Blogging Is Hard

wonka

 

I’ve written about 10 blogs since my last post. Most were about how hellish it was waiting for my genetic testing results. I decided they were all too boring and never posted them because I was whining. They told me the tests would take 3–5 weeks and I tried to be optimistic, which is not my strong point. I told myself I’d get the call in 3 weeks…then 4…then 5. Then I called to see if there was a problem, but nope. They just weren’t back yet.

Seven weeks later I got the call while I was teaching a class but I saw it was the hospital and answered it anyway. Happily I can report that my genetic testing is fine. I did not have the BRCA gene mutations or any of the other mutations they tested for. This was a HUGE relief.

I attributed my horrific anxiety to the waiting. Though I can’t say it was on my mind all the time, I figure subconsciously it was adding stress. I was waking up with panic attacks and that panic feeling would last all day unless I took a Xanax. I tried everything. Running (well as much as a girl with rheumatoid arthritis can run) did help.

I have one of those Couch to 5K apps and though I’m at a point where the running intervals are too long for me, I still keep going , or at least I was until the last two weeks. We’ve had temperatures over 90 every day and running doesn’t even remotely sound like fun. Instead, I spend 30 minutes swimming laps (again…RA girl, not a strong swimmer, sometimes with a damn pool noodle but kicking my legs the whole time and moving my arms). It’s enough to get my heart rate up and I’m doing something.

Even with that and the relief of my genetic testing news, I’m still struggling with my anxiety. I’ll hear the smallest thing and that will be it. Or sometimes it’s nothing specific and it will just come on out of nowhere.

I’ve been into my essential oils. I don’t want any of my doTerra friends to jump on me here because I love my doTerra oils, but I’m a broke girl…I found a few blends online that I have been diffusing that I think have really helped with my anxiety and they are like $4. I do think there is a correlation between scent and the mind. It doesn’t take the anxiety away, but it helps me.

My vent of the evening is probably one most people have at the moment. Have you had enough of people arguing politics on Facebook, Twitter, etc.? I try to stay out of it. Our country is in a scary place right now and I try and listen with an open mind when people talk. I can’t stand people who are so far in either direction that they can’t have a conversation and listen to someone else’s views. If that’s you, you are part of the problem. We need to get back to being able to listen and disagree without all hell breaking loose.

The Internet changed that for us. Memes changed that for us. We never had Bush/Clinton?Perot memes, but boy some of those would have been funny.

I have one Facebook friend who endlessly posts anti-Muslim things. I try to understand where it’s coming from and it’s a place of fear. She’s afraid for herself, her family, her country. I understand the fear. I don’t understand blaming an entire religion when we have many Muslim Americans fighting in our military against ISIS.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been political on this blog. I’ll probably get a slew of mean comments, and I guess that’s okay. People have their strong beliefs on what needs to be done. I’m one of those people that is somewhere in the middle. I think we have two crappy choices and need to decide who will be the lesser of the evils.

Maybe they are both great people. I am just not sure I think someone who gets into a 7 or tweet Twitter war with a celebrity in charge of when we declare war. On the flip side, there are huge trust issues with Hillary and I’m not sure she brings the kind of strong arm protection we need as a country right now.

What I’m trying to say is I have no freakin idea and I’m going to watch each and every debate. But anyone who thinks they are changing someone’s opinion with a meme on Facebook, I’m sorry. You are making yourself feel better about your decisions. That’s all.

So RA? How’s that? Well me sed rate is down. My C reactive protein is down so all that is good. Overall I feel well. It’s the summer. I do better in the warmth. I can swim, which helps. I have had a few days of stiffness and pain where I’ve needed some pain medication, but very little more than muscle relaxers and Alleve. I’m counting my blessings and taking the reprieve from the intense pain for as long as I can.

I hope my autoimmune friends are all doing well too!

 

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Just Surviving

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I feel like it’s an accomplishment that I survived today. We had a gymnastics birthday party for my daughter with 12 kids (other than mine) and it was hectic. I’m not sure what was funnier to me, the girl that wanted me to buy her a gymnastics outfit instead of giving her a gift bag, or that my mother-in-law said one inappropriate thing after another.

My neighbor was talking about a situation her older daughter is having with a co-worker and that she tried to talk to her boss about it, but nothing has been done. My mother-in-law blurted out, “Oh is he gay?”

I’m not sure how she draws conclusions. My brother-in-law and I had to walk away because we were laughing so hard. I used to spend time trying to explain to her that her comments could be taken as rude, insensitive, and inappropriate, but I gave up on that about 8 years ago. She isn’t going to change.

Tonight I’m fighting a headache. I’ve been able to stay on top of the pain, so it’s not bad, but I realized that I skipped taking my birth control pill last night and that always triggers a migraine for me. As soon as I realized it, I took the pill this afternoon, so I’m hoping between that and some over the counter meds that I don’t wake up with a bad headache tomorrow.

It’s bad enough that the temperature is going to be -14 tomorrow morning. I don’t need a migraine on top of dealing with that. The front of my thighs are hurting me tonight; one more than the other. I’m not sure what that’s about. Of course, my mind jumped to the fact that I work with the computer on my lap all day and it’s probably a tumor.

Tomorrow is also a school holiday and then we have a snow storm coming on Tuesday. At this rate, the kids will be in school until July.

So I need to get back on the diet wagon tomorrow. I am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I allowed myself to fail…again. Tomorrow begins a new week and I’m going to give it my all. I’m going to ignore the fact that I made banana bread today and that I’m likely the only one who will eat it. I need to get serious before it starts to get warm.

I was good about exercising last week, so I plan to keep that up. I didn’t do anything today and did plan to, but I got sucked into watching the Saturday Night Live Anniversary Special. It was great watching some of those older sketches with Phil Hartman, Chris Farley, Will Ferrell, etc.

I’ll get back to my elliptical that I hate tomorrow. It’s good for me, and I need to work up to a longer amount of time. We’ll see. I was thinking of pulling out my step and doing an old step class. I miss it. It was my favorite class to teach.

I need to get back to doing it a few times a week. It will break up the monotony to spending 30 minutes on the elliptical. It’s now 12:30 and I’m still wide awake. I’m going to have to take a half an Ambien to get some rest.

If you’re on the upper East Coast, try to stay warm.

Happy Children Equal Happy Mom

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Today is the day. The day I spent waiting for the phone to ring with our Nutcracker results. The call came in at 10:50 and like any neurotic mom, I answered on the first ring, trying to sound casual. The results were in! My older daughter is a Lead Angel (a newly created role) and a Ginger Clown, and my younger daughter is a Scurry Mouse and an Angel. My younger daughter got exactly what she was hoping for. My older daughter didn’t get the roles she was hoping for, but I had a feeling she was going to be excited because I knew the main thing was she wanted to be in something other than the Battle scene this year.

She was a soldier and an angel last year, so she was so excited to be named a lead angel, even though we have know idea what a lead angel does, and the ginger clowns get to run and be silly, and I have a feeling she got that because she did a really great cartwheel as her audition trick and a lot of the ginger clowns do cartwheels. So, thankfully, there was a lot of happiness and joy in my house this afternoon!

My niece is also a Scurry Mouse and an Angel, which is, well…I guess good. The girls are happy. I just think of the Nutcracker as my thing to do with my girls. I’m bitchy that way. The in-laws always hated the Nutcracker until my niece did it. My mother-in-law fell asleep during my older daughter’s first performance. I had to tell my husband to wake her up before my daughter went on stage.

I wish I can say I kept to my workout regimen and did some cardio today, but I did teach a really tough class with a lot of lunges. I just didn’t have the energy to do cardio today. I’ll get back on it tomorrow with a long walk, and possibly attempt the hills again since my shins seemed better today. I did a lot of shin warmups and stretches.

Tonight is significantly colder than it has been the past few nights. I bought myself a new heated throw blanket, but I haven’t put it on the bed yet. I have my heating pad in my low back, and I used it on my hands this morning. I’m managing. I just feel like I can’t stand saying that. I’m managing. Is that the way you get through the day, too? I mean, it’s not that I never have a good day. I have good days, but I don’t remember the last time I had a completely pain-free day. It comes down to whether the pain is manageable or not.

I can see where people with autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, lupus, etc. suffer from depression. It’s not easy feeling like crap day-in and day-out. I mean, I have days where I’m thinking, wow–I’m good enough to go for a long walk, but that doesn’t mean my hands aren’t hurting or my hip isn’t bothering me. It just means the pain isn’t so severe that I can’t do anything. I think that’s where most people get confused. First of all, it all goes back to the fact that people with autoimmune issues look fine, for the most part (unless I’m using my flamingo cane!). On the average day I may have a small limp, but it’s unlikely anyone would really notice.

I don’t discuss my RA, Raynaud’s or fibro 24/7. I blog here to get my autoimmune thoughts out, but I don’t discuss it all day. The real reason behind that is so few people really understand anyway. I have my Facebook support groups, and people that I know who are dealing with autoimmune issues, but other than that, people sympathize, but they don’t really get it.

I didn’t intend to have an autoimmune rant tonight, but that’s kind of what this has turned into. Sorry about that. Sometimes you just need to let it out. I think I was more let down by my own body yesterday when I wanted to jog and I could hardly walk the track. Tomorrow is a new day. I had a lot of positives today and I’m so thankful for that. Happy kids equal a very happy mom! It meant the world to see my girls so thrilled about their Nutcracker roles. Everything else was secondary.

Survived the Wedding

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I may have looked like a turquoise sausage, but I made it through the wedding without any wardrobe malfunctions. The girls stayed in place. I certainly wasn’t what you would call comfortable…not by a long shot, but I made it! It was a beautiful day. My friend looked gorgeous, and everything about her day was beautiful. That’s what really mattered.

Getting in and out of the limo was a bit of a fiasco, but I was not the only one was dress issues so I felt a little better. Then, I felt even better when I finally got to take the dress off and realized that the damn bridal salon ordered me the wrong size. So let me clarify. I’m still way overweight, but I’m no more overweight than I was when they measured me. They said they usually order the dress one size larger than you measure at, and mine was ordered one size smaller.

I never thought to look at the size because there wasn’t much I could do about it a week before the wedding, but with my issues with trying to lose weight, I just assumed it was me. I will say it was hard seeing myself today. I did not feel good at all. It’s just getting very hard because I’ve been doing all the right things…for weeks. Nothing is happening, and I just don’t get it.

I suppose I should do more cardio exercise, but that’s the thing I struggle the most with. My stamina sucks right now. I do better with a walk outside than I do on my elliptical, but I need to be more consistent about doing it. I’m sure I’m not the only person with rheumatoid arthritis or other autoimmune diseases that finds it difficult to want to do cardio exercise when their joints hurt. Honestly, I feel better doing yoga and light weights.

Not surprisingly after a day in heels, my feet are very swollen at the moment. It was worth it. I had very cute shoes, that actually were that high. I’m just not used to heels. I’m glad to be home with my feet up and that dress off. That was the first event in my life that I ever went bra-less. As a well-endowed girl…that’s not likely to happen again any time soon!

Off to bed!!

It’s Raining and Cold, But It’s a Better Day

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Last night was terrible. It was one of the worst migraine’s I’ve had in a really long time. Nothing took the pain away except the ice on the back of my neck. It was awful, but thankfully when I woke up it was gone. I was left exhausted. It really knocked me out, but thankfully pain-free. I can’t even put into words what I felt like last night. I think my poor son was scared. He sat with me and just held my hand while I laid down with ice on my head. For some reason, he felt that was a good time to tell me his feeling about something going on in his life and you would think that would have been the worst timing ever, but when you’re a mom, and your baby needs to talk, you listen.

That’s actually all he really wanted was for me to listen. My son is a worrier, a lot like his mama. He needs to sort out his feelings a lot and I think it’s awesome that he feels like he can talk to me about anything. He knows I don’t judge his feelings, and for the most part I think I give decent advice. After he talked we just sat in silence for a while and before he went to bed he said, “Mom, even when you’re sick you never stop being my mom.”

I’m so glad they know that. I try so hard not to let my autoimmune diseases and migraines get in the way of being a parent, but let’s be honest, some days it’s really hard. Last night was awful. I wanted to bang my head into a wall at one point, but what my son really noticed was that I had the time to listen to him, so that’s what matters the most.

My kids are home for spring break and they are very close to being given away buy one, get two free! They are loud, annoying, and holy crap, they never stop eating! I cooked more food today than I think I eat in a week. I sent my son to his room around 8pm after he called his sister chubby, which doesn’t fly in my world. First of all, my girls are toothpicks, and second, crap like that does way too much damage to little girls. It is not tolerated at all. At the moment, he’s claiming to be starving to death, but I’m pretty sure after five pieces of French toast, three scrambled eggs, three cupcakes, peanut butter sandwiches, blueberries, grapes, popcorn, pasta with sauce, and pizza bagels consumed by him since 9AM, I’m fairly sure he’s going to make it through until morning.

At the moment I’m just plain irritated. I need to go to sleep. I’m thankful my headache is gone, and trying not to complain, but today kind of sucked. It was 75 degrees here two days ago? Today it’s rainy and cold again. I know I live in New England, but this is ridiculous. Pick a temperature! This is messing with my rheumatoid arthritis big time. My joints don’t know what to think.

The damp cold meant a lot of stiffness today, but I made it through my class okay this morning. I wasn’t up to doing my elliptical and it wasn’t walking weather, so that’s all the exercise I got. I did help my friend make chocolate wedding favors for the wedding that I’m in on May 3rd. Wow, that’s coming up quick and I haven’t lost any of the weight I wanted to lose. I have to make peace with it.

I’ve been eating well and not snacking as much, and I’ll weigh myself again in a day or two. If the weight is still going up, I’ll call my doctor and make the decision to do the CAT scan as she recommended. I’m eating healthy and exercising. She did mention pre-menopause, but dear lord, could that make me gain this much weight? I just don’t think this is normal.

Anyway, I have my cats, and they didn’t drive me nuts today, so that’s a plus! Right now I hear sleet hitting my bedroom window and I can hardly believe I was in shorts two days ago. This is crazy! I was just starting to feel good with the sunshine and warmth, well aside from the migraine.

And to be even more random this evening…I’m watching Wife Swap. Oh my! Jermaine Jackson is on and one of the Baldwin guys…I think Daniel. I’m cracking up at Jermaine. Is he really still a famous person? And why does he have a better wardrobe than I do? He has more shoes than I’ve ever owned in my life.

Last offbeat news of the evening, tomorrow night I’m scheduled to have a reading by a medium. I’m not even sure I’m prepared for this. In fact, I know I’m not. I thought about canceling it today. There is such a huge part of me that wants to hear from my mom; that wants to believe it’s real. I don’t know what to believe or if I’ll believe it because I want to believe it. Will I back out during the day? I just don’t know!! You’ll have to stay tuned tomorrow and find out. I’m supposed to have my reading at 9pm tomorrow, so the blog will be posted after that…once I compose myself. Hopefully I won’t be a blubbering mess. HAHA!

 

 

All in the Day of a Mom

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Another day of waking up nauseous, but it faded pretty quick this time. I was able to teach a killer class that involved walking lunges, wall sits, abs with weights, dead lifts, and crazy planks with weights. Needless to say, I wasn’t in too much pain this morning, and I was able to do a lot more than usual. It was one of the first mornings in a while that I was able to grasp my hands around 8lb weights without feeling like my hands were going to drop them at any moment.

Needless to say, I had a lot of fun with my this morning, and that set the tone for my day. It was a busy day and I didn’t have a lot of time to relax, so it was lucky that I felt pretty good. I had to pick my son up early for a doctor’s appointment, only to find out that he fell at recess and hurt his arm. Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but of all of my children, my son is the one I refer to (behind his back) as Sophia Loren. Any injury leads to his Oscar reel performance of pain and suffering, so he gets into the car with his sweatshirt tied around his arm like a sling.

He explained what happened an I did notice a bit of swelling, so I got irritated that I had to hear it from him and not the nurse. I went into Mamabear mode and called the school nurse who said she didn’t notice any swelling, which is why she didn’t call me, but she did give him Advil for the pain. We were on our way to his monthly therapy appointment for his ADD meds and one would have thought his arm might fall off from pain.

He wanted to go to the doctor, but being the wonderful mom that I am, I explained that I had to take an online webinar from 3-4:30 today that I could not get out of. I told him we’d go home and ice it, and if it still bothered him at 4:30 we’d go get an xray. By the time 4:30 rolled around he wanted a cast, but I reminded him that he had baseball tryouts on Saturday and that it was his left arm (he’s a lefty). He got quiet, and thought for a while.

“What if they just give me a sling?”

“Then you can’t tryout for travel baseball, and we should probably cancel your sleepover tomorrow night since you’re in so much pain.”

…silence…

A short while later, shockingly, he felt a lot better! He thinks it was the Advil, I’m thinking it was the threat of losing the sleepover. Now I’m going to feel like the worst mom ever if his arm is broken, but I really think he’s fine.

The only thing I missed out on today was my walk. Although I taught I good class this morning, I didn’t get to any cardio exercise today. I’ll try and do something more tomorrow. What I’m finding difficult is not have a snack at night. I’m eating reasonable, small portions during the day, but if I eat at 5:30-6pm I’m hungry at 8:30-9pm. Tonight I had a rice cake with peanut butter…then I had a small bowl of cereal. Now I’m stuffed.

I could have done without the damn cereal. Tomorrow’s goal is not to have anything but one rice cake with peanut butter after dinner. I am also trying to wait until I’m really hungry to eat. I think I eat because I’m supposed to eat, not because I’m really hungry. I’m working on that too.

Now that it’s the end of the day, I’m pretty sore. My knees are more than pretty sore, which might be the RA and it might be the lunges (or a combination). The rest of me is just very stiff. After I’ve been sitting a while, it’s so difficult to get up and walk. I’m hunched over and holding onto a walk as I go down the hall. Let’s be honest — that just plain sucks!

Don’t forget to join our Facebook Autoimmune Mama Group for anyone suffering from an autoimmune disease. We’re off to a nice start, so please feel free to share the page with anyone you know that has rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, lupus, MS, MCTD, Raynaud’s Psoriasis, or any other autoimmune disease.

Also, don’t forget to email or send comments on the “best” bad comments you’ve received regarding your autoimmune disease. I’m compiling a list for an article and I know we’ve all heard some doozies at one time or another, whether it be the well-meaning advice, or someone who can relate because they have arthritis in their pinky toe 🙂 I want to hear your story! You can email me at autoimmunemama@gmail.com or comment on this article.

 

Where Is the Warm Weather?

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I’m not going to lie, today wasn’t my best. I woke up with a very upset stomach…pretty sure it was from the Topamax. If I remember correctly, I had an upset stomach for a few days when I started it the first time. Because of it, I missed out going to an World Autism Day event at out state capitol for work. It wasn’t a huge deal that I missed it, but I really wanted to go. Autism is something that I care deeply about. With many of my friends having children on the autism spectrum, and my work as a tutor to a person who is lower functioning autistic, it’s something that I am passionate about. I like to support this cause any chance I get.

There was I time when I felt that my son was on the spectrum, as he was a late talker and he didn’t point (one of the major milestones around the one year mark). I was a mad researcher and read everything I could get my hands on. As it turned out, he was developmentally delayed and was recently diagnosed with dyslexia, which explains a lot of his early childhood issues, but I have always cared very deeply about the issues with autism.

Instead of going to support the cause, I slept until about 11:30 and didn’t get much accomplished until after 2pm. I did however, get a walk in after dinner, and did some abs and some burpees. Whoever invented burpees should be tortured. Those are just plain awful. My joints are pretty stiff today so I couldn’t do as much as I did yesterday, but I was pleased to get in a walk and it was nice to be outside.

The other good news is my dog also has a weight problem so we’ll be working on this together. She looks like a fat sausage. She waits for the cats to finish eating and then clears their bowls every morning and night. I suppose it helps to have someone to diet with.

The other symptom I have from the Topamax is that I’m pretty tired. I remember that one lasting about a month. I’m trying to enjoy the fact that I feel tired in the evening and not just during the day. I’m wondering if I’ll actually fall asleep without the help of Ambien tonight.

I’m achy and exhausted, and I really hope tomorrow is better. Despite it being warmer, my hands haven’t quite noticed the temperature yet. They are still experiencing Raynaud’s and they are freezing like 85% of the time. My fingers are usually still puffy as well. I don’t remember it being that bad last year. I’m wondering if Raynaud’s is something that gets worse over time. Anyone have any insight?

Okay, well it’s a short blog tonight as I’m feeling exhausted and achy. I’m ready for my heating pads and grasp my hands around a hot cup of tea to soak up the warmth. I’m sure warm weather will be here soon right?

 

 

 

No Big News

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Well…I saw the doctor and I’m still fat. My last bloodwork was normal so we’re not talking an easy fix like thryoid levels. I just need to step up my exercise and cut my portions. She did mention that because my mom died at 43 of ovarian cancer, we technically don’t know what age she’d have start pre-menopause, so that could be contributing to things.

Because both my mother and grandmother had ovarian cancer, I am on a low dose of birth control to suppress ovarian function as recommended by my ob/gyn. This means I might not be noticing too many symptoms of pre-menopause. So, the first thing we decided is after a month of stepping up working out and dieting, if I don’t see any difference, we’re going to do a CAT scan to make sure there is nothing else going on.

There are no real symptoms other than bloating for ovarian cancer. I have a yearly ultrasound and in September my ovary “looked perfect” according to my doctor, so she really doesn’t think it’s that and she told me I need to stop stressing.

The other thing we discussed was my Celexa. There is the side effect of weight gain, but I have been on it for almost two years. I’m on a low dose and I feel good on it, so my first instinct was not to play around with it. The only change we did decide on was for me to go back on a daily dose of Topamax as a preventative for migraines. The only reason I went off of it was that when I initially was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and they were discussing methotrexate and higher level treatments, I panicked and didn’t want to be on so many medications on a daily basis.

I went through a really tough period with migraines, having about three per week and was put on Topamax, which really did lessen the frequency and severity of my terrible headaches. Don’t mock..but it also has the side effect of suppressing appetite, so let’s just say it can’t hurt my current situation.

It’s not that I wanted to hear something was wrong, but I wanted there to be an easy fix, and there isn’t. So I stepped everything up today and I need to make big changes and more time for exercise. Luckily it was a beautiful day and I took my overweight dog for a walk. I also taught a tough class this morning, and followed up with my elliptical and weights this evening.

I’m no fool. I know I won’t be able to do this much every day, but when I can, I need to. Getting outside for a 20 minute walk was wonderful therapy. Just to be in the sunshine was priceless. In terms of food, I do really well during the day,  it’s around this time that I get so hungry. I just had two rice cakes with peanut butter. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to get through the evening without snacking.

We did also talk about the welling in my hands and feet, and she did suggest trying a water pill when it gets bad. I’ll see how that goes. I’m taking one day at a time, and I’m happy to have been able to do as much as I did today.

And now an off-topic rant: a few weeks ago a young woman in our state was arrested for allegedly planning a school shooting. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I grew up in Sandy Hook and we live very close to the town now. I don’t take these threats lightly, but I also have strong belief that more needs to be done in our country about mental illness. Well, of course as I say there a few weeks ago thinking the absolute worst, I was glad that this crazy girl was stopped before she could hurt anyone. In fact, I still am.

So what changed? Tonight I realized that many years ago I met this year when she was about 5. My third or fourth cousin had just adopted her and another girl (not blood-related) from Russia. At the time she wasn’t aware of too many issues, but in an article I read tonight, that cousin was quoted as saying her daughter suffered from a mood disorder, personality disorder, ADHD, and had cut herself and attempted suicide.

I’m horrified at this news. Obviously we don’t know each other, but the article states that she stopped taking her medication and she is over 18. Maybe this isn’t the place for a rant, but heck, it’s my blog, and I really think as a country we need to do something about mental health care. I thank God that this girl and her boyfriend were stopped before they did any harm. I also pray her mother and grandmother as they try and put the pieces together and get her the help she desperately needs.

The whole situation just freaked me out. The incident in Sandy Hook changed my life forever. I remember every minute of that day and the fictitious facts were released bit by bit, and then the real story hit. I remember fearing for my children as we got the call that all schools in the area were on lockdown, And, I remember that feeling when my kids got off the bus that day. I pray for the parents whose children didn’t come home. This madness with school shootings needs to stop.

Ok, I’m off my soapbox.

 

It’s Not That Bad

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I had a decent night of sleep last night, and I think it helped me feel better today. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still thoroughly disgusted with how I look, but I’ve come to the realization that I need to see the doctor. I’ve been dieting and exercising for weeks and my weight is going up.

So…my To Do list for Monday involves making an appointment with the doctor. I thought a lot about it, and I realized I’m scared. My mom got sick with cancer at 41 and died at 43. The thought that there might be something wrong hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday and my first instinct was to push it aside. Then I stopped being selfish and decided if there is something wrong, I need to know about it. I can’t leave me kids…I mean, do you even realize the crazy people that would be taking care of them? For that reason alone, I need to take care of myself.

On top of that, I know what it’s like to grow up without a mom, and I promised my kids I’d do everything in my power to stay healthy. If my doctor comes back and says nothing is wrong, then so be it, and I just need to cut out all sugar for a while.

Today actually turned out better than I thought. I appreciate the kind messages on last night’s post. Sometimes in dealing with the craziness that is my in-laws, I start to think it’s me. I start to think I’m nuts, and then I’ll run it by someone and realize it’s not me in this case. I’m not perfect, and I’m sure I’ve said things that irk them, too, but I’m not mean.

I enjoyed my friend’s bridal shower today. This is her second chance at happiness. Her first marriage didn’t turn out so well, and the guy told her he didn’t want to have children. She couldn’t see her life without kids and that started their downward spiral. I’ll just put it out there and say he’s an ass. The good news is that she met someone who is so nice, and she looks so truly happy.

On the autoimmune front, my legs are super sore today. I am sure part of it is still from my class on Thursday morning, but my it’s rainy and damp, and that’s never a good combination with my rheumatoid arthritis. My hips hurt and I’m walking like an old lady again. It’s fitting since tomorrow is my birthday and I’ll be a little older….

I’ve decided to go get a mani/pedi with my girls in the morning and then I have no idea what we’re doing. I need to finish working on this website before it kills me. I forced myself to take a break and write a blog because I was afraid I was going to miss something important. I needed a break from the Spanish nutrition charts.

I’m supposed to have it finished my tomorrow, and I really hoped to be done tonight, but I’m not sure I’ll make it. Ok, break time is over…back to Spanish nutrition charts. I can’t top last night’s blog picture (which totally cracked me up) so I’m posting a damn nutrition chart because that’s how boring my night is!

Arthritis Gloves, I Love You

2012 Virgin Active Sports Industry Awards

I ordered a new pair of IMAK arthritis gloves and they arrived today. If you haven’t tried these, I have found them to be very helpful for pain, swelling, and keeping my hands warm. They aren’t like a lot of arthritis gloves, which are super tight, making it difficult to do daily tasks with them on. These are perfect for working on the computer, etc. They are a kind of spandex fabric that stays just tight enough to help with swelling.

And no, I’m not getting any kickbacks from IMAK. They are just something I recommend because they actually help me. This is my third pair as my daughters think they look “cool” and they lose them on me. So it’s the little things of today that made me happy. I got my hair cut and highlighted, and I was able to teach a tough class and use my elliptical machine.

Overall, I felt pretty darn good today, but I hit a wall around 6pm and started to get sore. I think it’s just regular end of day aches combined with a storm that was supposed to bring snow tonight, but now it’s sounding like we’re not getting much. Did I mention I’m done with snow and cold? I know I have!

I also picked up a new social media client, who, over the past 10 hours has driven me to pop a Xanax. I need to trust my instinct when I have a feeling someone is going to be a pain in the ass. He has called twice (with no real questions) and sent nine emails. NINE! I don’t see this ending well.

I try not to take on anyone that annoys me. It’s just best for everyone that way. I had a feeling and avoided him a few months ago, but then he called and caught me off guard saying he really wanted to work with me. Damn my kindness!

Anyway, today was not a bad day, so I’m thankful for that. I’m hoping to get a lot accomplished tomorrow, but we’ll see how it goes.

Has anyone been following the Oscar Pistorius trial? I have been following it on and off, but I think his fate was sealed today with the release of those text messages where Reeva said she was scared of him and that he was jealous of her talking to a friend’s husband. It’s probably not right to weigh in on it…but dammit, it’s my blog and I’ll give my opinion.

I don’t think it was premeditated, but he totally killed her in a rage. He had to get out of bed, put his prosthetic legs on and walk to the bathroom. Okay, here’s my problems with the story.

#1. Didn’t he realize Reeva wasn’t in bed when he got out of bed to check for the intruder?

#2. Would someone really shoot through a bathroom door without at least calling out to see who was in there?

#3. He shot 5 times. She was screaming and you can’t tell me he didn’t recognize her voice.

#4. While 95% of their text mails were loving, both of their texts on one particular day alluded to him being jealous of her talking to other men. I’m not sure if he had a complex thinking she was going to leave me, or what…but clearly he was worried about her enough to freak out about her talking to other people.

I should have been a legal analyst! I get wrapped up in following some of these cases and sometimes I’m more than surprised at how they turn out. Look at Casey Anthony. Who saw that coming? I didn’t, but after listening to all the legal experts talking after the trial, I understood the jury’s decision. I will never understand the jury for O.J. Simpson’s trial, but that’s a whole other story.

Please feel free to weigh in. We could be our own little group of Nancy Graces (with better hair).

 

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