Tech Week Doesn’t Stop for Arthritis

nutcracker

The show must go on is my motto this week. It’s tech week for The Nutcracker, and if you have no idea what that means, it is the prior to the show where they rehearse every night and are given directors notes. Basically I have enough time to feed the girls dinner, help with homework and run out the door to get to the rehearsal.

My girls each have two parts in the show this year. Translation, there is no leaving before the show is done. Tonight we got home around 9:30. That’s late for my kids.

I knew today wasn’t going to be my best after I tried to get up off my stool at the pediatrician’s office that I had been sitting on all morning. I could hardly stand, let alone stand up straight. I must have looked ridiculous walking hunched over in from of people I hardly know. I really only see people there on my way in. For the most part I’m in an office by myself either on the phone or seeing patients.

My back just continued to seize up and then my damn toe started with that weird cramp/locked feeling. My pinky and fourth to cramp together and I can’t separate them or straighten them. If that sounds fun, I assure you it’s hell. Hell meaning you can’t stand on the foot, or even let go of it. Try having that happen at a dance rehearsal. At one point I was sitting holding my toes and trying not to scream.

I sound like Debbie Downer, but Tech Week is also a lot of fun. There is a cast of 240 children and teens with a full orchestra. It’s truly an amazing show and an incredible experience for the kids to see how a professional show is done. As any mom would, I can’t get enough of seeing my girls on stage dancing. My older daughter (9) is graceful and elegant. My younger daughter is not so graceful, but she’s a darn good actress. There’s no speaking roles, but her first role is a scurry mouse and she has to look angry, then scared, then cheer for the mice king, and then eventually leave the stage crying when he dies. I can’t stop laughing at my little drama queen up there waving her arms in the air and mouthing “WHY!” at the end. That kid belongs on the stage. I don’t know if she loves the dancing as much as her sister, but I think she’ll find something she likes on stage to do.

So it’s going to be a long few more days. I plan to nap tomorrow and I’m not sure I’ll get much done on Monday. I know my body well enough to know I’m running it too hard and something’s going to give. I’ve already started my immune support supplements and vitamin C to ward off a cold or something like that, but it’s my own body that I can’t avoid. When I push through to do the things I need or want to do, my body doesn’t always want to follow along.

I’m praying that I make it through the weekend without my cane, but I’m not going to miss any of it. I can’t. Moments like I’ll have this weekend are so important to me. Watching your child do something they love, whether it’s performing or doing a sport or art, there’s just nothing like seeing your baby excel.

Not to be left out, my son starting up wrestling again. This isn’t my favorite sport. I get nervous, though he did well last year. I missed his first two matches because of Nutcracker. I think he’ll be the most pleased when this week is over.

Anyway, I took a half an Ambien because even though I’m wiped out, I knew my head would hit the pillow and I’d be wide awake. Say a prayer that I can nap tomorrow. Even my cats miss me!

Advertisements

Happy Children Equal Happy Mom

tumblr_lvjqp8GgkI1r5xup0o1_500

Today is the day. The day I spent waiting for the phone to ring with our Nutcracker results. The call came in at 10:50 and like any neurotic mom, I answered on the first ring, trying to sound casual. The results were in! My older daughter is a Lead Angel (a newly created role) and a Ginger Clown, and my younger daughter is a Scurry Mouse and an Angel. My younger daughter got exactly what she was hoping for. My older daughter didn’t get the roles she was hoping for, but I had a feeling she was going to be excited because I knew the main thing was she wanted to be in something other than the Battle scene this year.

She was a soldier and an angel last year, so she was so excited to be named a lead angel, even though we have know idea what a lead angel does, and the ginger clowns get to run and be silly, and I have a feeling she got that because she did a really great cartwheel as her audition trick and a lot of the ginger clowns do cartwheels. So, thankfully, there was a lot of happiness and joy in my house this afternoon!

My niece is also a Scurry Mouse and an Angel, which is, well…I guess good. The girls are happy. I just think of the Nutcracker as my thing to do with my girls. I’m bitchy that way. The in-laws always hated the Nutcracker until my niece did it. My mother-in-law fell asleep during my older daughter’s first performance. I had to tell my husband to wake her up before my daughter went on stage.

I wish I can say I kept to my workout regimen and did some cardio today, but I did teach a really tough class with a lot of lunges. I just didn’t have the energy to do cardio today. I’ll get back on it tomorrow with a long walk, and possibly attempt the hills again since my shins seemed better today. I did a lot of shin warmups and stretches.

Tonight is significantly colder than it has been the past few nights. I bought myself a new heated throw blanket, but I haven’t put it on the bed yet. I have my heating pad in my low back, and I used it on my hands this morning. I’m managing. I just feel like I can’t stand saying that. I’m managing. Is that the way you get through the day, too? I mean, it’s not that I never have a good day. I have good days, but I don’t remember the last time I had a completely pain-free day. It comes down to whether the pain is manageable or not.

I can see where people with autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, lupus, etc. suffer from depression. It’s not easy feeling like crap day-in and day-out. I mean, I have days where I’m thinking, wow–I’m good enough to go for a long walk, but that doesn’t mean my hands aren’t hurting or my hip isn’t bothering me. It just means the pain isn’t so severe that I can’t do anything. I think that’s where most people get confused. First of all, it all goes back to the fact that people with autoimmune issues look fine, for the most part (unless I’m using my flamingo cane!). On the average day I may have a small limp, but it’s unlikely anyone would really notice.

I don’t discuss my RA, Raynaud’s or fibro 24/7. I blog here to get my autoimmune thoughts out, but I don’t discuss it all day. The real reason behind that is so few people really understand anyway. I have my Facebook support groups, and people that I know who are dealing with autoimmune issues, but other than that, people sympathize, but they don’t really get it.

I didn’t intend to have an autoimmune rant tonight, but that’s kind of what this has turned into. Sorry about that. Sometimes you just need to let it out. I think I was more let down by my own body yesterday when I wanted to jog and I could hardly walk the track. Tomorrow is a new day. I had a lot of positives today and I’m so thankful for that. Happy kids equal a very happy mom! It meant the world to see my girls so thrilled about their Nutcracker roles. Everything else was secondary.

Shin Splints, Fat, Nutcracker, Football and More

Shin-Splints

I just couldn’t decide on a title. It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog so I have quite a bit to catch up on, though not that much news in terms of my health. I guess I’ll get that update done first. I’m huge. Enormous, even. That’s just not changing, so I can’t wait until next week when I finally have the appointment with the endocrinologist. I am a little afraid that he’s going to shrug me off because my initial blood work does not show a thyroid issue, but with a strong family history of hypothyroidism and the fact that I have every other symptom on the list, I’m at least hoping he’ll do more testing. I’m not eating enough to be this fat!

In similar news, I’m back trying cardio even though it’s not that easy. Yesterday I walked 3 miles in my neighborhood, and not the flat 3 miles. I walked the huge hill route, which I regretted on the way back to my house, which is all uphill. I was able to do it, and I’m not sure who was huffing and puffing more, my fat dog or me! In an effort to continue the cardio trend, I went to the track today in the hope that I could job a bit, but when I started I realized that I did too much yesterday with the hills and my shins were in terrible pain. I didn’t want to push myself further so I opted to walk the track (in pain) for a mile and a half.

It was a lot less than I wanted to do, but it was still something. Tomorrow I have to teach my class in the morning and then I will attempt to do my flat walk through the neighborhood or if my shins are really hurting, then I’ll do my boring elliptical instead. I’m trying…

Tomorrow is also the big day where we get the call about roles for the Nutcracker. My girls are so excited. I am in a panic at the moment. I know my younger daughter is fine. My older daughter would really be happy with any part that isn’t in the Battle scene, because she’s been both a mouse and a soldier, and she really wants to do a more ballet role. We put down that the role(s) she was hoping for were the party scene or a flower bud (the youngest of the flowers in the flower dance). I know she’d be great at either one, but I don’t know if she showed enough ballet. So here I am praying that tomorrow’s call goes well.

Last year when she got the role of a soldier she was devastated because “that’s a boy role.” She ended up seeing it through and having a good time. She even asked for a second role and got it. The thing is, she’s not this outgoing kid that stands out in an audition. She doesn’t jump to the front and raise her hand when they ask who can do something. She’s very shy, but getting better all the time. If you can spare some positive vibes for me tomorrow, please pray that I get a good phone call. To see her get a role that she really wants would be so awesome.

And now my football update. First of all, it’s not a newsflash that I’ve I’ve learned anything about football. I still don’t know anything. BUT…I did see my son make a tackle! It was in a play right after he did something wrong and I saw his dad shaking his head in frustration. He just doesn’t think my son has the drive to play football. He’s too afraid. Then he went into the next play and took the ball carrier down. Even I knew that was good! I got a picture of it, too. The best part of it was talking with my son later that night and hearing him say that he thought it was his best game ever because he felt like a valuable player. He was so proud of himself.

Oh…back to my rheumatoid arthritis for a moment, I’m still really suffering with stiffness and pain in my knees. I’ve decided to wait until after I see the endocrinologist before I call my rheumatologist to get in for an appointment. I’d like to see if the endo is really going to do anything for me before I discuss going back on the Plaquenil, but that seems to be where I’m headed. I don’t think I’m mentally ready for methatrexate. I think that’s the next step after Plaquenil. I believe I’d try the Plaquenil again before I’d try something different. I stopped it because my issues were really stemming around the fibromyalgia. The deep tissue muscle pain in my shoulders and under my head were bothering me terribly, but my joints (with the exception of my hands) were doing okay.

As the colder weather is starting, my hands are starting with the stiffness and swelling. My feet were pretty darn swollen after yesterday’s walk, too. But, what’s bothering me the most are my knees and hip because those hurt while I’m standing and walking. The pain and joint stiffness are just making things a lot more difficult. So, the decision is, that I’ll make another appointment with the rheumatologist after I speak with the endocrinologist. Do you ever feel like your life is seeing specialists?

Quick recap:

Endocrinologist-October 9th

Nutcracker decisions- tomorrow (I might need several Xanax)

Football-not as horrid as usual

Knees-suck

Have a good night everyone!