When Your Friend Is an Asshole


So I had an argument with a friend about two weeks ago. It shouldn’t have been an argument, so I was caught off-guard. You see, my friend used the word “retard” in a text. I simply said that the word is really offensive. He said it was just a word and that he had no intention of not using it. So, I said that I respectfully asked for him to not use it around me.

It was around then that he lost his mind saying I let a word have too much power over me and I’m a snowflake. I believe I’m also a few other things. I could go back and look or maybe they’ll come to me as I write. The point is, he wouldn’t let it go. He said I should respect his right to use the word.

I said, great could you just not use it to me? Is it that important of a word to you, that you need to use it to me? Apparently, it IS that important to him. He said, “I want to use that word and you are asking me to censor my feelings.”

I stopped responding which was when he started in with calling me immature for being angry over a word and that I allow a word to have power over me. When I stop acting like a child, let him know. You get the idea. I wrote back that I respect myself enough to know when to walk away from a situation and that’s the last thing I said.

So why am I writing about it now? Honestly, it bothered me a LOT that night. Not the loss of the friendship so much. This person has drifted in and out of my life at his convenience. I wish him nothing but the best. I was upset that any person felt so strongly for their “right” to use a word that’s so hurtful to others. Like they need to use it. They have some sort of point to prove and that point was worth a friendship. It’s kind of sad, yet kind of interesting. People are odd.

Listen, I know there are racist people, prejudice people, unkind people, etc. I’m not naive. But usually, these people deny the fact that they are such things. I guess what I can say is he doesn’t pretend to be something he is not. But, I definitely don’t need to be around it.



Today Sucked!


I should have stayed in bed today. From the moment I woke up and was told I was the meanest mom ever because my son had a haircut appointment today, I should have known it wasn’t going to be a good one. My son and I have been having this dumb argument about his hair. I’m not opposed to longer hair. I really don’t care about stuff like that, but his hair is so thick and it grows in bush-like. He needs a trim and a style otherwise it looks like a big mop. Does he agree with me? Of course not, I’m his mother!

It’s been a tough few days in general with family stuff. The kids go back to school tomorrow and getting my son’s schedule set was kind of a fiasco. Everything seems to be in order. He went and found his classes today and met a few teachers. I’ve heard terrible things about two of them, but I’m trying to be open minded and take things as they come. The girls both seem to have good teachers, but neither one of them know kids in their class. For my older daughter, it’s a big issue and I know she’s stressed about tomorrow. I did arrange a little play date at a park with one girl that she kind of knows who is in the class, and they seemed to get along well, so I think that helped.

The little one…well, I’m more worried about what’s going to come out of her mouth. For instance tonight we were at Target picking up at prescription (she woke up covered in hives…just an added bonus to my busy day). She was explaining to the pharmacy team that Elsa was her favorite character from Frozen and her favorite Disney character ever. She went on to say she liked all the characters from Frozen except Hans, because he was a butt face. The whole pharmacy team and everyone in line erupted in laughter, and I wanted to die. She has no censor. I suppose it could have been worse!

My son also had to have his 11-year-old vaccines today. It was like Sophia Loren’s Oscar reel. I don’t mean to sound callous. I sat with him for two hours calming him down and talking him through his anxiety, then I needed to tell him to pull it together because we were going in. The shots were nothing, but I didn’t know he had to have his finger pricked. That was bad. But like 5 minutes after the finger prick, you would have thought he had been stabbed. He was doubled over, crying that it hurt and that the nurse who did it was a terrible person. He wanted me to have the nurse fired. It was pathetic and I was exhausted.

Somehow I will get everyone on the bus tomorrow, and I pray that they all have a good day.

I got all my blood test back and I’m disappointed to say they really didn’t show anything except an extreme Vitamin D deficiency. So I’m taking Vitamin D, but you can’t tell me that’s causing all my issues. I didn’t want there to be anything huge wrong, but I wanted a reason that I feel like a zombie. I could sleep all day. Today was my first day without a nap in weeks and it was such a struggle. And then it happened…someone said to me, “you really need to figure out what’s wrong with you.”

Really? I mean, REALLY? I got uppity. I have three autoimmune diseases that I know of. I have rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, and Raynaud’s. None of them go away. There are no cures for them. There’s no vitamin or magic pill that takes away all the symptoms. If there was such a thing, every other commercial on television wouldn’t be dedicated to things like Lyrica, Cymbalta, Enbrel, and other drugs used to treat arthritis and chronic pain. These drugs treat the symptoms. They aren’t a cure. it’s so frustrating to have to explain that to people you know.

The other thing that’s really got me annoyed today is gossiping. I feel almost like if I tell the story I’m gossiping, but since there are no names, etc. and I am saying minimal details, I feel like I can vent a little. A neighbor of mine was arrested for driving drunk the other night. She had her children in the car. It’s a terrible thing, and there are no excuses for putting your children at risk. I’m not making excuses for her, in fact, I hardly know her. Her son is a good friend of my son’s, and he is one of the kindest kids I know. So I just think you can’t get a super kind and polite kid if you’re a complete jerk. She has to be doing something right.

Anyway, our small town has taken to gossip and nastiness and I just feel sad. Obviously the woman has a problem, and if I gave the details you’d realize it seems like it is more than perhaps leaving a party after having one too many. If she has a problem than she needs help, not nasty people. I just think instead of reaching out to help a person at their low point, people find it easier to look down on them. For what it’s worth, I sent her an email. I didn’t really know what to say…I mean what do you say? But, I said if she needed anything or help with the kids, to please let me know.

So I guess my thought for the day is if you have the option to show someone compassion, do it. A lot of times people don’t show us compassion with our autoimmune issues, and I know it’s not the same thing, so please don’t jump down my throat here. I’m not comparing. She made a VERY poor choice and we didn’t choose to have an autoimmune disease. But I think compassion is a choice that anyone can have. I’m choosing compassion.

What a Day


All right…it can stop raining any time now. I think it’s rained most of the week, and it’s  really affecting my arthritis. Yesterday in particular my hip and leg were not in good shape. Today was somewhat better physically, but emotionally I was at a bit of a low. I wish I could pin it down to one thing, but I think it’s just overall stress getting to me. I feel like I’m on the verge of tears a lot, but I just haven’t been able to cry. It’s an odd feeling mostly because I’m an emotional person. Crying for me isn’t a big deal, yet I’m struggling to release that much emotion at the moment.

Yesterday was just hard for me in a weird way. My daughter had her first rehearsal for Wizard of Oz, which was very cute. I might be singing Follow the Yellow Brick Road and Ding Dong the Witch Is Dad all summer long. I was watching the kids singing and my daughter looked thoroughly unenthusiastic, yet she couldn’t wait to go. This is where she and I have friction. I understand why she acts the way she does, but it drives me nuts. She is exactly like me, and I just don’t want her to make the same mistakes I did, but there is a fine line between that and pushing her to do something that I want her to do.

I asked her in the car if she really wanted to do the play and she said no. So I said that was fine, and I’d send them an email when we got home. I tried my best not to ask disappointed, and she asked if I was upset. I told her that it wasn’t about me, it was about her and her dreams. If this wasn’t what she wanted, then she needed to find something that she really wanted to do. I told her I wasn’t upset and would support her decision either way. (Okay I was crushed, but I didn’t want her to know that.)

She came to me about an hour after we got home with the song lyrics that she had been practicing in her room and said she really wanted to do it, but it was just that she gets so scared. I totally get it. To this day, I hate getting up in front of a group. I pray for her that it gets easier with practice. All I can tell her is the truth; that I believe in her and that I wouldn’t tell her that I thought she should get up there if I didn’t truly believe she had talent. She really is a lovely singer. Is she going to takeover Broadway, not likely. But by high school she might be ready for a lead in a school play. You never know what might happen if she stays with it.

Today’s drama was with my son. He came home all excited to show me his yearbook and tell me all about the academic breakfast that he was able to take part in this morning because he was on the honor roll. He started to tell me about something that happened at recess when I got a call from the principal. You know that isn’t a good thing. Apparently, some kid punched and kicked my son during a game at gym and had to be pulled off of him by a teacher. The boy was playing with a group of kids and he was tagged out and was unhappy about it and snapped. This is the fourth time this year that the boy has snapped (that I know about). The other three times he assaulted students with a pencil; one boy was stabbed in the throat with the pencil. His homeroom teacher could not handle the angry outbursts and the boy was moved into my son’s homeroom (YAY).

Surprisingly for me, I was really calm. I think it was because my son was calm. Also, I knew it wasn’t a personal thing. There was no bullying or mean words. This boy snaps and loses it. Is it okay? Absolutely not! And I don’t think his in school suspension for the last three days of school is going to do anything to help the situation either. The boy needs help. I’m trying to look at it that way. If a child with this much anger, who continues to hurt other children is allowed to continue this behavior it’s only going to get worse.

I’m sure at one point or another I mentioned that I grew up in Newtown, CT and I currently minutes away from Sandy Hook School. No one needs to explain to me that there is a huge need for changes in our mental health care system, but when you hear things like this, you worry about this child’s future. Obviously I would never make an accusation that he’ be another  Adam Lanza, but he’s clearly on a bad path and needs help. I pray that he gets it.

On the other hand, I need to give a bit of credit to my son, who handled this all in stride. The principal told me that he immediately wanted to go back to class, but the nurse made him sit with ice on his head for a while. I must be doing something right because in stead of coming home in a fit of anger himself, but son talked about this boy having special needs and that he understood that it really wasn’t about him. And maybe this makes me a bad mom, but I also told him that if someone hits him, his dad and I will always back him up if he defends himself. He didn’t in this case, and I understand, but I want him to know he has our support. He a pretty tremendous kid. I’m proud of him.

My super duper news is that a friend from the Chicago area knew I was having a hard time with having to use a cane now and then. I made a comment on Facebook about wanting a flamingo cane, and much to my surprise I pulled in the driveway today to a large package addresses to Brutus and I. It was a hand-painted flamingo cane (pictured above). Talk about a random act of kindness. Completely unexpected and do incredibly thoughtful. It’s very crappy at 42 to have to use a cane now and then, and even harder the first few times when plenty of people don’t really know why I’d need one.

Having one that’s a flamingo just makes it that much better. It makes me happy. Such an awesome thing to do. I know so many nice people. I am truly blessed (even when I’m moping around feeling blue). I needed a reminder today and boy did I get one.

I was going to add something about the NY Rangers game, but it’s still going on in the second overtime. I am afraid that as soon as I publish this someone will win…praying it’s my team. Go Rangers!!


A Good Friend Can Make or Break Your Day


Just another day is crazytown. The kids had a half-day at school so everyone was home by 12:30. I tutor my autistic client on Friday mornings so I’m trying to tell you that I got nothing done today. That’s not exactly true. I did manage to get the three kids in the car and go pick up my son’s new lenses for his glasses and his sports glasses. That was my one accomplishment, followed by a ride home of me taking a play date away from my son for being disrespectful and then listening to him complain about it for the rest of the ride home.

I’ve been on a kick all week that my kids are rude, so I explained that they are just going to start losing things. My son had to come home and clean his room before he could go to a sleepover that he had planned for this evening. He complained all through doing that, and there were a few tears before he went outside to tell the neighbor that he could not go over to play, but I’m hoping that they get it through their heads that Mom isn’t going to tolerate obnoxious behavior.

My hip was a little better today, but my spirits are still a little low. I found out someone that I’ve known for the majority of my life (though not super close) asked my hairdresser/friend some personal questions about me. I’m not sure why it’s bothering me so much. I actually found this out a few days ago and I can’t put it aside for whatever reason.

It may sound funny considering I’m blogging about my life, but I’m a very private person in terms of certain parts of my life. We all have things we just choose not to discuss and I have a lot of those. It’s not that I don’t talk about my life, but I don’t put my crap out there for everyone to see. I don’t air most of my dirty laundry on Facebook, though I’ve been known to slip up and vent now and then. We all make mistakes.

I just feel like there is this whole conversation going on behind my back and I’m walking around not knowing a thing. I was happier not knowing a thing. I’m trying to hold my head up and just ignore it all. A few years ago I “dumped” a lot of friends and went through a bit of a mid-life crisis. This all happened right before I was diagnoses with rheumatoid arthritis. I just found myself being very unhappy with my life. A lot of my friends weren’t real friends.

Don’t you hate backstabbing people? People that I worked with for years…like 15 years, stabbed me in the back as the company was in trouble and what could have been an layoff due to money, was the meanest, ugliest, most hurtful layoff. One of my bridesmaids stepped up and felt she could do my job and went behind my back to the boss saying she’d do it for less money. It all crumbled a few months later when they realized after 15 years no one but me knew how to index a book with their computer database system and they had to pay me my hilariously ridiculous consulting rate to go in for a day and fix everything they screwed up. That was a fantastic day for me…though the ex-friend and everyone who backstabbed me conveniently took the day off, including the boss who let me go.

Anyway, where am I going with this? About that time I started re-evaluating my friends. I think I deleted like 80-100 Facebook friends in one evening because I didn’t know who was my friend and who wasn’t. Dramatic, yep! But some of them needed to go! A very small few were re-friended.

Add an autoimmune disease into the mid-life crisis and there I was dealing with a whole lot of crap within three years. Did I mention that I still see the former co-worker/bridesmaid all the time? Our sons are in the same grade and they are friends. Heck, they are even on the same baseball team. That first year was super uncomfortable, but once again I’m the bigger person. We’re civil, maybe even bordering on friendly these days. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her, but I gave up the anger on the subject because the only one it was affecting was me.

Friendships grow and change when things happen in your life. You learn who your friends are in a crisis, and sometimes even during really happy times, too. I re-evaluated some friendships a few months after being diagnosed with RA. One of my closest friends asked me a boat load of questions, and clearly had done some research, which made me think…wow, he cared enough to look this up. Then he came out with, “are your hands going to turn into claws in a few years?”

Um…I have no idea. A normal person wouldn’t ask that because they would know that when a person is diagnosed with RA, the first picture in their head is the hands with severe deformities. Admit it RA sisters! It was definitely the first picture that popped into my head, and the answer is that I have no idea. In my case, the RA was caught early. We hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

A good friend can make or break your day. As much as I’m sitting here annoying that once again people are talking behind my back, I’m also at peace because I have at least 5 friends that I know I can pick up the phone, get on the computer and chat, or contact in some way and they will listen and be there for me. Bottom line, I need to get a grip! I’m actually very lucky.

And then there’s always my cats!


Migraine-Day 2


My migraine is still going strong with no signs of stopping. I woke up and took some medication to get through a few hours of tutoring my autistic client this morning. He gave me a literal run for my money when he took off sprinting toward the company coffee shop in search of candy. There I was running after him shouting, “don’t forget to hold the railings” as he headed for the stairs and I knew I had no chance of catching him.

It wasn’t our best session. Let’s leave it at that! My day didn’t get much better when my kids got home early with a half day and my son took off his ADHD patch early without telling me. I think he likes to test me to see if I will notice. Um…yeah…it’s not difficult to tell. Between driving his sisters nuts, not listening to a word I said, and then coming up with the brilliant idea to juggle the recycling bottles in the garage, it sure wasn’t a stretch to guess that he took it off early.

I’m not going to lie. I flipped out on him today. Mostly for lying. I came outside and saw broken glass and looked him. He immediately said, “it wasn’t me. I didn’t do it.” I gave him another chance to tell the truth and he stuck with his story. The one thing I always tell my kids is that they will get in much more trouble if they lie than they will if they tell the truth and admit to doing something wrong. After about five minutes he admitted he broke the glass, and only then did I learn he was practicing his juggling skills. My subsequent questions were #1: Did you think to use tennis balls? #2: What did you think was going to happen if you dropped one? #3. Why the hell were you juggling glass bottles so close to my car? #4. (which I didn’t say out loud) What the fuck is wrong with you?

So, suffice it to say, the migraine wasn’t getting any better. I had dinner plans with old friends tonight that had been canceled a few times already, so I didn’t feel like I could cancel on them again. I met them for dinner, and it was really nice to see them. My headache persisted through dinner, but not so bad that I couldn’t get a few laughs in and enjoy myself.

These girls are not people that I see on a regular basis anymore since one of the gyms I worked at for many years closed down, but they were with me through many boyfriends, an engagement, a marriage, some miscarriages, three pregnancies and babies, etc. We go way back, but they haven’t seen me in months. Not only have a gained a lot of weight because of the medicine, but they all noticed when I got up from the chair after dinner, that it wasn’t easy.

You know that feeling after you’ve been sitting for two hours. You can’t just stand up anymore. It’s not that easy. My joints don’t want to move after they’ve been in the same position for a while. As I hobbled a little bit out of the restaurant my friend that I’m the closest with (we went through several pregnancy losses and infertility treatments together) took me aside to ask me how I was really doing.

It’s funny, we have our groups of friends that it’s okay to say, yes, I’m having a hard time…the meds are hard; I have some tough days, etc. Then you have friends that really want to know how you are emotionally, too. My friend Julie is like that. She’s a love. We can go months without talking because we both have very busy lives, but our friendship is solid and she’s a darn good person. I confessed that it was a little hard for me to come out tonight as one of the last times I saw some of these women I was a lot thinner and I was thinking they’d all be looking at me like…wow, she let herself go!

Somehow after talking to Julie I stopped caring about that crap and remembered that these ladies really care about me and were likely more concerned with how I’m doing than anything else. I need to knock off that crap with being so worried about what other people thing. I’ll add that to the list of things I need to work on.

For now, I’m praying I don’t wake up with this migraine. It’s also raining out and that’s not helping the joint pain either. My hips are really bad today. Usually it’s just the right one, but tonight both of them feel locked up.

Now if I could just ask one favor…if you could send some positive vibes tomorrow morning to my daughter as she goes to her audition for a small children’s role in The Wizard of Oz, I’d really appreciate it. She’s been practicing all day, and I’m so proud of her. I’m praying that she holds onto this confidence tomorrow at the audition because boy, she’s taking my breath away…spoken like a true mama!

Tonight’s off-topic rant: Have you read about this Ukranian model that thinks she’s the human Barbie doll? Apparently she’s striving to become a Breatharian, someone who survives on air and sunlight. Honey, if it was that easy, we’d all be Breatharians! You need to check this girl out. Now I realize having child is not for everyone, and that’s perfectly fine, but she said she’d rather be tortured than have a family. I needed to share this because it’s freaking me out. Someone else needs to be freaked out with me.


Women, Friendship and Gwenyth Paltrow


I slept most of today. This just isn’t my best week. It’s so cold that the wind feels like it’s whipping through my bedroom window. My hands are like ice cubes. The numbness is really starting to bother me. Today I slammed my thumb in a drawer. It didn’t hurt as bad as it should have because of the numbness.

Other than the extreme exhaustion, I’m doing okay today. I’m sure I’ll be up all night since I slept a lot during the day. I just needed the rest. Nothing seems to be helping the constant pain, though it’s manageable right now. It just stinks being in pain all the time. I don’t judge a day on being pain-free, it’s always what level of pain I’m at. There are very few pain-free days.

So this evening I was talking to my 9-year-old daughter about friendship. I’m blessed because she has a really nice group of close friends that are very sweet girls. I was explaining that good friends stand up for each other, and don’t let other kids be mean to their friends. My daughter started telling me a story about a girl in her class that was being really mean to one of my daughter’s good friends. The girl was yelling at the friend and said some mean things like calling her ugly.

My daughter told me that she told the girl to stop talking to her friend like that, which made me proud. It also made me think how mean girls and women are to each other in general. I call myself a recluse and anti-social because I can’t handle the drama. For some women, it’s no better at 40 than it was at 12. Some girls never grow out of hitting below the belt, where they know it will add to another girl’s insecurities.

Many women (and men) still judge a woman on how pretty she is. It’s a problem if she isn’t pretty enough, and it’s a problem if she’s too pretty. A beautiful woman is often called a bitch, etc. just out of jealousy. It’s upsetting that young girls treat each other badly, but it’s just as disappointing when woman don’t grow out of that stage. Some people thrive on gossip and nastiness.

I’m wondering how bad someone’s life has to be to take pleasure in someone else’s pain. I don’t waste my time being jealous of someone with a big house who doesn’t want for anything. I do get envious, though, of people who can do whatever they want without having to think of how much pain they are in, or how much pain an activity will cause.

I’m trying to raise my girls to like who they are and what they have. I spent too much of my life wishing I was like other people, that it took me a long time to really get to know and like me. Even with my autoimmune issues, I’m still fun and kind. If nothing else, I can go to sleep knowing that.

Today’s off-topic rant: Gwenyth Paltrow

What the hell is “Conscious Uncoupling”? Can she sound any more pretentious? I am not mocking the breakup of her marriage, or even questions their reasons for breaking up. The end of any marriage is difficult, let alone being in the public eye. But, why the heck does she need to release a statement that makes her and her husband above what normal divorcing couples are going through. Clearly other people didn’t consciously uncouple. Perhaps they randomly strayed or unconsciously drifted apart.


Where the Hell Is Spring?


I’m freezing. My whole body is shivering at the moment, and I’m under my heated blanket. I just got up to grab a cup of hot cocoa and my heating pad to try and break the shivering.

Today was a complete lazy day. I had some stomach issues last night, and I just didn’t feel well at all this morning. I went back to sleep for a few hours and was basically a bum until the afternoon.

I have a love-hate relationship with days like these. I love to sleep, and during the day is the only time that I don’t have trouble sleeping, but I also get down on myself when I waste a day. I know that my body really needed the rest today. I’ve been running around like crazy for the last two weeks, and my plate has really been full.

it’s like my body just cried uncle last night and I couldn’t push myself today. I got pretty annoyed this past weekend at a well-meaning person who suggested that I need to work on pushing through a bit more. I hate when people judge your circumstance without really knowing what you’re going through.

It’s frustrating enough to be in this kind of pain. Heck, I just got up to get a cup of cocoa and my hips were all locked up, but knee hurts, and my muscles through my back and neck are tight. I’m on the fence as to whether I’m getting a migraine or not.

I feel like crap, and I know my body well enough that if I was to push through today, I’d have been useless for tomorrow and possibly the next day. When I run ragged, I tend to get sick, and that’s all I need.

I’m trying to get rid of a lot of negativity in my life. I have a friend who calls me (sometimes several times per day) to talk about other people including teachers, the principal, other parents, and other kids. It’s been weighing on me that the friendship is totally bringing me down.

If someone is bashing everyone else in town, they are likely talking about you, too. I don’t like gossip. I honestly don’t want to know what’s going on in someone’s personal life, and the last thing I’d ever do is say a child is stupid. Children aren’t stupid. Adults with no thought about anyone but themselves are stupid. I’m just not sure why other people continue to tell her things.

I’m beyond the high school stuff, and I can’t stand when this friend needs to make her child out to be the top of everything. Look, if the kid truly has an A+ average in everything and the top score in her grade, I’m thrilled for her. That’s an awesome accomplishment, but does it need to be brought up in every conversation?

I feel like my friend is unhappy and is living her life through her kids, but on the outside she has a good life. I say, on the outside, because who really knows what someone else is dealing with on the inside. She is financially set, and doesn’t need to work. She has a beautiful family and a husband who loves her.

I don’t know. I just don’t think life is about how much better you or your kids are than other people. Life is hard enough. Can’t we just let kids be kids and not stress about grades at such a young age? My kids do well in school. I don’t expect an A+ in every subject, but I expect them to work hard and do their best.

I have two children with reading and comprehension issues, so I know school isn’t always easy. My son started middle school this year and I was in a panic on whether he could handle the workload. The first month or two was crazy, but my son made the honor roll. The pride HE had with this accomplishment was awesome, because in many things he does have to work harder and longer to get good grades.

I’m super proud of my kids, but I’ll be the first to tell you they are far from perfect. The talk back, they drive me over the edge sometimes, and they make me crazy…but I wouldn’t change it. They are my everything, and I like the little people they are becoming.

I guess in that regard, I have my priorities in order. I need to sort things out and distance myself a bit from my friend as she’s bringing me down. I just want to surround myself with people who aren’t so negative. That’s almost silly to me as my other friend accused me of being negative when I started this blog.

I guess it’s fair to say I use this as a place to vent, but I don’t bash people. I often have a tough time dealing with my autoimmune issues and writing these issues down has been really good for me. I really appreciate all the nice comments and likes on the blog. I’ve had so much fun doing it.

Now how to I subtly cut my friend back quite a bit? Ideas welcome!


Friends Come and Go

Photo by Sureshkumawat

Photo by Sureshkumawat

Someone told me today that friends come and go. I’m going to have to disagree with that for the most part. I think acquaintances come and go. You take some time to get to know people and if they are worth it, you let them in. At least that’s how I am…even if it makes me sound bitchy.

I am blessed with good friends. I don’t have to talk to them every day to know they are there in my life. As a matter of fact, I could go two months without talking to them (other than on Facebook) and there is no animosity. Most of my good friends have kids and they understand how time gets away from you between driving to sports and ballet, and other the other crap we parents do, like dinner, baths, homework, etc.

I was very hurt two weeks ago that my friend laid into me about starting this blog. He’s been a good friend for a long time, and is someone that I let into my life. While I was really angry at him for putting down something I was really excited about, I was also hurt that he sees me as someone who is very negative about things.

Of all the things I could say about myself, the first is usually my good (or quirky) sense of humor. I can laugh at myself, my life, my kids, and even my autoimmune disease. My friend is someone who asked how I was feeling or doing…I’d even say he asked a lot. I would give him an honest answer, whether that meant saying it was a good day or if it was a tough day. I think that’s why I was so bothered by his outburst.

Don’t ask questions to your friends if you don’t want an honest answer. I honestly never felt like I was talking about things all the time, but maybe I relied on the friendship too much in that way. We did talk most days by text, Facebook, or phone, and inevitably he’d ask how I was feeling. I started to second guess myself and how much I complained about my aches and pains.

Then I thought a little more about the countless nights I listened to him go on and on about his own life issues. During our argument, I  asked him if I ever made him feel bad about talking about what he was going through. And I got my answer, and it was an answer I already knew, but I wanted to hear it from him…it was NO.

I’m far from perfect. I’m the first one to admit it. I could be a better mom, a better worker, a better house cleaner…and this list could go on. The people I love always come first, though. I’m not angry at my friend anymore, though we haven’t spoken since our fight. I think I just have a clearer understanding of how things are in our friendship. He could call tomorrow all upset about something, and my door would be open because that’s who I am. And you know what, I like who I am.

Again, I’ll say how lucky I am to have good friends. I like that I’m not involved in the town clique of sports parents. I like going to sleep knowing that the people I love and trust also have my best interests in mind. It’s a nice feeling. And if all else fails, my cats still like me.