It’s a Full On Flare

I went to bed with a stiff lower back and woke up with it, too. The problem is it got worse and worse as the day went on. I was at a tutoring session with my client who has autism and my feet were throbbing and my hands were in so much pain.

By the time I got home, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep on the couch while my kids amused themselves and took care of the pup. By 6pm my feet were so swollen I retired to the couch where I have been planning my Easter meal ever since. I’m having all of my in-laws over. There were years where that would stress me out terribly, but sometime around 4 or 5 years ago, I stopped caring so much.

I’m not mean, in fact, I’d go out of my way to help any of them, but I don’t think they truly like me that much. We’re at least at a point where spending an afternoon together is no longer my personal hell. They were rough…to the point where my husband’s best friends told me I had the worst in-laws they had ever seen. Yay me!!

My husband has two sisters and he was the first to get married. Strike one was that I’m not Irish…not even a tiny bit Irish. And, I won’t even get into the whole wedding fiasco and aftermath. There was a time where my mother-in-law was very hurtful to me, whether she truly intended it or not. But, in the past few years we’ve done a lot (both of us) to get along. It’s a much nicer relationship.

One of my sister-in-laws drives me a bit over the edge. She relies on my 11-year-old son to watch her 4-year-old boys. They are very political…at least he is and she follows. I’m more of a liberal when it comes to social issues. I believe gay people should be able to get married, I’m pro-choice, I believe in gun control, though I do appreciate the second amendment.

Living 5 minutes away from Sandy Hook school and the horrific mass shooting that occurred there, I have strong believes that high number magazine clips should be banned, as well as those types of assault weapons. If you are a hunter and you need those, you need to find another sport. I don’t have issues with people who own guns. I have friends and family that are very responsible gun owners and that is their right. I just wish that there were stricter guidelines and background checks.

Anyway, I never want to be political on this blog and I hope those of you who disagree with my views don’t stop reading. I never preach! I accept that all people have their own views. The problem I have is that my in-laws are so far to the right that they can’t see past themselves. You can’t have a conversation with people who don’t listen, so I always pray we can stay away from anything political.

I can already tell tomorrow is going to be rough for me. My house isn’t in horrible shape, but I need to clean and start cooking. It’s difficult to admit that those regular things take their toll. I’m already having a tough time with the fact that my long walk with the big hills last night maybe  contributing to my pain level.

I just feel like it’s a rheumatoid arthritis or fibromyalgia flare. I have the pain and the exhaustion. I almost fell asleep working with my client this morning. My sleep has been interrupted a bit with the new puppy. He has done really well the past two nights and went to bed at 11pm and slept until 5AM. The disrupted sleep isn’t helping. That in itself is tough when you have an autoimmune disease!

So I’ll leave you with my latest symptom. I didn’t give it much thought until it started happening more frequently. I keep waking up with what looks like lipstick stains on my hand. The red marks don’t wash off and they stay for several hours. It’s not always the same spot. I have to say, I didn’t give it a lot of thought until my husband expressed concern and I put the pics on Facebook and everyone is telling me to go to the doctor.

I’m just wondering if anyone else has this happen. If anyone knows what this is, I’d love to know! Could it be related to my Raynaud’s?

Happy Easter/Passover my autoimmune friends. I hope you’re evening has less pain than mine!

That’s Right…I’m a Dance Mom

My daughter’s had their big dance recital this weekend. Because of a conflict with the town’s eighth grade dinner dance, the usual Friday and Saturday shows were nixed in favor on two shows on Saturday to accommodate all the eighth grade dancers that wanted to attend both the recital and the school dance. Believe me, I can understand that, but it sure made for a long day!

We got to the school where the recital was taking place around 10AM because I was volunteering backstage for the first show. I’m such a team player. I like that stuff and my older daughter is very shy. It helps her to get settled if I’m there. They had a very nice set up for the girls with a large screen tv to watch the show while they weren’t performing. This made my life as a backstage mom much easier. No one was bored.

This is our first year at this dance studio so it was a new experience for us and I was surprised to learn that parents were allowed to go into the audience to watch their child’s performance even if they were volunteering. The owner feels strongly that everyone should see their child perform. Perhaps she should send that memo to the other studio in town. That would never happen over there.

Anyway, my girls did awesome. I was so proud of both of them. My little one was so darn adorable up there. You could tell she just loved every moment of being in that flowy dress and twirling around. My older daughter really has grown as a dancer this year. It was a very proud mom day for sure.

It was also a tough mom day in that I was on my feet from about 10AM to 7PM with a break from 3-5pm. It was a lot on my feet and legs. When I got home last night my head was pounding and everything hurt. I attempted to start a blog, but I ended up putting ice over my eyes and turning out the lights. It was clear I did too much yesterday, but it was one of those days where, what choice did I have? As a mom, you just need to do it some days!

The begs the question, as a mom what do you do? What do you do when you know you’re pushing it way too far and it’s going to cause a flare or a migraine or major pain later? For me, if it’s something involving my kids, I usually push through and do it if at all possible. They are only going to be young once.

Remarkably I felt pretty good today. Then I had to trek about a quarter of a mile or more carrying a shit load of flyers and handouts for the nonprofit organization that I work for. I was volunteering at a Special Olympics event, which was so much fun. I got to meet so many great people and some of the athletes, but I didn’t give one shred of thought to how far I’d need to cart all the crap. Suffice it to say, I got my workout and then some today. My right arm is really sore tonight.

I’m actually looking forward to Monday tomorrow. It’s one of the last school days left and I can go back to sleep after I put the kids on the bus. I live for those days. I’m just not a morning person at all. I do have a goal for tomorrow of cleaning out my daughters’ room, though. It’s a pig sty. I need to get rid of crap before school gets out, so the goal is to take care of their room tomorrow and my son’s room on Tuesday, but his room isn’t nearly as bad.

We’ll see how motivated I am tomorrow…

 

 

 

Losing My Voice and Possibly My Mind

I don’t think I’m getting sick. I mean I don’t feel like I’m sick. I feel like I’m getting an RA or fibro flare. I can’t really tell the difference with the exception the I think my RA flare tend to affect my hips and hands more and my fibro flares I feel more through my shoulders and muscles. Either way I start to feel rundown and achy. I’m not sure with the scratchy voice comes into the mix. i don’t have a sore throat so it could just be allergies, but I’m sounding a bit like Bonnie Tyler (and all the early twenty-somethings are asking who??).

I got to sleep in today, which was nice. I went out with some friends last night to play Bunco and had a few drinks for the first time in almost a year. I am not a drinker, mostly because I don’t like the taste of alcohol, but also because wine gives me migraines. The friend hosting Bunco made this fruity concoction with Limoncello and something else with strawberries and raspberries and it tasted like fruity lemonade. After three glasses I was very thankful I wasn’t driving, even if it was less than a mile down the road.

I truly needed the night out after this long week. I am finding myself so angry at people, and now I’m at a point where I’m questioning if lowering my Celexa was the right decision. I’m not going to say I haven’t had a lot on my plate. If you’ve been reading this blog you know I had a whole lot to deal with my son’s IEP and his school, and now there’s some bullying issues, which turned a whole lot worse when I heard a few things that have been happening on the bus, and trying to make ends meet is a constant struggle. Like every other parent in the world, I’m crazy running around from one activity to another, trying to squeeze in homework, dinner, haircuts, projects, etc. There are only so many hours in a day, and as much as I hate to admit it I’m not Super Mom. Add to that the fact that I’m a mom with an autoimmune disease that doesn’t know how she’s going to feel from one day to the next and go ahead and try and plan a week.

It’s not easy. But we do it! We make the best of it. I know I’m not the only one. I’ve heard from many of you through this blog, and honestly, that keeps me going. It helps more than you know to hear that other people are doing this, too. Of course, I’m not thrilled to hear others are struggling, but you get the idea.

About a month ago, my doctor lowered my Celexa in an effort to see if that was causing some of the weight gain. I’m only on 10mg, and I believe the average dose is 40mg. I was only on 40mg for about 6 months, then I went back to 20mg. I’m not sure it had anything at all to do with my weight, but I do see myself snapping a lot more now that it’s lowered. I think I handled stress and anxiety better at the 20mg. It’s something I need to think about and call my doctor about this week as I need a refill. I think a lot will depend on the scale on Tuesday. Of course, I’m sure the snacking and three drinks blew the diet again last night, but I was very good again today.

I am hopeful that tomorrow and Monday I can get out for a walk. Today brought back those painful pins and needles in my feet. It’s been a little while since I have had them. I was sitting at my son’s baseball game, which they bombed by the way, and my daughter wanted to run to the car to get a water and I couldn’t even go with her. I don’t think I can ever get used to that feeling. It’s like sharp little needles jabbing into the bottom of my feet. Not fun!

The rest of the day was just status quo. No real excitement other than grocery shopping and spending some time with my girls. Tomorrow is my son’s first playoff game so if you could send a few positive vibes his way for a spectacular hit, that would be awesome. The team is having a two game slump, and they need to make a comeback. I’m worried about tomorrow. Then again, when don’t I worry!

An Unwelcome Rheumatoid Flare

I went to sleep with a migraine, and woke up headache-free, but unable to walk today. At the moment we’re having a storm, and I suppose that might have something to do with it, but I was useless for the first half of today.

It’s frustrating because I’m actually crazy busy with work, and I have a big project that’s due on Friday. This didn’t stop me from going back to sleep after the kids left for school and sleeping until 11:30. I’m back to being completely freezing and that’s sure not helping things.

Because of the high pain-level, I didn’t exercise at all today, which bothers me. It’s very hard to establish a routine when you don’t know when you’ll have a rheumatoid arthritis or fibromyalgia flare…or in my case both at the same time.

I don’t really know how to gauge the difference between the pain, but I guess if I’m having a lot of joint pain (like today), I blame the RA. If it’s all over pain and fatigue, fibromyalgia is to blame. That’s my rationale, anyway. My neighbor was nice enough to suggest that I have MS today because I was in so much pain. For me, they have ruled out MS, but don’t you just love how people become instant experts after watching a Dr. Oz episode?

I try not to get mad when people say helpful things like that, but it’s not always easy. If one more person tells me to give up gluten, dairy, and sugar, I might scream. Hello! I know sugar isn’t good for me. If I give up chocolate I’m going to be a major bitch, and no one wants that!

Did you notice that you are hearing about more and more people with autoimmune diseases? I feel like lately, so many people I know are telling me they have fibro, lupus, or RA. I don’t know whether it’s because I’m open about my autoimmune struggles, or if more and more people are getting diagnosed. I think if I wasn’t hit like a ton of bricks I’d likely have waited to go to the doctor.

I’m not someone who goes to the doctor for aches and pains. It definitely would have taken me longer to get a diagnosis. I didn’t have the experience of things coming on slowly. I went from walking to not being able to walk literally overnight. It was drastic and it was scary.

I’m glad to hear that more and more people are talking to their doctors about how they feel. As a mom, exhaustion was just part of my life. Three kids = busy. I know it would be like me to ignore things for a really long time if my symptoms didn’t start in a full flare.

I guess if I really look back, though, there were earlier signs. I blames the pain in my hands on knitting. I blamed hip and back pain on teaching classes. I think it was easy to shrug it off…possibly for years. I’m interested to hear how your symptoms started. Did you notice an immediate change? Did you possibly ignore symptoms for a while before seeking help?

I want to write up a list of warning signs for autoimmune issues, and would love your feedback. I’m going to try and close my eyes now, as I’m going blind looking at nutrition information for like 100 different kinds of baby food — and not only in English, but also in Spanish! Don’t be jealous…this is my life!