Having an autoimmune disease means you have limitations. As much as I don’t like to admit that, it’s true. It means waking up some days and having to scrap even the best of plans because your body just won’t cooperate with your mind. I’ve missed birthday parties, weddings, and other events because I’m in serious pain with my rheumatoid arthritis, or I have a migraine, or I just can’t get out of bed because of my fibromyalgia. It happens, and I need to accept that.
The only thing I won’t deal with is missing an event for my children. I dragged my ass to countless football games when I could hardly stand. I’ve gone to dance rehearsal that last hours on end when I’ve had a migraine. As a parent, these things often go without saying. I want to encourage my kids with everything they want to pursue.
So…this weekend, it was my oldest daughter with a bit part in The Sound of Music. I’m the mom that cries at everything. It didn’t matter that I had seen it several ties in practices, but when she was on the stage at that first show I was overwhelmed with tears.
Some of the reason is because I know what a big deal it is for my painfully shy kid to get up on stage in front of a room full of people. My daughter hardly spoke to anyone through kindergarten. She had a few friends that she’d talk to, but she had a little stutter and she didn’t want anyone to hear it. She also worried so much if other people would like her.
Slowly but surely she has gained confidence and poise. When I asked her if she wanted to try out for a part in the play, her immediate answer was no, so I let it go. The day before auditions (and during our tech week for Nutcracker) she came home with a letter to me asking if she could try out for a part.
I would have moved mountains to get her there, mostly because she wanted to try. She nailed the song during the audition. She has a very pretty voice, but when she read lines her voice was soft and I think he could tell she was shy. Regardless, the small chorus part of stage that she was given made a huge impact on her.
What I’m trying to say in a multi-paragraph rant is that hell would freeze over before I missed one moment of her play this weekend. Whether I was watching the show or helping backstage, it was about supporting my daughter.
I wouldn’t change any of it, but this afternoon at practice I felt it coming on. Low grade fever, achiness, almost flu-like symptoms. I was getting a rheumatoid arthritis flare. Is it wrong that I’m hoping it’s RA and not the flu?
I already canceled my meeting for tomorrow and rescheduled it later in the week, which thankfully did not impact much. I have a lot of things I do as a freelancer, most of it involves content editing, proofreading, and social media. I also recently started working with a nonprofit organization that helps families of children with special needs. This is where my passion is. When I first realize that my son wasn’t progressing like the other kids around him, I just knew something wasn’t right.
I’m a very proactive person. I read everything I could, and met with several specialists who could only tell me that he didn’t quite fit the autism spectrum, but there was something there. It was a time in my live where I was in constant research mode and desperately wanted someone to ask questions to. Through my job, I’m now that person that people can ask questions to or request help with getting their children services.
I was in the right place at the right time, and I couldn’t be happier working with this amazing group of people. Luckily the majority of it is from home, so my RA doesn’t really get in the way.
The wind is really howling out there. They just said it was like 30 miles an hour. I feel it traveling through the windows in my bedroom. Where are my cats when I need their warmth? Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep despite the wind. I took a half of an Ambien a few minutes ago.
I am trying to get this blog wrapped up as I’ve been known to send emails on Ambien and have no recollection. Apparently last week I emailed a woman I know that works at my youngest daughter’s school and I had heard from my daughter that she broke her leg. It was a nice note and I had thought about sending her one, but when she responding, I didn’t remember contacting her, LOL.
It’s starting to hit me so I’m turning the computer off and closing my eyes. Here’s to a wonderful day for everyone tomorrow.
Autoimmune Mama 
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