Storm Juno: A Bust!

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Though the winds were howling most of the night, we only got about 7 inches of snow, compared to the 30 they were predicting. I know other areas of CT and MA got hit a lot harder, but luckily we were spared. As I mentioned, as long as we didn’t lose power, I didn’t care how much snow came down.

The kids have a 2 hour delay tomorrow, and I’m glad they opted to decide that tonight rather than wait until the morning. Because there is still a layer of snow and ice on the roads and it’s supposed to be like zero again tonight, it was a good call. The kids get to sleep in a little, so they are pleased.

It wasn’t a great day for my diet again, so tomorrow I’m going to buckle down and re-start. I’m beginning to think I have an addiction to sugar. I was feeling good with out it, and today I had a cookie and a brownie and it became difficult not to go back for more.

I did stick to my small meals and shakes, though. Dinner was chicken sauteed with onions, mushrooms, spinach, and kale in a wine sauce. My portion was decent so it’s a start. I’m making the decision not to get down on myself about it. I workout out tonight and did a lot of arms and abs because my class was snowed out this morning.

Tomorrow I plan to get back on my strict routine, and I’m prepare for the first two days to be tough again with my sugar cravings. I’m ready.

Today was also a little more difficult with my fibromyalgia and/or rheumatoid arthritis. My hands were very stiff, as were my hips and back. I was able to take a nap with everyone home, which is shocking, but the kids were fantastic all day. I know I’m lucky. My older daughter really wanted to bake, so that’s why there were brownies in the first place.

She’s been into cooking lately, I just wish she’d eat more. This sounds hilarious but today she tried a sandwich for the first time. For whatever reason, the kid never ate bread until recently. I have to pack turkey or ham with no bread for her lunch, so this is a huge breakthrough.

I’m ready for bed early tonight, and I can only blame the exhaustion on the fibro. I didn’t do enough today to be tired, but for some reason I really am. I think as a mom, you just get used to ignoring when you feel tired. I don’t know a mom out there that isn’t exhausted, but it is a different type of exhaustion with an autoimmune disease. I can feel my body saying rest now or pay for it later.

I push sometimes when there is something I really want to do, but in this case, I’m just and relaxing. There will be time to finish up things tomorrow (while I’m dealing with being hungry).

I hope you all survived Storm Juno unscathed. I could use some positive vibes for getting back on track with my Ideal Shape tomorrow. I need to do this.

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It Warmed Up Outside Today, Someone Alert my Body

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I can’t get warm. My hands, fingers and feet are so cold they get numb. I wasn’t this bad all day, but right now it’s out of control. I have a heated blanket and a heating pad on full force.

I ended up taking all three kids to see Into the Woods today. Good news, my 7-year-old wasn’t scared at all. Most of the bad parts really weren’t shown. I had read the page on IMDB so I knew what to expect, but it wasn’t as violent as some people said.

I love my musicals so I enjoyed it. I wouldn’t say it was favorite ever, but it was cast well.

After that I had some running around to do before we ended up home around 7pm. My son is petrified to go to school tomorrow. He’s making a huge situation of a bad situations from last Friday. A boy, who my son thought is a good friend, asked him…no told him to go buy a snack for the boy.

Step #1 in the right direction, my son said no, rather than buy it so he can fit in. That’s a huge step. Well, when he said no, the boy got everyone else at the table to move, leaving my son alone. The issue is compounded because the dads are good friends and my son thinks the twins should be his best friends. They don’t see it that way.

He is afraid to take the bus and go to school, but we did some role playing on what he should say. I have him asking another boy on the bus to sit with him at lunch. I don’t like most of the kids he sits with anyway. It’s no skin off my back if he finds friends who treat him well. What more could I want for him

No one should feel like everyone hates them. I feel bad for him, but he does need to toughen up a little. He’s a deep thinker, but doesn’t always get when things are implied instead of said. He’s very literal. I just found out that I have a PPT for him this Friday. I need to go over all his testing to make sure they aren’t looking to drop him. Mamabear might need to come out a little.

I think they are afraid of me from last year. I’m very nice until I reach that point and then you need to step back. I’ve learned so much being a mommy to kids that are in special education programs. It could be a full-time job! I’m also lucky to help other families with these issues through a nonprofit. Being able to help families/children is the greatest feeling.

It’s week like this that I wish I could put my fibro and RA aside so I can get everything done, that would be awesome. It doesn’t work that way, though.

Anyway, tomorrow the kids are back to school. I have a morning conference call scheduled before my nap :). Then I have to finish editing a book, or hopefully two, but doubting I’ll get that far.

I hope you are enjoying a pain free evening.

 

Yep, Still Coughing

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At some point soon, I’ll call the doctor and let her know that I can’t stop coughing, but in order to do that I need some free time. I fell asleep writing last night’s blog so I scrapped it and started a new one for today. Today was my second real day in the “office.” I was working out of the pediatrician’s office today…remember last week when I had all that time to write an extra long blog because there was nothing to do? Well, it wasn’t like that at all today!

It was really busy, and I have to be honest and say that I loved it. I loved working with the doctors and learning the background on patients prior to speaking with them. I loved learning how to look up prior evaluations and read reports so I could familiarize myself with the child’s history prior to calling the parent. That makes my life so much easier. I can actually prepare a bit before making the call rather than going in blind and having to call someone back after gathering information.

Dare I say it? I liked working in an office. I’m kind of laughing because for the majority of the day I was alone in a room. The occasional doctor or office person stopped by, and I did get to meet with one family in person, but other than that it was just me. Kind of like being at home without the pajamas. I think it’s going to be a good thing for me, and it’s definitely going to be a great thing for the nonprofit organization that I work for because we will get to see so many more clients this way.

I titled yesterday’s unpublished blog, Laughter Makes Everything Better, and although I didn’t laugh as much today as I did yesterday, the same holds true. Yesterday I had two friends and their kids over to swim. I know a lot of people in my town, so this makes people think I’m not anti-social. I never said I wasn’t friendly. I suppose I’m friendly, I just have a difficult time getting to know people. The two girls that came over yesterday are two people that I met a few years ago and I instantly clicked with because they are both “what you see is what you get” kind of people. They aren’t pretentious. They are just plain nice and seriously funny. We were joking about our school Facebook pages. The are these parent-run group pages and at times you would think these people have nothing better to do than spend the day asking and answering questions on Facebook. In July, people are worried about the lunch menu for the first day of school. They are concerned about whether or not their child is capable of buying lunch in 5th grade.

So, in true silliness, two of us acted out the posts for the one that hadn’t yet read them. I was laughing so hard I was in tears because I was channeling some town members who clearly had their undies in a bunch of the subject. It reminded me that we all need to spend a little more time laughing and a lot less time getting stressed out over stupid things. We all do it. I do it! I might not be griping over school lunches in July, but we all have dumb things that we stress about that affect us in many ways. I need to stop, take a deep breath, and let it go.

I’m finding myself saying that phrase (and singing it thanks to Frozen) more often these days. I’m trying to get my son to relax, and I think the best way to do that is to show him that I can relax, too. I’m working on it…it will happen at some point. My son had a day off his meds (thanks to his dad) and it took me about 5 minutes after I got home from work to notice. His therapist today said that she thinks some of the behaviors, outside of today’s obvious ADD behavior, were–gasp—hormones. She told me that him being an ass to his sisters was normal. Dear god! Please tell me that’s not normal. I may not survive this puberty stuff, though I’m not quite sure he’s there yet.

I’m happy to announce that his travel baseball is done (hurray for me) and tonight started football camp. Next week football begins 4 nights per week. Oh, did I mention that I have Wizard of Oz Thursday through Sunday this weekend and next? I’m trying not to think about the exhaustion. I’m going to take one day at a time, and rest during the day.

While my arthritis has been better, I’m going through that part of fibromyalgia where my sin is so sensitive to the touch. It’s also itchy all the time, though I’m not sure if that’s fibro or just me. I read online that someone was using a weighted blanket and they found a lot of relief with RA and fibro symptoms. I’m dying to hear if anyone else has tried this. Part of me thinks it’s an interesting theory, though the other part wonders if even the slightest thing bothers me in terms of touch because it’s like I’m hyper-sensitive, then maybe the weighted-blanket might be too much. I don’t know, but I’d still like to try it. I might try and make one–you know, in all my spare time between when Wizard of Oz ends and Nutcracker begins and my free days from football–oh wait, I will have to figure out how to make one on the field or in the auditorium. That’s my only hope! The life of a mom, but I wouldn’t trade it.

Tonight’s rant out of nowhere will be on Sister Wives. I believe I’ve had this rant before, but I can’t help it. I need to discuss Kody’s hair again. First you have Meri wanting him to straighten his hair to look like Keith Urban. OMG, people, that was hideous. Then another wife…I don’t even know which one, wanted a pony tail. Then they had the tell-all and all the women discussed the hairstyles and which they liked best. This was their moment! This was their time to say, “Kody, trim the freakin hair. You look terrible.” But, no! None of them did that. They all said, “Oh I like his hair best just like this, all fluffy.” WHAT? I might be able to get past the fact that you are sharing your husband with other women, solely on the fact that if I had someone help cooking, cleaning, and babysitting, I might not think it was such a bad idea either. Heck, if it got my husband out of the house a few nights and I had the bed all to myself, even better. But, the hair? Oh no! I don’t think I could put up with the fluffiness.

A Much Calmer Night

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Boy I was hell on wheels last night (see yesterday’s post). I do have a bit of a temper, but as I said last night, I’ve never lost my cool with this friend before. As a matter of fact, I can’t even think of many friends I’ve ever lost my cool in that way with. I mean, okay, there is the friend who told me I was stupid to start blogging–by the way he sent me a random text tonight about Caillou. It actually made me laugh, but I’m not buying into the game. When we were really good friends a few years ago my youngest daughter had a bit of an obsession with Caillou. For those of you fortunate enough not to know what the heck I’m talking about, Google it. He’s a bald, whiny little boy, that complains about everything. I can’t stand that kid. Apparently my ex-friend’s (LOL) daughter was watching the show on television this evening.

Anyway, he is really the only friend that I can think of that I got into fights with. I mean really arguments. No matter how angry I am, I don’t say mean things to hurt people, and unfortunately he can’t say the same. When I argued with my friend “Lilly” the other night I was harsh, but never mean. I didn’t call her names or use mean language, or say one thing that I regret saying. What I said, she needed to hear. Whether she took it in or not, I have no idea. My guess is no, but I gave it a shot.

Today was hectic again. I feel like I have so much to do before we leave on vacation and not enough hours to get it all done. I need to do some serious cleaning tomorrow and organize the kids’ bedrooms. Even if I can just get the kitchen, living room and bathrooms set, I will be happy.

My back and hip are still pretty stiff and nothing I’m doing is really helping. I go back to the rheumatologist the week after I return from Florida, but even with all my online research, I’m just so hesitant to start anything new. I’m not great, but I’m certainly not as bad as I was during the winter. I think if I’m going to break down and try something new it will be when I’m in desperate need. I know I’ve asked a lot of questions through this blog on Lyrica and Cymbalta. Those two drugs seem to be what are commonly prescribed for fibromyalgia. The side effects make me really nervous. First of all with so many people claiming a 30lb weight gain with Lyrica, I’m super hesitant to jump on that bandwagon. I already feel as big as a house.

With Cymbalta I read things like thoughts of suicide, and other side effects. I know they have to list every single thing every person noted, but I get nervous. Right now I’m still on the Flexeril 10mg at night, but I really don’t feel like it’s doing that much. Lots of people say they feel sleepy and relaxed. I feel nothing…seriously nothing. Sometimes I wonder why I take it, but I think overall it does reduce my migraines because my neck doesn’t get as tight.

The other thing the rheumatologist is going to bring up is doing those trigger point shots again. I’m going to give those a big thumbs down for me. The first time I thought they really helped. I’m not sure if he hit a nerve, or if that’s even possible, but beginning just two days after the shots I add a marathon three-week migraine and I would prefer not to relive that experience…ever. What I might do is ask to try a different muscle relaxer, not necessarily a stronger one but possibly a different kind. Any thoughts on this? Is anyone taking something for fibro that they actually feel is helping?

It’s really difficult because I feel like the fibro is affecting all my muscles and the RA affects my joints. The combination is just not fun. I know it could be so much worse, but I’m trying to think ahead for the winter months and have some sort of plan of action in case I have a really bad winter again this year. Any help is appreciated. I know different drugs work for different people, but I’m always interested to hear what people think is actually helping them to feel better. There are dozens of medications and I’ve taken so many that I just don’t think have done anything for me. It’s just not worth the risk if it’s not helping.

Then I’ll add into the mix my yearly ob/gyn appointment. I work myself up into a frenzy each and every year, but this year I’m already a wreck. My appointment isn’t until August 5th, but I’ve already decided that I have a cyst on my ovary and I’ve probably waited too long to deal with it, and it’s going to be cancer. After all, I’m 42 and my mom died at 43, and this has been my fear all along. I don’t know how to stop the irrational fear…at least I hope it’s irrational, but I can’t shake it this year. I have been having pain on one side, similar to the type of pain I get with a cyst (which is all too common for me and they are usually normal). The truth is, I’m just scared. This is going to sound like the most conceited thing ever, but my kids won’t make it without me. I think about what their life would be like with my in-laws calling the shots. They haven’t got a chance.

So I can’t die. For that reason alone…my kids need their mother…I can’t die. It’s going to be a stressful few weeks and I see a few Xanax in my future. We do what we need to do to get by. One day at a time.