It’s Friday the 13th

10997466_10206201745343969_2664699678981971095_o

I should have known never to plan a birthday sleepover on Friday the 13th. Let’s just say it didn’t go well. I took 6 ten-year-olds and my younger daughter to see Cinderella in the IMAX theater. About halfway through, my daughter told me she didn’t feel well. Then she threw up on the way to the bathroom.

She didn’t want me to tell her friends until the movie was over, but in the meantime I was texting all the moms that the sleepover needed to be canceled. My poor daughter. She was crying and so worried her friends would be upset, but she has some super sweet friends. I’m praying she’s not up all night throwing up. She’s been asleep since minutes after we got home.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog, and truth be told, I’ve been a bit depressed. I set my sights on getting a puppy and that took over my life for about two weeks. Adopting a rescue dog is no joke! It took over a week for us to get approved for a dog…well, the dog I wanted. The local rescues approved us quickly but they didn’t have what I was looking for.

I wanted a fluffy German Shepherd mix. I applied for a puppy in a Texas German Shepherd rescue. His pictures weren’t great, but there was just something about him. I felt like he was the one. We got the approval for him over a week after we applied. They called references, our vet, did a criminal background check.

Anyway on February 28th we found out that we were approved to adopt the puppy (pictured above) who has named Benson at the rescue. We spent the next three nights in family meetings discussing his name. No one could agree on anything. All our pets are named after foods so we wanted to keep that theme.

The kids came up with Root beer, Colby (cheese), Chip, and I liked Schnitzel. Schnitzel was immediately shot down. After days of negotiations I felt like we needed to find a new choice and I was driving by a Dunkin Donuts (if you don’t live in the northeast, it’s a huge donut and coffee chain). It hit me…Dunkin is a great name and it’s still a donut!

So they all agreed and we hoped to get him by the middle of the month. Because he had to be neutered we needs to wait a week for the transport to be scheduled. Then they said it would be March 18th. Ok, I could work with that. Then they emailed that the transport on the 18th was canceled and I lost it. I don’t want to miss the puppy stage.

Long story short, he is arriving in CT on March 28th. I wasn’t thrilled, but I can’t do anything to change it. The vet he saw in Texas pushed back his age three weeks making him ineligible for transport. I certainly don’t want to put him in a situation to get sick, but the waiting is killing me.

I’ve second guessed getting him about 100 times. I want a puppy, but I’ve never gotten a dog online. You don’t really know what he looks like or anything. I mean he looks cute in the picture, but what if he’s not what I was dreaming of?

I think focusing on the puppy has taken the true focus off what’s been bothering me. I know I’ve mentioned this before but I’m turning 43, the age that my mom was when she died. As it gets closer to March 30th, I’m falling further into a funk. It’s just a very weird feeling. I know the 30th will not be an easy day, but the fact that we will have Dunkin will help me focus on the positive.

My rheumatoid arthritis has been tough. This winter has been so cold and it’s like once my hands are that cold, nothing warms them up. I’ve woke up the last few mornings with swollen hands and what looks like a lipstick mark in different spots. The first day I saw it I tried to rub it off because it truly looks like a lipstick stain. It didn’t come off. Then the next day it was in a different spot. Today’s was large enough that it concerned my husband. He took a picture of it to show my doctor.

I am thoroughly disgusted with the way I look. I think that’s definitely adding to the depression. I look hideous and I don’t fit in anything. I am getting back to my Ideal Shape products and did well today. I definitely like the chocolate shakes better than the vanilla, which surprises me. Usually I like a vanilla shake with added fruit. This one smells like Play Dough to me, HAHA!

I am also forcing myself to exercise every day. It’s tough on the high pain days, and on those days I’ll just do abs or something small. If my hands are swollen, holding weights isn’t an option.

Once the puppy comes, I will be walking more…and hopefully by then it will be warmer.

I’ve also had some pretty horrific migraines in the past three weeks. I’m not sure what that’s about, but it has been awful. I use my prescription migraine medicine, Maxalt, so sparingly because even the generic is darn expensive (with insurance). I had to take three in the past three weeks. Usually I can fight it off with Excedrin, but these weren’t going away.

Anyway, I know that my next two weeks will be emotional and hectic. Right now my main hope is that my daughter doesn’t end up puking all night. She’s been sound asleep for a while. Praying she sleeps it off. Gosh, it’s awful when your kids are sick.

I’ll try and be better about keeping the blog up-to-date. I feel like it’s therapy for me.

Advertisements

Just Surviving

birthday

I feel like it’s an accomplishment that I survived today. We had a gymnastics birthday party for my daughter with 12 kids (other than mine) and it was hectic. I’m not sure what was funnier to me, the girl that wanted me to buy her a gymnastics outfit instead of giving her a gift bag, or that my mother-in-law said one inappropriate thing after another.

My neighbor was talking about a situation her older daughter is having with a co-worker and that she tried to talk to her boss about it, but nothing has been done. My mother-in-law blurted out, “Oh is he gay?”

I’m not sure how she draws conclusions. My brother-in-law and I had to walk away because we were laughing so hard. I used to spend time trying to explain to her that her comments could be taken as rude, insensitive, and inappropriate, but I gave up on that about 8 years ago. She isn’t going to change.

Tonight I’m fighting a headache. I’ve been able to stay on top of the pain, so it’s not bad, but I realized that I skipped taking my birth control pill last night and that always triggers a migraine for me. As soon as I realized it, I took the pill this afternoon, so I’m hoping between that and some over the counter meds that I don’t wake up with a bad headache tomorrow.

It’s bad enough that the temperature is going to be -14 tomorrow morning. I don’t need a migraine on top of dealing with that. The front of my thighs are hurting me tonight; one more than the other. I’m not sure what that’s about. Of course, my mind jumped to the fact that I work with the computer on my lap all day and it’s probably a tumor.

Tomorrow is also a school holiday and then we have a snow storm coming on Tuesday. At this rate, the kids will be in school until July.

So I need to get back on the diet wagon tomorrow. I am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I allowed myself to fail…again. Tomorrow begins a new week and I’m going to give it my all. I’m going to ignore the fact that I made banana bread today and that I’m likely the only one who will eat it. I need to get serious before it starts to get warm.

I was good about exercising last week, so I plan to keep that up. I didn’t do anything today and did plan to, but I got sucked into watching the Saturday Night Live Anniversary Special. It was great watching some of those older sketches with Phil Hartman, Chris Farley, Will Ferrell, etc.

I’ll get back to my elliptical that I hate tomorrow. It’s good for me, and I need to work up to a longer amount of time. We’ll see. I was thinking of pulling out my step and doing an old step class. I miss it. It was my favorite class to teach.

I need to get back to doing it a few times a week. It will break up the monotony to spending 30 minutes on the elliptical. It’s now 12:30 and I’m still wide awake. I’m going to have to take a half an Ambien to get some rest.

If you’re on the upper East Coast, try to stay warm.

Town Politics

angrycat4

I don’t like politics. I have my views, and I don’t shove them on anyone else, and I hate when people shove theirs on me. But national politics are very different than local politics. I live in a fairly small town in New England. Living about 8 miles from Sandy Hook Elementary School, our lives were forever changed by the massacre that occurred on 12/14/12. It also changed the things that area schools do to protect our children.

Our town is in a first with our First Selectman over money needed for special education. For those that have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I work for a nonprofit doing special education advocacy. Let’s put it this way, a town cannot simply decide not to fund special education, Unless, of course, they are willing to take on the lawsuits that will result from that decision of doing something against the law.

Our town’s Board of Education requested a special appropriation of money because they are over budget due to the need for long terms subs and special education. Our First Selectman and Board of Finance turned the other way and ignored a 1000-person signed petition for a town meeting. I’m going to be blunt…I think he’s a schmuck. Funny that no one on either of those boards have a child in the district.

So all of this is on my mind today. It wasn’t an eventful day overall, but it’s one that’s fairly pain-free, so I’m thankful for that. I’m just finding that my patience is thin. I snapped a lot at my kids today, and I hate when I’m like that. I’m just tired of the bickering and nastiness toward each other. Do you ever just need a break from your kids?

Maybe I sound like a horrible mother saying that, but sometimes I just need a break. I have three kids, two of whom have learning issues, and two of whom (not the same two) have ADHD. Homework is not easy, nor fun. I’m just crabby today.

For the first time I’m hoping for a snow delay tomorrow. I’m overbooked and that would clear my schedule. Also, I cheated on my diet terribly today. I mean, not just a little cheat. I found chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels…ate way too many. And, I had an ice cream sandwich. I never crave ice cream. It’s not really my thing. I enjoy it when I have some, but it’s nothing I go out of my way for.

My youngest daughter begged for them in the grocery store today, and I didn’t expect to have one, but I’ll admit…her’s looked delicious. So it’s back on the wagon tomorrow and I will be stepping up the exercise. I also wasn’t great about drinking the crazy amount of water today, and believe it or not, I’m finding I feel better drinking all that water.

I have more energy and I think I have less headaches. So, it’s back measuring my water intake. I need to find more willpower. I’m going to force myself to write down everything I eat. Maybe that will help.

Hoping you all had a pain-free day.

Storm Juno: A Bust!

Sleepy-puppies-9415133-1600-1200

Though the winds were howling most of the night, we only got about 7 inches of snow, compared to the 30 they were predicting. I know other areas of CT and MA got hit a lot harder, but luckily we were spared. As I mentioned, as long as we didn’t lose power, I didn’t care how much snow came down.

The kids have a 2 hour delay tomorrow, and I’m glad they opted to decide that tonight rather than wait until the morning. Because there is still a layer of snow and ice on the roads and it’s supposed to be like zero again tonight, it was a good call. The kids get to sleep in a little, so they are pleased.

It wasn’t a great day for my diet again, so tomorrow I’m going to buckle down and re-start. I’m beginning to think I have an addiction to sugar. I was feeling good with out it, and today I had a cookie and a brownie and it became difficult not to go back for more.

I did stick to my small meals and shakes, though. Dinner was chicken sauteed with onions, mushrooms, spinach, and kale in a wine sauce. My portion was decent so it’s a start. I’m making the decision not to get down on myself about it. I workout out tonight and did a lot of arms and abs because my class was snowed out this morning.

Tomorrow I plan to get back on my strict routine, and I’m prepare for the first two days to be tough again with my sugar cravings. I’m ready.

Today was also a little more difficult with my fibromyalgia and/or rheumatoid arthritis. My hands were very stiff, as were my hips and back. I was able to take a nap with everyone home, which is shocking, but the kids were fantastic all day. I know I’m lucky. My older daughter really wanted to bake, so that’s why there were brownies in the first place.

She’s been into cooking lately, I just wish she’d eat more. This sounds hilarious but today she tried a sandwich for the first time. For whatever reason, the kid never ate bread until recently. I have to pack turkey or ham with no bread for her lunch, so this is a huge breakthrough.

I’m ready for bed early tonight, and I can only blame the exhaustion on the fibro. I didn’t do enough today to be tired, but for some reason I really am. I think as a mom, you just get used to ignoring when you feel tired. I don’t know a mom out there that isn’t exhausted, but it is a different type of exhaustion with an autoimmune disease. I can feel my body saying rest now or pay for it later.

I push sometimes when there is something I really want to do, but in this case, I’m just and relaxing. There will be time to finish up things tomorrow (while I’m dealing with being hungry).

I hope you all survived Storm Juno unscathed. I could use some positive vibes for getting back on track with my Ideal Shape tomorrow. I need to do this.

I Cheated

Wish I Was There Instead of Here

Wish I Was There Instead of Here

They are calling it the possibly one of the worst storms in history. My kids are home, possibly through Wednesday and I ate three cookies and a handful of potato chips today. I learned it’s much harder to stick to my diet with them home. I’m back on the wagon tomorrow.

The wind is really starting to pick up here. I’m not sure how much snow we have, but the roads were looking bad around 5pm. The state put a ban on all travel on roads except emergency vehicles. I’m taking that as a sign that it’s pretty bad.

As long as I don’t lose power, I’m fine being stuck snowed in for a few days. I’m just stressed with the high winds and heavy snow that we might lose a tree and knock wires down.

Surprisingly, my pain level is pretty good today. I did not go outside, other than to carry in some wood for the wood stove. The kids went sledding and I watched from the sliding glass door and had hot cocoa ready. I have a feeling that they are going to try and talk me into sledding tomorrow and that’s when it all could go downhill.

Today would have been my mom’s 72nd birthday. It’s funny, some years it hits me really hard and others not. I didn’t get emotional today, but I think that might be because I let it all out last week after a talk with my son about her. My life would have turned out so different had she lived. I can’t even imagine what my like would be like with her here. Actually, I think I’m going to have a more difficult time with my own birthday this year.

I’m turning the age that she was when she died–43. I remember at 14 and everyone was telling me how young she was. But now I see it. I don’t feel old. I can’t imagine preparing to die and leave my children. I just wonder who she had to talk to during that time. She had her mother and my step-father, I guess. I just don’t know how she did it.

Onto a lesser intense subject. I’m watching The Bachelor. Dear lord! Some of these women have no respect for themselves. Okay, all of them. You don’t compete for a man! I admit to watching because of the psycho people. It makes it a little fun, but I’m not liking this guy too much.

Hopefully I’ll have something more inspiring to talk about tomorrow. It was such a quiet day here. I hope everyone in the Northeast stays safe in this storm.

 

Still Dieting

snow

It’s day 4 of my Ideal Shape diet. Yesterday was easy, but today I had to go to brunch for a family event. I probably ate more at that one meal than I would have if I were home, but I skipped an extra meal today and only had four. I’m probably not supposed to do that, but I really wasn’t hungry.

Interestingly, what is the most difficult is getting all the water in. That’s a LOT of water, definitely way more than I’m used to drinking. I’m wondering if my headaches will improve a bit with all the extra water. My brother-in-law is a neurologist and he always said dehydration is a major cause for headaches.

I got to go to dinner last night with an old friend and that was good therapy for me. She is one of my oldest friends. We met in kindergarten. I think I needed the therapy session with someone who knew my mother. We went through a lot around the same time, first with my mother being sick and dying of cancer, and then she had her own family issues a year or two later.

When you’ve known someone that long, inevitably you have a lot to reminisce and laugh about. It was a good night.

We are now expecting a huge snow storm. Depending on who you listen to, it’s either starting tomorrow morning or after 5pm. They keep moving it up…and increasing the amount of snow we’re supposed to get. I stopped listening when the amounts were over 18 inches.

I braved the grocery store with all the nuts getting their bread and milk this evening. I like to cook when we’re snowed in, so I bought a roast and snacks for the kids. And, I stocked up on cat treats for the furry children. Heaven forbid they go without.

I don’t mind the snow when I have nowhere to go. It’s kind of nice being snowed in, as long as we don’t lose power. Our electric company has already sent a robocall about power outages. So basically, people are going insane.

Typically we don’t lose power that often. We survived Hurricane Sandy with only a few flickers, but everyone else on our road was out for over a week. We’re on a different power circuit (that’s about as technical as I get). We do have a wood stove, so that will help should we lose power. I have my crocheting, board games, cards, etc. We’ll keep busy.

I just signed up for Netflix. I might possibly be the only person that hasn’t joined until now. I’m hoping that will be something the kids and I can do tomorrow. I was looking all over for the movie West Side Story to show it to my daughter. She’s all into musicals and I know she’d love it.

So that’s the plan for Snowpacalyse. Stay tuned. Hopefully I can survive baking cookies, etc. with my diet!

 

Diet: Day 1

strawberry-shake

I’m still alive…a little hungry, but still alive. My Ideal Shape order came today and I’m pleased to say, so far everything tastes really good. I bought a supplement that goes along with the program and I think tomorrow I will take it in the afternoon because I’m feeling way too much energy for the night. It might be an Ambien night over here.

I was able to stick to the program and drink all the water I was supposed to. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom from all the water, but other than that, it was all good. I was trying to go to bed without a snack, but I was pretty hungry so  had a gluten-free rice cake with peanut butter and so far so good.

I think I’m just excited to get started. Tomorrow I will step on the scale so I can get back to weighing myself weekly. I’m not looking forward to that, but I need to do it.

My migraine from last night lasted well into the day. I actually had to lay down with the TENS unit running to loosen the muscles in my neck. I was able to kick it for the most part, but it definitely affected the majority of my day. I’m trying to get another round of editing done for the last book I have on my plate this week. I believe two of them will come back for another round and final proofing, but it was a good feeling to completely finish a military fiction novel.

I had a tough time getting into the novel at first, as military fiction is not really my thing, but much to my surprise, I love the way it turned out. I really got into the story, and the author is such a fascinating veteran. It’s always a great feeling to finish a book, but I get a little weird about it…like I’m afraid to let it go. No matter how many times I read something, I always want to make little changes. It’s hard to say, “This is done.”

The three novels I was working on this week are all very good. I’m excited for the authors. It’s nice to be a small part of their book. I did let one almost-client know that I didn’t want to work with her…something that isn’t easy for me. I edited a sample chapter and she sent it back saying that she didn’t want to add commas (I added commas) because they are “obsolete.” That was enough to send me over the edge, so I told her I didn’t think we were a good match.

Earlier in my career I would take on any author. I thought I could help anyone, but I’ve learned to not take on people that I don’t get along with on a personal level…and especially not someone who thinks punctuation is becoming obsolete. I almost had to pop a Xanax!

The other thing I accomplished today was doing a resume for my daughter. Did I mention she was 9? I felt a bit like a freaky stage mom, but she wants to try out for a part in The Sound of Music next month and they require a resume and headshot. I’ll be taking pictures this weekend. I’m ridiculously proud of her that she is eager to try out for a part. She is so she and gets so nervous. I just give her so much credit for even trying.

She was pretty disappointed that she didn’t get a role in her school’s fourth grade play, but the thing is, she can really sing, but acting might be a struggle. Since she is so shy, I’m not sure how the audition went. She has a stutter sometimes, and I know that’s always on her mind when she’s speaking in public.

Anyway, she’s taking a class this weekend on how to audition and I’m hoping this helps her. Part of the problem is that she is not a competitive kid…at all. She needs to be a little more competitive if she wants to do plays, but if it doesn’t happen for her this year, she will get there. This is a kid who didn’t talk to anyone in kindergarten for several months because she was so shy. The fact that she’s auditioning at all is so huge. I just want her to get a role so she builds confidence in herself, even a small role.

So she’ll be auditioning for the part of the second youngest Von Trapp kid. Fingers crossed. I’ll probably be puking from nerves when she goes in to audition. Clearly she gets her fear and panic fro her mother.

I have a PPT for my son tomorrow that I’m starting to feel stressed about. If you don’t know what a PPT meeting is, chances are you do not have a child in special education. Two of my children are dyslexic, and tomorrow is my son’s annual meeting. Last time, we had to adjourn the meeting and I came back with my co-worker, who is an advocate. It’s funny, I attend PPTs with clients all the time, but when it’s your own child, it really helps to have someone else there with you that you feel is on your side. It often feels like an us against them thing.

Other than that, there isn’t much else going on here.

Okay, I’m back!

Four_Leaf_Clover_068

I haven’t blogged in over a month. I have thought about it a few times, actually quite a few, but life gets in the way. I’ve been editing four novels and that’s certainly taken up a good chunk of my time. Put that together with extreme cold weather, aches and pain, swollen joints, and three kids with their various daily activities, if I’m being honest, most of the time I’m just sleeping when my kids aren’t here.

Okay, maybe not every day, but there have been quite a few since Christmas that I worked right from bed with my heated blanket on me all day long. My hands don’t deal well with the severe cold temperatures we’ve been having in Connecticut. I know it’s much worse in other places in the country, so I’m trying not to complain, but moving to Arizona sounds darn good right about now.

I’m not sure why I chose tonight for my blog comeback. It was a non-eventful day up until about 5pm when water started coming out of my wall. My guess was the a pipe burst, but after watching the hubs cut through the ceiling and under my sink, only to find no leaks, we have no idea what the heck is going on.

My husband is very handy. The only thing he won’t do is electrical work. He’s stumped. The water is coming in from the outside wall. Of course the big fear is that my pool is on that wall, but I’m choosing to pop a xanax and not think about that. When we shut the water off to the house, the leak stopped, so it clearly has to do with our water/pipes. So tomorrow, we’ll call a plumber. Good times!

I overdid it today, and I wish I could say I ran a marathon or something. All I did was go food shopping and work on cleaning the house. I had a very emotional talk with my son tonight. He started asking me questions about when I found out my mom was sick, and if I knew she was going to die. He’s a very “deep” kid, so he asks a lot of questions. He wanted to know where I was when I found out she was going to die, where I was when she died, where she was, etc. It turned into a really long conversation and I was a bit emotional.

I remember not believing my mom was going to die. I was 14 and I did a whole lot of praying. I was telling my son that one memory that always stands out for me was when they had to call the ambulance for my mom for some reason. I heard her visiting nurse tell my step-father to make sure the kids said goodbye because she wasn’t sure if my mom would be coming home.

I spent that evening alone in my room crying. I don’t know why I didn’t call anyone. I had some wonderful friends. But I just remember feeling like I couldn’t talk.

Now I know what my son was getting at today. I have dreaded turning 43, the age my mom died, since I was 14. I assure him that I take care of myself and get all the necessary checkups, I think he knows that this year is hard for me. I’m turning the age that my mom was when she died. I’m outliving the years the my mom had. It’s a very strange feeling.

I’ve always been concerned that I’d die at 43 so I think I’m just not celebrating my birthday this year. I always love March and love my birthday, but this year will be low-key. Next year, God willing, I will have a celebration.

The conversation with my son was the first time in a really long time that I had really talked about what it was like for me when my mom was so sick. It’s funny that I’m 42 and I still can’t get through that without crying. Not crazy, hysterics, but tears. I miss my mom, and growing up without a mom during your teenage years sucks. Let alone not having her help me with my wedding or seeing her as a grandmother. All of that stuff gets me emotional.

Tonight’s blog photo, the four-leaf clover, is for my mom. My mom was one of the smartest and funniest people I ever met. She had this really weird ability of finding four leaf clovers. We’d be going for a walk and she’d just find one. We pressed them all into a photo album. I was just thinking about that and wishing I still had it.

So between being a bit emotionally drained, and having a lot of pain in my back and hip, I’m done for the day. There’s just one problem…I have an auction on eBay that ends at 12:20AM. It’s stupid and I don’t need it, but you know when you see something at a store and love it, but think…eh, I can’t do it today, maybe next time. Then you think about that thing and go back and it’s gone?

I collect crazy nutcrackers. Yes, I have a few soldiers, but the majority of them are silly like hockey players with blacked out teeth, a bagpiper, a leprechaun, etc. Anyway, I saw this sushi maker nutcracker with a tray of sushi a few years ago at Home Goods. Never, ever leave Home Goods without getting what you like because it likely won’t be there the next time you go (with the exception of my fantastic 4-foot iron flamingo).

I did a lot of Christmas shopping online, and so I put a saved search in eBay to see if one comes up. Well, much to my surprise, someone put one on for sale this week. Right now he’s at $20, but the same person increased their bid. I’m forcing myself to stay up until midnight (not like I really fall asleep before then, but Ambien is out of the question tonight). I must win the sushi guy!

Anyway, that’s a quick recap of my month. The last time I wrote something was during tech week for The Nutcracker, and both of my girls did so well. I was a super proud mama!

Stay tuned tomorrow for an update on my new weight loss quest. I’m researching plans. I need something idiot proof, so if anyone has a good recommendation, please share.

Need Some Prayers for Tomorrow

enhanced-buzz-7788-1400603203-27

Ok, here’s the deal…tomorrow is my follow-up PPT. If you don’t know what that is, I’m going to need you to review, LOL! Quick recap: my son has dyslexia. He is on the Honor Roll at school. Big YAY! He did not meet one of his IEP (Individualized Education Plan) goals for the year. Big Boo! Actually that’s more than a boo! The school actually has to answer to the state for note meeting their own goals, and they had every opportunity to meet with me at any point during the year to revise them or change services, etc., but instead they treated me like an idiot and merely tired to not let on that he didn’t meet all his goals.

So tomorrow we go back to finish the PPT with my advocate. Oh my advocate! God bless him! He sent an agenda. This in itself had me laugh with picture in my head of the special education teacher scrambling to come up with data that they were legally supposed to have collected throughout the year, that we all know they didn’t do. It should be interesting, but I’m truly very stressed about it. The main thing isn’t proving that the school fucked up, it’s getting my son appropriate services that are actually going to help him.

The kid shouldn’t have to spend three hours on homework that other kids spend one hour on. He needs help, and it’s my job as the mom to fight for my son’s education. The good news is I’m going in with the big guns, in that my advocate is a wealth of knowledge. He’s calm and soft spoken, but he knows special education law inside out. I know I’m in good hands having him at my side.

I’m opted to take a half an Ambien tonight because I’m so wound up about the meeting that I know I won’t sleep. I just want it all to turn out well for my son. The school really screwed up and failed him this year, and I won’t let that happen again.

And for those of you waiting with baited breath I lost three freakin pounds. I was royally disappointed this morning. It’s ten total from my heaviest, but I was hoping for four or five. I’m not giving up. One week down and I’m on to week two. Slow and steady…still hoping for five pounds this week. A girl can dream.

My hands have been pretty stiff today and my legs and lower back have been bothering me. While the weather has been really nice, I think my exhaustion is getting the better of me and I just want to sleep. If you could send me some positive thoughts at 8AM tomorrow, I sure would appreciate it.

 

 

 

Diet Day One…I’m Hungry

5600803415_98fafb2f88_m

So it’s Day One of my Take Shape for Life/MediFast Diet. Here is what I have learned so far. The oatmeal has a weird consistency, but it was okay. The bars are quite good, especially the mint chocolate one. I could eat quite a lot for dinner. I made chicken with broccoli and cauliflower. I finished my day with another bar and then what I thought was mint chocolate pudding, but I think it was supposed to be more along the line of soft serve ice cream made with crushed ice and cold water. It was more like a cold pudding, but I enjoyed it.

Honestly, I wasn’t hungry today, even though my coach (who happens to be a girl that I know) said I would be…until now. It’s 11PM and I’m hungry. I’m drinking water. I may go for a cup of tea, which might be more filling, but boy could I go for a snack. A cookie. A chip. I few cherries or raspberries. But, I’m going to stick to the plan. My coach told me that the first three days are the most difficult.

Beyond the first month to jump start my weight loss, what I can see myself doing is continuing with the nutrition bars. It just seems so easy to have those on hand when I’m out and about, or even when I’m home working. Eventually I will move to more homemade meals, but the bars will serve as snacks and breakfast, since I’m not much of a breakfast person.

Anyway, the point it I made it. It sounds silly, but one day at a time. Tomorrow I will weigh myself because I completely forgot to do it today. I’ve been so darn busy, I haven’t done anything but work, prepare for war with the school district, and be a chauffeur for my kids. Tomorrow after I finally get this novel off my desk for good, I’m going to do laundry and take a nap.

The good news is that I’m feeling good. I’m not sure if I mentioned that my doctor also lowered my dose of Celexa to 10mg to see if that might be adding to my weight gain. I’m surprised to report that I haven’t noticed any difference in terms of my anxiety. A few months ago when I tried to go off of the 20mg without consulting my doctor (or maybe it was the 40mg…I’m not sure) I had huge mood swings and scared the crap out of my kids while searching for a memory card for the camera. I can laugh about it now, but at the time, it was like my world was ending because nothing was ever in its place and no one care about my stuff, etc. It was ugly. I could feel the rage and I knew it wasn’t a good thing. This time around, I actually asked my doctor before going off the medicine and we reduced the med to 10mg for a month first.

If I find that I’m doing well and the weight comes off, my first instinct would be to stay at 10mg for a little why, thought she said I could try things without it after a month. We’ll see how I feel in a month. So that’s the good news. The other good news to report is that my pain less has also been decent. Aside from the pins and needles, which come and go randomly, the warmer weather has really been a blessing.

Not to have to sit with heating pads and constantly warm my ice cold hands is beyond priceless. I think the rest of the week is supposed to rain, so who knows what that will bring, but for now I’m enjoying the warm weather and sunshine.

Previous Older Entries