It Warmed Up Outside Today, Someone Alert my Body

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I can’t get warm. My hands, fingers and feet are so cold they get numb. I wasn’t this bad all day, but right now it’s out of control. I have a heated blanket and a heating pad on full force.

I ended up taking all three kids to see Into the Woods today. Good news, my 7-year-old wasn’t scared at all. Most of the bad parts really weren’t shown. I had read the page on IMDB so I knew what to expect, but it wasn’t as violent as some people said.

I love my musicals so I enjoyed it. I wouldn’t say it was favorite ever, but it was cast well.

After that I had some running around to do before we ended up home around 7pm. My son is petrified to go to school tomorrow. He’s making a huge situation of a bad situations from last Friday. A boy, who my son thought is a good friend, asked him…no told him to go buy a snack for the boy.

Step #1 in the right direction, my son said no, rather than buy it so he can fit in. That’s a huge step. Well, when he said no, the boy got everyone else at the table to move, leaving my son alone. The issue is compounded because the dads are good friends and my son thinks the twins should be his best friends. They don’t see it that way.

He is afraid to take the bus and go to school, but we did some role playing on what he should say. I have him asking another boy on the bus to sit with him at lunch. I don’t like most of the kids he sits with anyway. It’s no skin off my back if he finds friends who treat him well. What more could I want for him

No one should feel like everyone hates them. I feel bad for him, but he does need to toughen up a little. He’s a deep thinker, but doesn’t always get when things are implied instead of said. He’s very literal. I just found out that I have a PPT for him this Friday. I need to go over all his testing to make sure they aren’t looking to drop him. Mamabear might need to come out a little.

I think they are afraid of me from last year. I’m very nice until I reach that point and then you need to step back. I’ve learned so much being a mommy to kids that are in special education programs. It could be a full-time job! I’m also lucky to help other families with these issues through a nonprofit. Being able to help families/children is the greatest feeling.

It’s week like this that I wish I could put my fibro and RA aside so I can get everything done, that would be awesome. It doesn’t work that way, though.

Anyway, tomorrow the kids are back to school. I have a morning conference call scheduled before my nap :). Then I have to finish editing a book, or hopefully two, but doubting I’ll get that far.

I hope you are enjoying a pain free evening.

 

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Okay, I’m back!

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I haven’t blogged in over a month. I have thought about it a few times, actually quite a few, but life gets in the way. I’ve been editing four novels and that’s certainly taken up a good chunk of my time. Put that together with extreme cold weather, aches and pain, swollen joints, and three kids with their various daily activities, if I’m being honest, most of the time I’m just sleeping when my kids aren’t here.

Okay, maybe not every day, but there have been quite a few since Christmas that I worked right from bed with my heated blanket on me all day long. My hands don’t deal well with the severe cold temperatures we’ve been having in Connecticut. I know it’s much worse in other places in the country, so I’m trying not to complain, but moving to Arizona sounds darn good right about now.

I’m not sure why I chose tonight for my blog comeback. It was a non-eventful day up until about 5pm when water started coming out of my wall. My guess was the a pipe burst, but after watching the hubs cut through the ceiling and under my sink, only to find no leaks, we have no idea what the heck is going on.

My husband is very handy. The only thing he won’t do is electrical work. He’s stumped. The water is coming in from the outside wall. Of course the big fear is that my pool is on that wall, but I’m choosing to pop a xanax and not think about that. When we shut the water off to the house, the leak stopped, so it clearly has to do with our water/pipes. So tomorrow, we’ll call a plumber. Good times!

I overdid it today, and I wish I could say I ran a marathon or something. All I did was go food shopping and work on cleaning the house. I had a very emotional talk with my son tonight. He started asking me questions about when I found out my mom was sick, and if I knew she was going to die. He’s a very “deep” kid, so he asks a lot of questions. He wanted to know where I was when I found out she was going to die, where I was when she died, where she was, etc. It turned into a really long conversation and I was a bit emotional.

I remember not believing my mom was going to die. I was 14 and I did a whole lot of praying. I was telling my son that one memory that always stands out for me was when they had to call the ambulance for my mom for some reason. I heard her visiting nurse tell my step-father to make sure the kids said goodbye because she wasn’t sure if my mom would be coming home.

I spent that evening alone in my room crying. I don’t know why I didn’t call anyone. I had some wonderful friends. But I just remember feeling like I couldn’t talk.

Now I know what my son was getting at today. I have dreaded turning 43, the age my mom died, since I was 14. I assure him that I take care of myself and get all the necessary checkups, I think he knows that this year is hard for me. I’m turning the age that my mom was when she died. I’m outliving the years the my mom had. It’s a very strange feeling.

I’ve always been concerned that I’d die at 43 so I think I’m just not celebrating my birthday this year. I always love March and love my birthday, but this year will be low-key. Next year, God willing, I will have a celebration.

The conversation with my son was the first time in a really long time that I had really talked about what it was like for me when my mom was so sick. It’s funny that I’m 42 and I still can’t get through that without crying. Not crazy, hysterics, but tears. I miss my mom, and growing up without a mom during your teenage years sucks. Let alone not having her help me with my wedding or seeing her as a grandmother. All of that stuff gets me emotional.

Tonight’s blog photo, the four-leaf clover, is for my mom. My mom was one of the smartest and funniest people I ever met. She had this really weird ability of finding four leaf clovers. We’d be going for a walk and she’d just find one. We pressed them all into a photo album. I was just thinking about that and wishing I still had it.

So between being a bit emotionally drained, and having a lot of pain in my back and hip, I’m done for the day. There’s just one problem…I have an auction on eBay that ends at 12:20AM. It’s stupid and I don’t need it, but you know when you see something at a store and love it, but think…eh, I can’t do it today, maybe next time. Then you think about that thing and go back and it’s gone?

I collect crazy nutcrackers. Yes, I have a few soldiers, but the majority of them are silly like hockey players with blacked out teeth, a bagpiper, a leprechaun, etc. Anyway, I saw this sushi maker nutcracker with a tray of sushi a few years ago at Home Goods. Never, ever leave Home Goods without getting what you like because it likely won’t be there the next time you go (with the exception of my fantastic 4-foot iron flamingo).

I did a lot of Christmas shopping online, and so I put a saved search in eBay to see if one comes up. Well, much to my surprise, someone put one on for sale this week. Right now he’s at $20, but the same person increased their bid. I’m forcing myself to stay up until midnight (not like I really fall asleep before then, but Ambien is out of the question tonight). I must win the sushi guy!

Anyway, that’s a quick recap of my month. The last time I wrote something was during tech week for The Nutcracker, and both of my girls did so well. I was a super proud mama!

Stay tuned tomorrow for an update on my new weight loss quest. I’m researching plans. I need something idiot proof, so if anyone has a good recommendation, please share.

Back from My Hiatus

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It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog. Actually, that’s not even true. It’s been a while since I’ve published a blog. I actually began writing posts on three different nights and just felt really overwhelmed with everything that was going on. Last weekend sucked. Friday my former friend whom I’ve written about in the past, really pissed me off and it was just a night full of his drama.

I wrote explaining what happened, but every time I started writing about it, I just felt like it was a soap opera and I wanted it all to be gone. Long story short, he’s been doing a lot of drinking after losing the last love of his life, and tried to suck me into his drama first by saying he wanted to kill himself, and then next by repeating something I said and posting it on Facebook, which set in motion a whole slew of issues. He loves drama and posted something about ebola on a local town page after I mentioned a conversation that I had with a local doctor (my neighbor).

Of course, he doesn’t feel like he did anything wrong, and when I didn’t see eye to eye on that he lost it. He said all sorts of crap that prompted me just to block his emails. Then he created a new email address to continue it. I’m guessing he must have gotten some kind of notification that his emails were not going through. I worked myself up a bit because I thought I was going to run into him at Nutcracker and I didn’t even want to see him. I kept my word and brought a bag of clothes for his daughter, and my youngest daughter gave them to her.

He did send a text thanking me for the clothes, and I just said no problem. As dramatic as that was, I’m glad it all happened. That makes me sound like a crazy person, but in some ways I didn’t want to get to the point where I cut him off totally, but now it’s clear that’s the way it needs to be.

The weather has been getting colder here, and my hip and lower back have been very stiff. I don’t have my follow-up appointment with the endocrinologist until November 1st, but some of my test results (the thyroid ones) came back completely fine. I’m not sure why the other results aren’t listed, but after doing a bunch more research on PCOS, I decided to buy some supplements and see if that helps at all. I went a little crazy and bought chromium, cinnamon, B complex, and co q10. I’ve only been taking them since Monday, so I don’t have anything to report on whether or not they are working.

I’m just desperate to find something to help. I feel like if I could just figure out why I’ve gained so much weight it would really help. It’s not only killing my self-esteem, but it’s also making it harder when I do exercise. I keep reading that people with PCOS are more likely to have heart disease, etc. I need to stay off of WebMD. I just want to get to my next appointment and have a plan. My biggest fear is that all my test results will be fine and there won’t be a course or plan of action.

So far this week, I’ve managed to be a huge bum. I feel slightly guilty that I hardly left my bedroom on Monday until the kids got home from school. It’s just that my weekends are so jam packed with me shuffling kids to one activity or another. I was out in the cold Saturday night for my son’s final regular season football ball game. I already knew they made the playoffs, but it was his first evening game, and though I still don’t understand football, even I knew it was a good game.

All in all, things are status quo. I’m not in terrible pain. I’m still tired all the time, but I’ve just accepted that this is the way it’s going to be.

Now let me say a few words about Renee Zellweger. I don’t have a problem with people wanting plastic surgery. Heck, if I had loads of money to spare I’d want a nose job. I’ve always looked in the mirror and just seen my nose. It’s too big for my face, but I live with it. What I don’t understand is wanting to look like a completely different person. I would never have known that was her, if they weren’t discussing it on the news.

Truth be told, she’s not a favorite of mine. She always looked like she was going to burst into tears in photos and I can’t stand the faces she’d make on the red carpet trying to look hot. That being said, I thought she was so much prettier before the surgery. She had a soft, kind quality to her that is just totally gone now. I’m not saying she’s not still pretty. She is fine, but I don’t understand to want to change everything. When does that end? I’d guess that once you start rearranging things and fixing things you don’t like, you’d likely begin to focus on another area you don’t like. Maybe go for liposuction next or a boob job?? I don’t know.

It just doesn’t make sense to me!

 

Shin Splints, Fat, Nutcracker, Football and More

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I just couldn’t decide on a title. It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog so I have quite a bit to catch up on, though not that much news in terms of my health. I guess I’ll get that update done first. I’m huge. Enormous, even. That’s just not changing, so I can’t wait until next week when I finally have the appointment with the endocrinologist. I am a little afraid that he’s going to shrug me off because my initial blood work does not show a thyroid issue, but with a strong family history of hypothyroidism and the fact that I have every other symptom on the list, I’m at least hoping he’ll do more testing. I’m not eating enough to be this fat!

In similar news, I’m back trying cardio even though it’s not that easy. Yesterday I walked 3 miles in my neighborhood, and not the flat 3 miles. I walked the huge hill route, which I regretted on the way back to my house, which is all uphill. I was able to do it, and I’m not sure who was huffing and puffing more, my fat dog or me! In an effort to continue the cardio trend, I went to the track today in the hope that I could job a bit, but when I started I realized that I did too much yesterday with the hills and my shins were in terrible pain. I didn’t want to push myself further so I opted to walk the track (in pain) for a mile and a half.

It was a lot less than I wanted to do, but it was still something. Tomorrow I have to teach my class in the morning and then I will attempt to do my flat walk through the neighborhood or if my shins are really hurting, then I’ll do my boring elliptical instead. I’m trying…

Tomorrow is also the big day where we get the call about roles for the Nutcracker. My girls are so excited. I am in a panic at the moment. I know my younger daughter is fine. My older daughter would really be happy with any part that isn’t in the Battle scene, because she’s been both a mouse and a soldier, and she really wants to do a more ballet role. We put down that the role(s) she was hoping for were the party scene or a flower bud (the youngest of the flowers in the flower dance). I know she’d be great at either one, but I don’t know if she showed enough ballet. So here I am praying that tomorrow’s call goes well.

Last year when she got the role of a soldier she was devastated because “that’s a boy role.” She ended up seeing it through and having a good time. She even asked for a second role and got it. The thing is, she’s not this outgoing kid that stands out in an audition. She doesn’t jump to the front and raise her hand when they ask who can do something. She’s very shy, but getting better all the time. If you can spare some positive vibes for me tomorrow, please pray that I get a good phone call. To see her get a role that she really wants would be so awesome.

And now my football update. First of all, it’s not a newsflash that I’ve I’ve learned anything about football. I still don’t know anything. BUT…I did see my son make a tackle! It was in a play right after he did something wrong and I saw his dad shaking his head in frustration. He just doesn’t think my son has the drive to play football. He’s too afraid. Then he went into the next play and took the ball carrier down. Even I knew that was good! I got a picture of it, too. The best part of it was talking with my son later that night and hearing him say that he thought it was his best game ever because he felt like a valuable player. He was so proud of himself.

Oh…back to my rheumatoid arthritis for a moment, I’m still really suffering with stiffness and pain in my knees. I’ve decided to wait until after I see the endocrinologist before I call my rheumatologist to get in for an appointment. I’d like to see if the endo is really going to do anything for me before I discuss going back on the Plaquenil, but that seems to be where I’m headed. I don’t think I’m mentally ready for methatrexate. I think that’s the next step after Plaquenil. I believe I’d try the Plaquenil again before I’d try something different. I stopped it because my issues were really stemming around the fibromyalgia. The deep tissue muscle pain in my shoulders and under my head were bothering me terribly, but my joints (with the exception of my hands) were doing okay.

As the colder weather is starting, my hands are starting with the stiffness and swelling. My feet were pretty darn swollen after yesterday’s walk, too. But, what’s bothering me the most are my knees and hip because those hurt while I’m standing and walking. The pain and joint stiffness are just making things a lot more difficult. So, the decision is, that I’ll make another appointment with the rheumatologist after I speak with the endocrinologist. Do you ever feel like your life is seeing specialists?

Quick recap:

Endocrinologist-October 9th

Nutcracker decisions- tomorrow (I might need several Xanax)

Football-not as horrid as usual

Knees-suck

Have a good night everyone!

Good News, But I’m Still Grouchy

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Good news first. I got a call first thing this morning that my ultrasound was completely normal. I shed a few tears on my way to teach my class, and then I found myself in a complete exhaustion for the rest of the day. I don’t know whether it’s that I worked myself up too much yesterday, or it’s the cold and rainy weather getting the best of me.

I wasn’t in terrible pain. I’d go with mildly stiff. At the moment my shoulders and neck are sore and my back and hip are in pain. My hands have been bothering me, too, but nothing unbearable. I slept most of the day away and I feel a little bad and lazy because of it, but I need to let that go.

Tomorrow I’m back at the pediatrician’s office and hopefully I’ll be good enough when I get home that I won’t need a major nap and I can actually get some things done around the house.

Tomorrow night is the only night this week that I don’t have to be out of the house doing something. I have my son’s open house on Thursday and Nutcracker auditions with my girls on Friday. My younger daughter may send me over the edge between now and then. She wants to do Nutcracker. She loved every moment of it last year, but she’s being a pain in the ass about the tryouts. She is saying she is nervous, which is fine. She doesn’t have to do it this year if she doesn’t want to, but rolling around on the floor during a practice session and completely ignoring the girl who is there to help is not acceptable.

So I’m grouchy. I’m grouchy that my house is a mess. There is a leak somewhere in my wall. I got a letter from the company that supplied this ice machine for my foot when I had surgery requesting the $11,000 that we owe them. I almost keeled over. It was explained to us that they would only go through insurance and there would be no outside cost to us. It was a machine to keep my foot cold for two weeks. Eleven thousand dollars! I feel like I can’t win. My insurance sucks so bad. Every time I got for blood work for my autoimmune stuff it runs about $800-$1,000.

I’m actually going to break down and look into the Obamacare stuff before the open enrollment in November. I feel like I’m just paying for nothing. They hardly cover anything! I don’t want to make a big change before I see the endocrinologist. I just don’t want to do anything to mess with that appointment. I feel like I’ve waited long enough.

Anyway, that’s really all the news I have for the night. I just wanted to share the update that everything came back fine with my ultrasound. It was a huge relief. I’m still waiting for the mammogram results, but to me honest it’s the ovaries that get me in more of a tizzy.

Happy Almost Anniversary

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Tomorrow is my 15th wedding anniversary. Did I mention my husband is away on a business trip (aka vacation)? So 15 years ago tonight we were actually fighting–that should have been a clue, HAHA! My in-laws were an hour and twenty minutes late to our rehearsal. This wouldn’t have been a big problem, but they had the priest with them, so we couldn’t even start the rehearsal without them. Picture it…40 people in an unairconditioned church in August, sitting there waiting for my future husband’s two sisters and his uncle (the priest). They left their house at 4:45 on a Friday to go pick up the uncle in the opposite direction of the church, and then head back a few exits and a few towns over in Friday 5pm traffic. I guess 15 minutes seemed like enough time…

Anyway, it wasn’t pretty. I had words with them, and I was annoyed with his parents for not telling us they were able to make it to the rehearsal. Though they had a good reason, my husband’s grandmother was being released from the hospital, a little communication would have been great. My wedding was fun, despite the fact that one of the sisters wasn’t speaking to me. It was a good, expensive party.

Today was a big day for me. I had my gyno appointment that I’ve been very stressed about. It went pretty well, but it’s only half over. I still need to go for my ultrasound, which they are doing on the same day as my mammogram (let’s just refer to that as my day o’fun) in mid-September. The good news is that my doctor said everything felt normal, even if it didn’t feel normal to me. She also said that my primary care doctor was incorrect and that I’m not beginning menopause because I’m on birth control pills, which is controlling those hormones. So…menopause is not the reason I’m as big as house. We’ll cross that off the list.

My son started football this week and because our town is busy ripping up and putting in a new field for the teams to play on, the boys are practicing at the high school. This actually means I have the track right there in front of me and I can force myself to walk. Tonight I walked almost three miles and it felt good. I notice that I do have tightness in my lower back and my hips, but I’m hoping that the more I’m able to do it, the better it will get.

Tomorrow also starts my last Wizard of Oz weekend. I am gearing up for it, or at least trying to because I may end up having to stay until the end of the show all three nights. I hope you can feel the excitement through my typing. Don’t get me wrong. I get teary and giddy every single time my daughter performs. I could watch her all day, but she’s on stage for about 8 minutes of a 2.5 hour show. I’m old and tired.

 

Is It the Storms or an RA Flare?

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Does your rheumatoid arthritis get worse when there are storms coming? We’ve been having a heatwave and both last night and tonight we had these terrible thunderstorms with crazy lightning and high winds. Tonight’s storm, I believe was what we are getting of storm Arthur in this area. Or, maybe that’s tomorrow. I can’t keep up. It’s supposed to rain and storm all day again tomorrow as well.

I’m not sure whether this is adding to or causing the extreme amount of pain I’m in. As I mentioned the other night, I took a pill for pain, and I’m in the same boat again tonight. Actually, I’m worse. The pain medicine isn’t even touching what I’m feeling. It’s like my right hip has seized up and I have no range of motion at all through the joint. It’s causing pain both in my lower back, my left hip (which is trying to compensate), and also my whole right leg. Let’s take a moment to look at the positives: I don’t have a migraine during the storm. My hands and fingers aren’t swollen or in pain, and I still have my sense of humor.

At the moment, though the negative is really a pain in the ass…literally. I’m not sure if this is a the start of a full blown arthritis flare or if it’s the result of me overdoing it in combination with the storms going on. Obviously, I’m hoping for the latter, but I don’t have time for a flare.

Today was another day of rushing around. I taught my Pilates class this morning with the help of my youngest daughter, who is an absolute trip. Not only did she re-name most of the exercises we were doing, she also asked if she could teach something–I’ll admit I was a little panicked as to what that was going to be, but she taught a stretch she learned in gym. She was absolutely hysterical and had my whole class cracking up this morning. The problem is that she thinks she’s going to be my co-teacher for the rest of the summer now. It’s funny. I received three emails today from ladies that take my class on how much fun it was to have her there, but my class is also a break from the kids. Let’s just say she’ll be back, but not every class. She really is such a funny kid. I love her way of looking at things. She’s such a positive, happy little soul.

If I can say anything I’ve done right, it’s that all three of my kids are sensitive when they see someone else sad or hurting. They read people well (okay, maybe they miss the cues when I’m getting fed up with their silliness). They do seem to have that ability to know when a person needs comforting or encouragement, and they are great at offering it.

My older daughter had her voice lesson today and learned three new songs. One of the songs she loved so much that she worked on it for hours today. Despite having told her voice teacher today that she’s still not ready to do a solo in the fall concert, she came up to me around 5pm and announced that she would be singing that song by herself in the concert and in order to work through her fear, she wanted to sing the song several times in front of smaller groups of family. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I told her I thought that was a wonderful idea. In all honesty, this song from Les Mis is the best song I’ve heard her do. I knew right away when she started singing that she was going to love it, but something about it clicked with her.

Around 6pm she wanted to go to my parents house (they live up the road) and sing it for them, so we did. Usually, I’m not one to drop everything while making dinner when one of my kids wants to do something, but you really have to understand how huge this is for my daughter. I know I’ve mentioned before that she is painfully shy. She has no problem being silly with her friends and family, but she didn’t talk through most of kindergarten unless it was to answer a question from the teacher, or to one or two girls in the class. She’s growing so much, and I need to encourage it.

So where am I going with this? My son…who was a complete pain in the butt today because his father didn’t give him his ADD medicine (I won’t even start that rant today) sat don’t and listened to his sister sing. He didn’t say too much at the time and then went about playing, but an hour or so later I heard him tell her that she was a really good singer and that he knew she was going to be just as great as the teenagers that were in the concert the other day. Proud Mommy moment.

It’s summer. My kids have been annoying the crap out of each other to the point that I brought all three of them into my son’s therapy session to address how they treat each other. They had an assignment this week to make the time to ask each other to play more. This made my son’s comment even more special. His “assignment” was about asking one another to play games together (they were all upset with each other that no one ever wants to play and they were all mad, blah blah blah). Anyway, I knew his comment came from the heart. He always says the nicest things to me, but doesn’t always go out of his way to compliment his sisters, so I know that one sentence meant the world to my daughter.

And now we’ve reached the holiday weekend. We did have parties tomorrow and Saturday, but due to the weather the party that was scheduled for tomorrow rescheduled to Saturday. I am kind of happy about it since this gives me a while day to focus on organizing my house. Does it sound fun? No way! But I have friends staying here to watch my pets and my house while we’re on vacation. I’d at least like to pretend I’m organized and neat. Here’s to hoping I feel well enough to get a lot done.

I hope you all have a pain free Independence Day!

 

Oh Arthritis…I Didn’t Miss You

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I can’t say welcome back, but I figured my reprieve from my RA wouldn’t last forever. This morning I woke up for the first of what’s supposed to be one of many rainy days and my right hip was not in good shape. It was a slow go this morning, but I had to teach my class. It definitely wasn’t the toughest class I’ve taught, but I made it through.

I’m going to be brutally honest and tell you that I slept from about noon to almost 3pm. I was absolutely useless today. I couldn’t focus. I was in pain. At one point I thought I was getting a migraine (thank goodness that didn’t happen), but overall I just really felt like crap. I’m trying not to complain because I really have had a good few weeks in terms of joint and muscle pain. It’s been more than manageable. In fact, tonight is the first night in a long time that I’ve had to take an anti-inflammatory.

So basically what I’m telling you that I’ve had a crappy day. I’m in a funk for all sorts of reasons. Pain is definitely one, but people are pissing me off right and left. I joke about being anti-social, but there is just a big part of me that prefers to stay out of social situations because people are cliquey and even adults are catty and mean. Okay, not all of them. I happen to know a lot of wonderful people! Let me put that right out there. It’s just that lately I’ve been at every baseball game, etc. for my kids and I’m not in the “in” crowd.

My son isn’t in the “in” crowd, and it bothers him terribly. I’m a grown-up. I could care less if some of those people like me because at the end of the day I have true and wonderful friends that I can count on. I don’t need those people, but my son really wants to fit in. I guess I can relate to it. I spent a lot of my middle school and high school years feeling like I didn’t fit in, and trying too hard, and it kills me to see him doing the same thing. And, boys are so much more dorky than girls. They get silly and stuff. I don’t get it.

Maybe I’m cranky. I hate ending the day feeling like a bad parent. I did a lot of yelling tonight…it wasn’t my best parenting night either. My daughter has been so bitchy lately. I’m not even sure what to do anymore. Nothing seems to work with her. I told her I’m going to start taking stuff away from her every single time she speaks in that tone. It’s killing me because she’s the sweetest kid and she’s just flying off the handle at nothing. Perhaps hormones? She’s only nine. When do hormones start? Dear lord, I’m not sure I’m ready for that!

I think I’m just a crab and I’m going to call it a night because this blog has turned into one big bitch session. Sorry about that. Even my cats avoided me today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Still Crabby…And Afraid of My Scale

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You read that correctly! I’m afraid of my scale. Tomorrow is the big day. I’ve spent one full week on Take Shape for Life/MediFast and the last time I stepped on the scale was last Tuesday morning. Technically, I started the diet a week ago today, but I forgot to weight myself that morning and ended up weighing myself on Tuesday.

So tomorrow morning, first thing, I need to get on the scale. Oh it’s going to suck. Why? Because I’m not sure how I did. I stuck to the plan. I didn’t even mind the plan (with the exception of the god-awful mac & cheese). I’ve enjoyed the foods, and I don’t feel hungry. In terms of being easy to do, it’s working for me, but tomorrow will tell if it’s working for me in terms of the pounds, and that’s what really matters.

I will get discouraged if I only lost one pound, or if heaven forbid, I gained weight. I truly didn’t stray from the plan with the exception of one Chips Ahoy cookie this weekend. It was staring me down on the kitchen table and I caved. It was one. I ate it, and moved on!

I told my coach today, it’s almost easier not knowing how much I lost because I feel like if I didn’t lose a lot of enough, I’ll lose my motivation. Part of the problem is that with this plan they don’t want to you do heavy exercise for the first few weeks because of the reduces calorie diet. On the days I teach classes, my coach has me eating extra servings of protein and calories to compensate for what I’m burning off in class. So there you have it, I’m scared.

So to sum up today’s two blogs, I’m depressed and scared. Pretty darn good day, huh! I snapped out of the depression a bit. My daughter came home and apologized for our argument and told me how much she loved me. We had a good took about her fears about singing and decided that we’d talk to her voice coach about some strategies to help with her nerves.

My son is lucky he survived the day after he took a Sharpie to my youngest daughter’s doll. He had to cough up $40 from his own bank to pay for another one for her. I was so angry and disappointed in him for doing something do mean. I really don’t think he even understood just how mean it was until he saw her crying. That was super fun to deal with.

There’s just been a lot going on. So many things weighing on me, culminating with my son’s special education PPT on Wednesday morning—the first PPT ever that I will be bringing an advocate. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I have the upper hand, but it’s still nerve-racking. The good news is, the advocate I’m bring with me is so knowledgeable and calm, I know I’m in good hands.

I just think the stress is wreaking havoc on my autoimmune system. My body is shutting down and I’m feeling exhausted and flu-ish. I’m not sick. I’m just achy and rundown. Exactly the way I feel at the start of a flare, minus the pain. I have some stiffness, but other than some leg pain, there really isn’t any extreme pain; just aches.

This too shall pass. Hopefully I’ll have time for another nap tomorrow and that will help!

 

Mother’s Day Is Overrated

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Sure, we all have dream of what we’d think our Mother’s Day will be like. Some people dream of breakfast in bed. Other dream of a day of relaxation including a facial or a massage. This year I wanted to go to the zoo with my family. It sounded simple enough. The kids were excited. I was excited. It seemed like a no-brainer. We were going to set off on a peaceful one-hour car ride, enjoying each other’s company, then enjoy a lovely day of seeing the animals and spending quality time together.

I’m not sure what medicine I was taking when I thought that was going to happen! My pride and joy fought the entire way to the zoo, with my son leading the crab brigade because he was irritated that my youngest daughter talks too much. When we arrived, I had high hopes that it would get better, but my son turned into an even bigger pain in the ass when he started poking and being a general nudge to my youngest daughter. He claimed it was because he she wouldn’t let him talk, but really it was because he was darn tired because he stayed up way too late the night before.

I thought things were going to turn around as we were in line for the zoo monorail, but that’s when my youngest daughter had her “moment” of the day, where she announced that she hated zoos and animals, and she wanted to go home. That’s right people, Happy Freakin Mother’s Day! DCF almost needed to be called in as I grabbed her arm and yelled at her in line that her behavior was going to stop NOW and that she was being selfish and rude, and I wasn’t going to up with it for one more minute.

Okay, it did cause a few tears. There was that moment when she turned to her dad and said, “I think Mom hates me because I have bad behavior!” I will say once we got on the monorail things turned around for the better. The Bronx Zoo is really a great zoo, It’s clean and nice. We got to see everything from elephants, to giraffes, to polar bears, and flamingos (my favorite). It’s a huge place and we didn’t have time to see everything, but we saw a lot and the kids ended up having a really great time, and I did as well.

We got to see a lot of baby animals, which was fun. There were four baby lion cubs playing and pouncing on each other. There was a baby giraffe, baby sea lions, and lots of baby deer-looking animals.

I did pretty well with the day of walking. By after 5pm, I was completely done. My feet were starting to swell, and my hands were swelling, which seemed odd to me. I could DSC_0011_011understand my feet. If I wasn’t walking, I was standing on line, or standing looking at the different exhibits. We didn’t do a lot of sitting. We’ll see what tomorrow brings, but it does make me nervous for our Disney trip. I’m not nervous for day 1. It’s Days 2-6 that concern me. I am hoping that my legs and feet are okay tomorrow, and that I can get out for a quick walk to try and keep up a bit of the momentum. I’m not going to push it though if my body tells me no. We walked from 10:30AM to almost 6:PM, only stopping for lunch and a 20 minute monorail ride. All in all, I did well.

Of course my feet are up on a pillow right now and I’m exhausted as hell! Tomorrow is Day 1 of my Take Shape for Life diet from MediFast. I’m kind of excited. I’m a little excited that on my own, I’m down about one size, as the pants I bought myself a little over a week ago are too big. They fit perfectly when I bought them, so I must have lost a few pounds. I’m going to get on the dreaded scale in the morning (doubt I’ll report the number, as I am horrified by the whole thing), but I will check in with my progress and let you know how I’m doing… and of course, how the food is.

My plan is to use their food for 4 of the 6 small meals per day and use my own food for two. There are days when I’m running around that I may use theirs for 5. We’ll see. I eat very healthy dinners, so that won’t be an issue. It’s the giving up of chocolate that might be a little tough. Luckily, I do get to have chocolate or mint chocolate pudding every night, so that may help. All I can hope is that this jump starts things a little, and that will be the shake up I need to get going.

Between that, the warmer weather, and trying to consistently move more, either through yoga, walking or other types of exercise, I’m trying to go about working on this autoimmune crap naturally as well as with some kind so of medication. I also started taking a supplement called Curcumin, which has turmeric spice in it, which is supposed to be great for inflammation. I’m not ruling anything out when it comes to natural remedies.

I hope all the Moms had a great Mother’s Day!

 

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