lady next to me chose to have alcoholism and when she got the microphone she just started going through her day of what she’d drink.

The group leader had to tell her to stop when she named her fifth or sixth alcohol. I chose deafness as the disability from the list that I’d take. My first major in school was interpreting for the deaf, so I know how strong the deaf community is. There is a lot of support and I think as much as I’d miss my music, I’d be much more afraid to lose my vision.

We’re also getting hit with another big snowstorm tonight. It just started snowing and they already closed schools again for tomorrow because we’re supposed to get between 12-18 inches of snow. So yay me!! The kids will be home again, and I won’t get much work done.

I’m not even sure what movie to rent tomorrow. I’m looking for something all three kids will enjoy. Hopefully, they can pick one without too much bickering.

 

 

Another Storm, Another Migraine

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I woke up with a migraine this morning, and it seemed to get a little better and then came back with a vengeance. My neck is so tight on the right side and my vision is blurred in the right eye.

I usually take a muscle relaxer at night for my fibromyalgia, but I took one around 6pm and then another one again at 8:30. I have the TENS unit going on high to try and loosen the area up, and I have to just say that I’m hardly feeling any relief.

I’m supposed to be practicing a speech I have to give for a class tomorrow, but I can’t even read it at the moment. I hate public speaking…I’m terrified. My two directors at the non-profit organization talked me into applying for this program that is run by the state of Connecticut. It’s called Partners in Policymaking and it’s once a month for 9 months. I go tomorrow at noon and won’t be home until Saturday evening.

This is the first session and I’m in a panic, which I’m sure isn’t helping the headache. It’s supposed to start snowing at some point tonight and stop around noon tomorrow. I’m supposed to be in Hartford at noon and that’s at least an hour away without snow.

I’m praying I don’t wake up with this headache tomorrow because I don’t know how I’ll do in two 8-hour study sessions. I can hardly function as a mom when I have a migraine, let alone take notes and get up and give a speech.

My other issue today was my hands. I know I’ve complained about my Raynaud’s numerous times, but it’s so odd to me how some days there is just nothing I can do to warm up my hands. I had a heated blanket over me for the majority of the day, and my core wasn’t cold, yet my fingertips were a bluish and freezing.

I haven’t had much swelling in my hands, but the pain and numbness is awful. I am packing my heating pad for tomorrow.

My kids are not used to me going away. Even though it’s only for one night, they are kind of a mess. I’m hoping that they don’t have a snow day so we have to deal with a sad goodbye as I’m leaving. My youngest daughter just learned how to text through her iPod, so I know she’ll be contacting me often.

I have to finish editing a manuscript before I can go to bed, but the good news is that I’ve been through it several times and it’s very clean. This is one for middle-grade readers and while fantasy usually isn’t my thing, I really enjoyed it. She’s a very good writer. I’ll be reading with one eye open, though.

 

 

Diet: Day 1

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I’m still alive…a little hungry, but still alive. My Ideal Shape order came today and I’m pleased to say, so far everything tastes really good. I bought a supplement that goes along with the program and I think tomorrow I will take it in the afternoon because I’m feeling way too much energy for the night. It might be an Ambien night over here.

I was able to stick to the program and drink all the water I was supposed to. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom from all the water, but other than that, it was all good. I was trying to go to bed without a snack, but I was pretty hungry so  had a gluten-free rice cake with peanut butter and so far so good.

I think I’m just excited to get started. Tomorrow I will step on the scale so I can get back to weighing myself weekly. I’m not looking forward to that, but I need to do it.

My migraine from last night lasted well into the day. I actually had to lay down with the TENS unit running to loosen the muscles in my neck. I was able to kick it for the most part, but it definitely affected the majority of my day. I’m trying to get another round of editing done for the last book I have on my plate this week. I believe two of them will come back for another round and final proofing, but it was a good feeling to completely finish a military fiction novel.

I had a tough time getting into the novel at first, as military fiction is not really my thing, but much to my surprise, I love the way it turned out. I really got into the story, and the author is such a fascinating veteran. It’s always a great feeling to finish a book, but I get a little weird about it…like I’m afraid to let it go. No matter how many times I read something, I always want to make little changes. It’s hard to say, “This is done.”

The three novels I was working on this week are all very good. I’m excited for the authors. It’s nice to be a small part of their book. I did let one almost-client know that I didn’t want to work with her…something that isn’t easy for me. I edited a sample chapter and she sent it back saying that she didn’t want to add commas (I added commas) because they are “obsolete.” That was enough to send me over the edge, so I told her I didn’t think we were a good match.

Earlier in my career I would take on any author. I thought I could help anyone, but I’ve learned to not take on people that I don’t get along with on a personal level…and especially not someone who thinks punctuation is becoming obsolete. I almost had to pop a Xanax!

The other thing I accomplished today was doing a resume for my daughter. Did I mention she was 9? I felt a bit like a freaky stage mom, but she wants to try out for a part in The Sound of Music next month and they require a resume and headshot. I’ll be taking pictures this weekend. I’m ridiculously proud of her that she is eager to try out for a part. She is so she and gets so nervous. I just give her so much credit for even trying.

She was pretty disappointed that she didn’t get a role in her school’s fourth grade play, but the thing is, she can really sing, but acting might be a struggle. Since she is so shy, I’m not sure how the audition went. She has a stutter sometimes, and I know that’s always on her mind when she’s speaking in public.

Anyway, she’s taking a class this weekend on how to audition and I’m hoping this helps her. Part of the problem is that she is not a competitive kid…at all. She needs to be a little more competitive if she wants to do plays, but if it doesn’t happen for her this year, she will get there. This is a kid who didn’t talk to anyone in kindergarten for several months because she was so shy. The fact that she’s auditioning at all is so huge. I just want her to get a role so she builds confidence in herself, even a small role.

So she’ll be auditioning for the part of the second youngest Von Trapp kid. Fingers crossed. I’ll probably be puking from nerves when she goes in to audition. Clearly she gets her fear and panic fro her mother.

I have a PPT for my son tomorrow that I’m starting to feel stressed about. If you don’t know what a PPT meeting is, chances are you do not have a child in special education. Two of my children are dyslexic, and tomorrow is my son’s annual meeting. Last time, we had to adjourn the meeting and I came back with my co-worker, who is an advocate. It’s funny, I attend PPTs with clients all the time, but when it’s your own child, it really helps to have someone else there with you that you feel is on your side. It often feels like an us against them thing.

Other than that, there isn’t much else going on here.

I Feel a Migraine Coming

headache

Those of you who get migraines know exactly what it means to feel one coming. While I know everyone is different, for me it starts with trails of light as I move my eyes. I don’t have the pain at this point, but I know it’s coming.

While we’ve had a little reprieve from the freezing cold weekend, we are getting a little bit of snow tonight and a lot more is coming our way on Saturday. While I can definitely relate my migraines to hormonal changes (period week is hell), I find that the pressure with storms really affects me.

The more I read about and talk to people with fibromyalgia, migraines are a common thread for many of us. While my fibro and rheumatoid arthritis cause me a lot of pain, nothing compares to a migraine. When it’s bad, I can’t function at all. I’m useless as a mom, editor, parent advocate, etc. Just plain useless.

I’m hoping to head this migraine off by taking some Excedrin. I don’t want to pull out the Maxalt just yet. I’m like a crazy person. I feel like I have to hoard those for horrific migraine days. I didn’t take Melatonin earlier tonight because I thought I’d be exhausted. I was up late editing last night, and I worked a full day at the office today. That means no time for a quick nap or a cuddle with my cats.

One new thing I’ve been trying is essential oils. I know there are a lot of great companies out there, but since I have no idea what I need or want, I bought a sample pack on Amazon. No idea even what brand they are, but I love them. I use the peppermint when I have a headache coming on, lemongrass just makes me feel happy, lavender to help sleep, and then there are a few others. I only bring this up because of the migraine issue. If you haven’t tried peppermint oil, it’s worth a shot.

While it doesn’t take the place of medication (sorry, I wish I could say it did), I do feel a noticeable difference when I put it on my temples. A friend just told me about a certain blend that is good for fibro. I’ll report back on that if I buy it. It’s from doTerra, which is supposed to have wonderful products, but they are pricey.

Why I’m a Crab Today

I think I’m crabby because even though it wasn’t a bad day, I just don’t feel great. I hate to complain when I know I have days where my pain level is far worse, but it’s exhausting just not feeling great. I can’t remember the last time I woke up and felt refreshed by a good night’s sleep. Heck, even on a great Ambien night of sleep I still wake up exhausted.

Maybe BLAH is a better word. I’m blah because I haven’t had a day without a freakin ache in so long. I’ve been under my heated blanket since 5:30pm and my fingers are still like icicles (thanks Raynaud’s). So there, that’s tonight’s post. I’m blah and I hate it.

Tomorrow begin my weight loss journey with Ideal Shape. I don’t want to bore anyone, but I feel like if I hold myself accountable on the blog, maybe I won’t eat a bag of cookies or chocolates. I’m actually excited even though I technically started smaller portions and cleaner eating on Monday (we are going to ignore the Pepperidge Farm cookies I scarfed down when I got home from work).

Worst case scenario, tomorrow night I’ll be reporting back that the shakes were horrid. Best case, I’ll like them and feel full between the shakes, snacks, and drinking way more water than usual. They want you to take your weight and divide it in half, and that is the amount of water you should be drinking each day.

Hopefully, I can do that! We’ll see. I just want this extra weight off in time for summer.

Oh and to finish up, I was invited by the women who work at the pediatrician’s office to see 50 Shades of Grey. What the hell was I thinking when I said yes. I didn’t even make it a quarter of the way through the book…they lost me at “butt plug” and the whole contract thing. I know I said I was making an effort to be more social, and they are all super nice, but dear lord…I wasn’t planning on seeing that one. Should be interesting. I’m either going to cancel for fear of not knowing anyone, or pop a half a Xanax and force myself to go!

Before I admit that the half an Ambien is kicking in, I just wanted to say hello and thank you for all the new blog followers. Thank you Goddess Simmons Drew for sharing the blog on your FB group. Connecting with people that understand what it’s like to have an autoimmune disease and the crazy roller coaster it is, has made a world of difference to me. We’re not alone.

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